26 and trying to save a marriage

[ovrrnbw]

Yes, you're being soft on her.

You moved out, paid the bills for her while she slept with someone else, brought up OM and didn't say "F you, that's wrong". Nothing has changed for your W. So it's all hunky dory.

[Joe2017]

GFT:
This may piss some DBers off, but I suggest that you divorce your wife and never get into any other situation with another woman who is committed to another man again (married or not).

All that stuff about getting cheated on? Chalk it up to karma. Take it like an adult, and move on with your life. Get in to see a counselor to help your healing.

That is as complex as your situation needs to be. It [censored], but she's broken and you already stated that you're done with her. If you really mean it, then you know what you have to do.

[GFT00]

Update:

Anyone, notice how little articles, videos, books there is about forgiving someone who cheated on you.
AND NOT WANTING TO GET BACK WITH THEM.
A lot of what I see is forgiving and getting back,

I have found some great stuff especially a chapter in a book called "Get Over It" about writing it off.
It speaks about forgiving people who aren't asking to be forgiven. My soon to be ex-wife in the few times we communicated hasn't even remotely tried to apologize. Not that she has to or should but I want to forgive her.
Not for her sake but because I want my peace of mind.

We're not ever getting back together, she's very happy with her 18 year old boyfriend.
People tell me she takes him out to eat, she tells people I blow up her phone(only contacted her like crazy the night I found out), and that it was my fault.

She's not remorseful at all. I know, I know it's what I get for being the original OM.

I just hate how little content there's about forgiving someone who cheated on you for your sake, not for the sake of the relationship.

As for GAL goes, it's going great. I've been on a date with a total QT, I'll be taking her out again on Sunday.
I'm obviously no longer paying for her rent. I contacted the divorce lawyer today, unfortunately I can't get an appointment until 02/13... lol too close to 02/14. I don't miss the gym, I got new clothes, I go out, and I'm more dedicated than ever to getting into the graduate program at the state college of my dreams.

What makes this all the most difficult, she went back to work at my uncle's restaurant like it's nothing. She sees my family and occasionally my mom. Put the blame on me and I just have to hear all these stories. I told myself that I wouldn't allow people to tell me about her anymore it gets in my mind too much.
I want to just forgive her for my sake, she's not asking for my forgiveness and probably never will. But I want to fully move on and the constant approximation or the amount of mutual people we know makes it all the more difficult.

Thank you!!

[ovrrnbw]

Tell everyone that you don't care to hear stories about your STBXW and that you'll say it once, and if they bring it up again then you won't be around to listen to them.

Forgiving her for your own sake is the best plan. Everything else sounds good. I'm glad you have a date and are ready to move on.

[Ready2Change]

Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. When I forgive, it helps me. When someone forgives me, it helps them.

[Ready2Change]

I want to just forgive her for my sake, she's not asking for my forgiveness and probably never will.

Just do it. Not in words to her. I forgave my X wife. I have not said anything to her. It is how I think of her. I still get frustrated with her behavior, but there is nothing I can do but forgive her. Her issues, not mine.