Dealing with a WW Pt3

[SoTorn]

So WW is home now from her "work" trip. I spent the evening cleaning the house with D16 and S11 because the kids are super messy. Made sure it was nice and clean before bed.

WW came home last night and everyone was in bed. Only the dogs were awake to greet her at the door. In the past S11 and I would stay up and wait for her, provided I didn't drop her off at the airport. I no longer do either.

I was having a nightmare last night. Sometimes I get loud in my sleep when I have a nightmare. My WW used to wake me up right away by putting her hand on my chest, which was very comforting. Now that I sleep alone the nightmares just play out until I wake myself up.

WW's room is right above MBR. I guess WW heard me having a nightmare so I got a random text at about 3AM from her asking "what were you dreaming about? Were you having a bad dream?"

I decided to tell her what I was dreaming about. I sent a short text back saying that I now have dreams about her being intimate with another man and that it was upsetting. I told her the truth. WW didn't respond of course.

I don't really feel that was pursuing or anything. I haven't really had any sort of chance to tell her how what she did affected me, so I made the choice to go ahead and let her know what was going on last night. Fortunately the nightmares have gotten further and further apart. Nightmares were nightly for a couple of weeks after she moved upstairs and for a couple more weeks after BD.

I sleep with the doors locked now and I don't come out of my room until I am dressed and ready to rock and roll for the day. When I came out of the room WW was standing in the kitchen. WW looked bad. WW's eyes were solid bloodshot red like if she had been crying. WW blurted out a very awkward "hi". Like one of those "hi's" when someone is expecting you to greet them first and you don't.

I responded with a "hi" as well but that's it. I finished getting ready and getting my stuff for work. I told S11 goodbye, have a great day, ILY and gave him a hug. Then I left, without another word to WW, just as I have been for a while now.

Usually, when WW comes home from her "work" outings I would get very sad when I see her, or angry, or resentful. This morning when I saw her I honestly felt nothing. I felt indifferent to her. It felt as she was just some person in my house that didn't belong there.

[SoTorn]

So I got another "temp check" text from the WW. WW somehow believes that I have plans to go out on NYE. I don't. I planned on staying home with my son. Obviously WW has plans. WW says "Why didn't you tell me you had plans on NYE, we need to find somewhere for S11 to go to" "S11 had to finish his HW this morning, why didnt you tell me that?" and "Its ridiculous that I have to get videos of D16's concert from D16 and news about your plans for NYE from D19" we need to communicate these things.

WW didn't communicate that she had plans on NYE to me. Hypocrite much?!?! Text had nothing urgent that needed responding to so I will not be responding.

Sandi is spot on, now that WW knows that I respond to anything related to kids I keep getting texts about non urgent issues regarding kids and WW is always upset about something.

So glad I found this site and the DR book.

[SoTorn]

Starting to feel very down today :-(

[Manta]

Hang in there mate. I'm having one of those days too. Christmas Party was last night. I stayed in a hotel, just to treat myself. After work before I left, I went for a nice bath. I completely broke down crying, as all I could think of in the hotel, was my WW and her AP in the random hotels since July, having fun and living there fantasy while I was there on my own. Feeling sorry for being ever but in this situation.

[Davide]

SoTorn,

Hang in there. Let your H think you have plans, let him think you are moving forward with your life. Don't worry about anything he is saying. Let his word roll off your back like water off of a duck.

Get out and GAL! Enjoy the weekend!

[SoTorn]

SoTorn,

Hang in there. Let your H think you have plans, let him think you are moving forward with your life. Don't worry about anything he is saying. Let his word roll off your back like water off of a duck.

Get out and GAL! Enjoy the weekend!

Thanks. But mine is a WW lol.

Just some journaling.

Christmas shopping today. I had to break NC with WW to get this done because I'm buying gifts from me and didn't want to get duplicates. WW tells me that she will be putting both our names on gifts.

I told her to do whatever she feels fit.

In between texts about gifts I keep getting texts from WW where she says "you told me that you want to work with me to repair our M but you're not doing anything. You keep showing me that you want nothing to do with me and told me that you dont want me"

WW kept making a big deal about Christmas, gifts and saying stuff like if I am the one who decided to end MR. We weren't arguing, we were actually just talking calmly.

