Whirlwind of Hurt 6

[Twofeet]

Old thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2822098&page=11

To everyone thank you all for your advice and support. I feel like things should be getting better, but since we have S and are the precipice of D things are getting darker and harder. I think it is a combo of the new challenges she brings and my own internal struggles as the cause this.
Again18 after your second post it appears I did misunderstand you. Thank you for being so supportive. I think you and a few others have posted that they really believe I have a good chance for R down the road. I won't give up hope, but I feel like that hope is getting smaller and the chance for R is getting bleaker every day. It is a direct contrast to my life outside of what I am going through. Beyond D and my W my life has been great and is on the upswing. The dichotomy between the two facets of my life is very confusing emotionally.

I just received a text from W this morning wanting to know if I wanted her dog. It sent me reeling. I don't want him and never did. She bought him on an impulse in Feb. and she just complicated her/our life. I have a dog and that's all I need. However, it would be sad and a shame to see her get rid of hers.

What I want to say is Sorry W, I will not be able to take your dog. Please do not give him away as it would absolutely crush D8. You know how devastated you were when your parents gave away your dogs at 2 different times in your life. Please consider our children in your decision.

I have not responded and will sit on it until I get input here.



Lastly, since my last post she has tried calling me or texting me a few times which I haven't answered the phone and have only responded to text regarding the kids, briefly and on my own time. I did send her a pic of a bill of hers that came to my house, but gave her no further communication from her response.

[JB42]

I'm on a similar path, this week was pretty bad for me, but hopefully this weekend will be better. Unfortunately, most of my personal life is in turmoil too. Gotta just take some time and refocus. Sad to hear about her dog, but it shouldn't fall to you to be the savior here.

[LH19]

TF,

I think you may have to make it clear to your W that she is not to contact you unless it is in regards to the kids.

Let her know in a clear and direct way that you need time to heal and move on with your life.

[Again18]

She texts and she calls because she's thinking about you TF but when you respond, then she gets a reprieve and feels better about things and you just feel more awful. the good guy in you wants her to feel better and we all get that but when she feels better then she is in a state in which she doesn't have to process what she's doing. You make her hang there and wonder, then she starts thinking more and more about what she has done. This is a tough time I think if you get a chance to spend time with her and the kids at Christmas you should do it. You can repair that damage after Christmas. If you do it be happy and respectful and give your kids lots of love and hugs. Do it for the kids and yourself. But up to that point try and detach and work on yourself. Right after Christmas really pull back for a while and make a strong effort to work on yourself and help your kids. As for the dog just say I don't know and leave it at that for a while. She may change her mind. tough times. Christmas 2003 I really did not do well. I spent the entire Christmas with my wife housesitting for another family and spent Christmas and New Years at her sister's house with her whole family. I bought her diamond earrings and a bunch of other gifts and was happy go lucky. Only to get home and she smugly said I think divorce is inevitable. She offered to give me the earrings back and I took them back and I think she expected me to just to let her keep them. I pulled back worked on myself and paid her only what I owed her and told her to do the paperwork for the divorce. Told her it wasn't what I wanted but I supported her decision. 3 months later I was moving back in and she never even started that paperwork.

[Twofeet]

Again, things will be tough. I have D8 on her bday next week. D8 birthday wish is that we go out for dinner as a family with W, inlaws and my parents. W doesn't want our parents together. Both of our parents have expressed they don't care because it's not about W it's about D8. W can stay home on D8 bday if she wants to be that way. Hopefully, she will go. We then have a party for D8 with school friends & cousins that weekend as it's a part of the child plan to share duties and expenses in the kids bday parties. Lastly, it is also a part of the childplan that the parent who doesn't have them on Christmas day that year can come over in the morning to open presents with the kids. She will be coming to my house this year, unless she changes her mind. After that we will have nothing going on together (other than taxes and some other financial pieces to wrap up which) until the next bday in the summer.

[RyanHun]

Sounds like a good plan TF. D8 knows what she wants and there is no reason that can't happen. Send out the invites to everyone D8 wants and whomever wants to come celebrate her B-day is welcome to. Those that don't can skip it, W included.

[Ready2Change]

I have not responded and will sit on it until I get input here.

Good choice!

I just received a text from W this morning wanting to know if I wanted her dog. It sent me reeling. I don't want him and never did. She bought him on an impulse in Feb. and she just complicated her/our life. I have a dog and that's all I need. However, it would be sad and a shame to see her get rid of hers.

What I want to say is:

Sorry W, I will not be able to take your dog. Please do not give him away as it would absolutely crush D8. You know how devastated you were when your parents gave away your dogs at 2 different times in your life. Please consider our children's wishes in your decision.

Less is better.

Another choice:

"I will think about it. I will let you know when I decide"

"Let me think about it. I will let you know my decision next week"

[Ready2Change]

Sounds like a good plan TF. D8 knows what she wants and there is no reason that can't happen. Send out the invites to everyone D8 wants and whomever wants to come celebrate her B-day is welcome to. Those that don't can skip it, W included.

I agree.

[Ready2Change]

She will be coming to my house this year, unless she changes her mind.

I strongly suggest that things look "different" in the house when she arrives. You have time. It is your house now. You Make it look the way you want. Things are moved around. Missing or new items. New smells (Like fresh cinnamon rolls) . Clean. If you didn't do Xmas lights outside. Get them up this year. New wreath on the door. Xmas music going. New pajamas. Whatever you want. Show her you are taking care of yourself and everything else. Make sense?

[Again18]

I agree with the others sounds like you got this.