Steve - tons of good responses and I won't belabor any more than what others have said.
If I was in your position, here is what I would do:
1. Don't have any R talks and let the holidays pass. See where your feelings are settling at that point. 2. Take a lot of space and time, as much as possible right now. Maybe some GAL, but more introspection about why you are feeling this way and what would a happy M look like for you? 3. Communicate with her that you need to take some space and time. She already knows something is not right. Don't create anxiety for her and for you either. If she knows you're in a funk and need space, then you can relax around her and she can as well. I wouldn't go into any detail, but at least communicate something so she's not on pins and needles.
I feel that you and her got really comfortable after she came back and things kinda went back, slightly improved, to the way they were. I believe you're still in survival mode because you intuitively know that what you have right now with her is not what you wanted, or you pictured it differently.
Be compassionate towards yourself and what you're feeling is very real and true. So take the time with it.
Steve - tons of good responses and I won't belabor any more than what others have said.
If I was in your position, here is what I would do:
1. Don't have any R talks and let the holidays pass. See where your feelings are settling at that point. 2. Take a lot of space and time, as much as possible right now. Maybe some GAL, but more introspection about why you are feeling this way and what would a happy M look like for you? 3. Communicate with her that you need to take some space and time. She already knows something is not right. Don't create anxiety for her and for you either. If she knows you're in a funk and need space, then you can relax around her and she can as well. I wouldn't go into any detail, but at least communicate something so she's not on pins and needles.
I feel that you and her got really comfortable after she came back and things kinda went back, slightly improved, to the way they were. I believe you're still in survival mode because you intuitively know that what you have right now with her is not what you wanted, or you pictured it differently.
Be compassionate towards yourself and what you're feeling is very real and true. So take the time with it.
If I ask for time and space she'll want to know why. You're absolutely right, she can sense something despite my best efforts. So I don't know if I can divert until the 8th.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Think about it this way - give her what you think you would've wanted from her when prior to and when BD happened TO YOU! So how can you do this in a better way?
Steve, as others have said, give yourself some time. You don't need to make a decision RIGHT NOW. I would be amazed if your thoughts weren't all over the place. Please don't make a hasty decision you'll regret later.
I have to admit, I don't really understand, though. Two months ago, you were "things are really good between us; we're working on R, and she's really sincere in her efforts." One months ago you were "things are still really good, but she won't kiss me, and that bothers me." And now you're "I don't know if I want to be with her." Is it just that you got what you thought you wanted, but now realize it's not what you actually wanted after all?
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
What flipped the switch, Steve? In your posts it seem to have started with our discussion on the lack of passionate kissing. Then you wrote that she turned you down for sex. Next thing I know, you are questioning if you want to remain in a relationship with her.
I would think you might be experiencing emotional detachment for the first time. Considering how co-dependent you were, it must feel strange to suddenly wonder if you even want her anymore. Sometimes the LBH realizes his self worth and he is fed up and isn't going to continue making everything about her. The biggest thing that makes me question that it's detachment is your urgency to confront her.
I want to encourage you to say nothing before Christmas. Just try to go with the flow of the holidays. Whatever it is that you want to say to her will keep till later. In the meantime, pray and ask for spiritual guidance. It's real tough to get ourselves at of the way and just let God handle things.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Didn't she BD you around Christmas? Maybe its the turmoil, and residual feelings from being BD, plus all the work you are putting into reconciliation are just boiling over. Sit on it, look inward, seek IC, then if appropriate MC. You sound like you are expressing some GIGS, but we know that the grass is not greener. Water your grass. From the outside this appears to have more to do with you than her. You have time so take time.
Lastly, spend some significant time praying to God for guidance.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
