Whirlwind of Hurt 6

[Twofeet]

Well I was going to post how well my weekend GAL went, but that just came crashing down. D8 this evening was telling me about her house decor shopping with W yesterday. D5 & S3 were dropped off at my house by W so D8 and her could go shopping. Anyway D8 tells me about the bench in W entry way. W says she bought it off of etsy. Guess not, according to D8, mommy's friend from work and his 14 year old son built the bench and they are making mommy a bed frame. This is clearly OM. I ask D8 if he has met mommy's friend or his son or knows their names. She said no. I drop it after that, no need to pry further.
On another note W told D8 that I might take her dog, but I wasn't sure and I was thinking about it. She told D8 that if I don't take the dog she doesn't know what's going to happen to him, might have to give him away. It was a cause of concern that's why D8 told me about it. WTF.......

These two items have me so mad right now, and its frustrating because there really isn't much I can do about it. Everyone here says don't be so hard on yourself. Seriously, what did I do to deserve this, because this sure as hell feels like punishment. I or we came down with cancer of the MR and it sux big time.

[neffer]

Here is when you need to keep shining even brighter. You are there for your kids and they can rely on you. Step aside from your feeling of frustration and take the time to look at your sitch. Be proud of what you have achieve TF. Now detach some more, enjoy the kids and keep GAL. You need your PMA, use it.

Keep the lighthouse shining!

[ballast]

TF...quite frankly yep you are right, nothing you can do about it. so given that reality, do what you can to free yourself from thinking about it.

what did I do to deserve this, because this sure as hell feels like punishment.

you are definitely not at all alone in feeling that. yesterday i exchange my D back to W and every time i do i have that same exact thought. truth is you didn't do anything to deserve this. your life and your children's life are being impacted by the decisions of your W whether they are right or wrong. you must accept them and then make a new way for yourself and your kids. none of it is fair, happy or wanted, but it is and so you must keep on going. hopefully someday with the benefit and clarity of time, a reason for why this had to be will show itself to you.

praying for you buddy...head up, shake off what you can't control and keep moving forward.

-B

[LH19]

Anyway D8 tells me about the bench in W entry way. W says she bought it off of etsy. .

Ok TF I am going to take another angle here. Why do you know she supposedly got the bench from Betsy? How did it come up in conversation? It's not about the kids or finances.

These two items have me so mad right now, and its frustrating because there really isn't much I can do about it.

Why are you mad about the bench? Because she lied? Because OM made it? Because your'e losing control?

[Twofeet]

LH19,

The day I went to W house for the first time and got the tour from D8 it was sitting in the entry. I said that's a nice bench and W said she had just bought it off of the Etsy website. She has been lying through her teeth since BD so I really shouldn't be surprised. The dog thing makes me mad because it seems like she is trying to manipulate D8 into making me a bad guy for not taking her dog. The OM thing makes me mad because I still foolishly held out hope that OM wasn't OM. W also said OP shouldn't be introduced to the children for min of six months, and before that we should meet them first. Well W is talking to the kids about OM as her friend so it looks like this is garbage starting. If it ever gets to that point I can tell you right now I feel like it wouldn't be a good idea to meet OM.

W is leaving a 20 yr R, 13 year MR, a whole family of 3 young children for what? W left me for OM and the perceived single and free of responsibility fancy free lifestyle. There isn't a d@mn thing I can do about it other than let it happen and it makes me mad.

[SteveLW]

TF, detach. Your reaction to this bench and bed frame show you have much work to do on yourself. This is no longer about your WAW. Or OM. Or even the MR. It is about you.

How are your 180s coming? GAL? We know detachment needs work. Are you in IC?

[LH19]

TF,

I have been on the site for 4 years and I think I can remember 1 story (JRUSS) where there was zero hint of OM. My ex coincidentally dated a guy she use to work with after our D. Shocker huh? Quite frankly since you are so determined on recon I think you are better off there is an OM. If not, that would have meant she gave up everything because she didn't like you very much.

