Hey Steve just wanted to say during some of my downtime I've been following your story. Thank you for sharing and for you support. Your piece, such as an example from your subject line, benefits us newcomers in a huge way as we grow and discover. As I try to find this balance, or recalibrate, I am thankful for wonderful people like you. I have spent two days now learning more about self differentiation.
Wish you much success on your journey.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Hey Steve been reading bits here and there although your progress is in small increments -it is still progress and you need to be proud of that. You got this !!! Blessings my brother!!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Adam, thanks for the well wishes! Yes self-differentiation was a game-changer for me. I had become so codependent, even as toxic as our MR had become, that I couldn't fathom happiness without her. Since all of that I have discovered and realized that I need to celebrate our differences, not be ashamed of them. And to be happy in those differences. She may hate the music I listen to, the movies I love, and the TV shows I watch, but that is not a reflection on me! It is me being me and finding my own happiness. When that dynamic is lost in a MR there is no hope of long-term success. Eventually the weight of both people's happiness will cause the one it falls to to collapse. This dynamic is a huge factor is so many of the sitches here.
LW, thanks! I agree with R2C and sandi that her lack of wanting to kiss passionately is a red-flag. While we are not young anymore, we still are relatively young. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without that, and I can't imagine that is what she wants either. Once the house sells and we are back into counseling, we can explore why this is case. Though as I said, I am finding more and more couples that have been married 10+ years that don't kiss like that anymore. So maybe it is much ado about nothing.
I think a big part of it is what I said to sandi earlier. The only time we did that was when it was leading to sex, or in the middle of sex. It was just another pressure related to my Nice Guy tendencies....and now she has a mental block with it. Again, all to be explore in future MC!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Every morning, my lady comes and gives me a kiss goodbye. We hold hands and as she walks away, we maintain contact until our arms are stretched out and then fingers tips separate.
One thing I noticed with My X before the bomb drop was I would lightly squeeze her hand, and no squeeze back...big red flag.
Just a couple things to keep on your radar.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
R2C, thanks. Yes, we are still a ways away from where we were prior to her waywardness. Things are a ton better. For instance, this morning I pulled her over to lay her head on my chest. When her alarm went off she turned it off and came right back and laid on me again. No way does that happen prior to March.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
R2C, thanks. Yes, we are still a ways away from where we were prior to her waywardness. Things are a ton better. For instance, this morning I pulled her over to lay her head on my chest. When her alarm went off she turned it off and came right back and laid on me again. No way does that happen prior to March.
Sounds like a good thing to me!
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Is it bad that sometimes I wish she'd give me the chance? I guess it's normal. Sometimes I feel I made the wrong choice.
Be careful what you wish for.
Anyway's, it is more of a state of mind. Set her free. Do not control her. Love her. Lead her down the fun and exciting path. Protect her. Protect the relationship. If she does not want to be with you, it ran it's course and you do not want to be with a woman who does not want to be with you.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