I told WW that I dont want to be married to her anymore and that I dont want to R and told her that I want our family to try and have a nice Christmas. I told WW that this is the last Christmas our kids will be having in our house, with a whole family and with both of their parents. I reminded WW that this is her choice. I want to make sure that our last Christmas together as a family is as good as it can be.

I have been looking for a place to move out. I get free legal services as a benefit through work starting in January. So once that kicks in I'm going to actually retain an attorney and I am going to file for D.

I know that it hasn't been that long since BD. But WWs A has been going on since at least March. I'm done. I honestly believe that WW doesnt have the strength, courage or willingness to make the necessary changes in herself and repair our family.

WW has a lot of issues she needs to work on. I feel it's best that she is out of my life as much as possible so that she cant hurt me anymore.

[SoTorn]

Yesterday I went Christmas shopping. I ended up buying myself a new comforter set for my bed in MBR.

WW saw this and went on a tirade about finances. Putting me down, saying I can't afford the Bill's, I cant budget, I cant manage my finances and I'm frivolous. I repeated to her several times "I will not speak with you when you are being hateful and I will not allow you to put me down".

WW continued and followed me into MBR trying to half talk about Christmas gifts and complaining that I dont just hand her my full check so she can do whatever. I actually have all of the accounts and passwords so I'm paying exactly half of everything that is under my name or her name. I refuse to pay for stuff I dont want or need, such as cable TV, wifi, the house cleaners, my WWs car (her work gives her a stipend for her car) the car my WW bought D19 under her name that she never spoke with me about before doing etc.

WW would not relent. WW would not leave me alone. I was trying to get ready so I could leave. WW kept pushing and unfortunately I let my emotions get the best of me. I looked her right in the eyes and said "I hate thos person who you have become, I deserve so much better, I cannot wait to get away from you and find someone who meets my standards"

WWs brain came to a screaming halt mode sentence and she just stopped talking and stood there with her .outhouses open.

The expression on her face was just complete shock and disbelief. WW finally blundered out "well go ahead and move out then". I just said "I will live in my house until we are no longer married, please get out of my room now as I will not tolerate your continued disrespect!"

WW kept bumbling that this was her house, and her room still and blah blah blah as she finally left my room.

In the 21 years we have been together we have had many arguments. If you listen to hip hop, listen to Lil Peeps track called Aweful Things. The track is about peep being betrayed and the aweful actions and treatment from his WS making it so much easier to drop the rope, in so many words. I put that song on my bluetooth speaker immediately.

WWs actions and behavior are making it much easier to detach and look forward to getting the h3ll away from her.

[SoTorn]

So I'm pretty much done with wanting to R with WW. She travels every other week for a week. She stays with OM the entire time. I feel shes tainted and dirty. I'll never feel the same about her.

I told her to refinance the house in her name and pay me my share so I can move out. I'm done. Surprisingly I have been getting a ton of interest from other women. I mean not really a surprise because I'm very fit now. But I have had a lot of womens interest. So I'm not going to be starved of attention.

[DejaVu6]

Sorry to hear about how things are going ST. It must be so hard to live in the house with that kind of tension. It takes me a while to recover every time I see my H and I only see him a couple times a week for very short periods of time. I can’t imagine if we were still living together. I hear in your writing that you are still struggling with anger over your W’s actions. There is a lot to be angry about, I know. When I let my brain go down that tunnel, I can get really, really angry over my H’s actions. I am trying to let it go. Not because he doesn’t deserve my anger but because I don’t. It is exhausting and sends me into a tailspin. It is not hurting him, it is hurting me. So I am working on forgiveness. I think it will benefit me in the long run... make it easier to move on. Anyway...I wanted to just send you my support and a virtual hug. (((SoTorn)))

[Joe2017]

SoTorn:
Hey man there's nothing wrong with what you said to her. She needs to know she is different than she was and it is a problem. She won't really care, though. It may give her pause, but she will self-justify every time. That's what WWs do.

Now you told her you're done, top talking about your game plan. Have you filed for D yet?