Of course she is going to lie and not tell you that OM made it for her. That's another reason for no small talk, stay out of the house when possible and stick to strictly business.

Look, I never had pets so I am not sure I should comment but if you don't want the dog don't keep it. It will be tough to tell, your kids but they will get over it. I would definitely let your W know to not ever put you on the spot like that again.

[AnotherStander]

Well I was going to post how well my weekend GAL went, but that just came crashing down.

Detached- stuff W does has no impact on my PMA and enjoyment of life.

Attached- stuff W does no matter how minor tends to send me spinning into the darkness.

Twofeet- GOAL = DETACHED

Why in the world do you care where the bench came from? If OM made it she probably told you it came from Etsy to save you from being upset about it. She was lying to spare your feelings.

I ask D8 if he has met mommy's friend or his son or knows their names. She said no. I drop it after that, no need to pry further.

No need to pry AT ALL.

On another note W told D8 that I might take her dog, but I wasn't sure and I was thinking about it. She told D8 that if I don't take the dog she doesn't know what's going to happen to him, might have to give him away. It was a cause of concern that's why D8 told me about it. WTF.......

If you don't want the dog then tell W you don't want it. That's W's issue to deal with, not yours. See above. DETACH.

Seriously, what did I do to deserve this, because this sure as hell feels like punishment.

You didn't do anything. This stuff just happens. People contract cancer, they die in accidents, they get BD'd, terrible things happen to nice people every day. If it doesn't happen to you it happens to friends or loved ones. Life is not a trip down easy street in a chauffeured limousine. It's a gritty, grimy slog through mud and broken glass. You let it defeat you or you make it your b****.

[ovrrnbw]

LH19,

The day I went to W house for the first time and got the tour from D8 it was sitting in the entry. I said that's a nice bench and W said she had just bought it off of the Etsy website. She has been lying through her teeth since BD so I really shouldn't be surprised. The dog thing makes me mad because it seems like she is trying to manipulate D8 into making me a bad guy for not taking her dog. The OM thing makes me mad because I still foolishly held out hope that OM wasn't OM. W also said OP shouldn't be introduced to the children for min of six months, and before that we should meet them first. Well W is talking to the kids about OM as her friend so it looks like this is garbage starting. If it ever gets to that point I can tell you right now I feel like it wouldn't be a good idea to meet OM.

W is leaving a 20 yr R, 13 year MR, a whole family of 3 young children for what? W left me for OM and the perceived single and free of responsibility fancy free lifestyle. There isn't a d@mn thing I can do about it other than let it happen and it makes me mad.

There you go believing the words of a WAS.

"Believe nothing they say and only half of what you see". I remember hearing Floyd Mayweather saying that years ago, that's just how he lives his life.

Her words should be water off the ducks back. The OM should help you detach. Your kids don't understand everything yet, but they will. So be strong for them.

[Twofeet]

I am so worked up over this I had to take a break from work and go sit in my vehicle and meditate. There is some residual anger, but I feel more centered now. I don't care about the bench OM made or the bed frame he is going to make. What upsets me is that this whole time, even when posting on here otherwise, I had deep down fooled myself into believing there wasn't an OM. I fooled myself that what ever was going on in the beginning when I discovered the EA had likely ended. I feel like he is such a step below me that it couldn't be real. So I am mad that she could be so weak and pathetic, especially since she used to have such moral high ground. I am mad at myself for being a foolish idiot and basically lying to myself. I am mad because despite my efforts I am struggling with detachment and lying to myself otherwise. Lastly, I am mad that she is talking to D8 about OM, this is just the start. She is manipulating D8 about the dog, and she does it with other things with the kids. Now I have to contend with this mess. She puts up obstacles whether intentional or not and I have to figure out how to navigate them for myself and the children.
Yes I still hope for recon, but not with this person. I don't know this WW, and I don't like her. Hence, the lighthouse. Maybe she will come back, but maybe she will not.