My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 5

[SoTorn]

That's how I'm handling it. Seems to work very well.

[Davide]

The only thing I wish I knew was how to tell “when the sitch changes enough to re-evaluate.” My guess would be when she comes back begging YOU to stay. So, you know, 1-2 years...right? Or Sia can you clarify?

I think the more likely scenario for the sitch changing enough to re-evalute is when you get sick enough of the limbo and the crap that she is pulling and YOU make the decision that you don't want this person in your life.

[ovrrnbw]

Ovr, I don’t know what the difference between going dark versus NC is, either one u pick, the point is to give yourself some space from her. I only respond back about kids or about finances, even the simplest thing about kids I respond back because that is important to me. You have no kids so it will be only about important financial topics or an emergency. Her car not starting up is not an emergency but if it ran over the cliff it is, you know what I mean. And what’s the point of few weeks , what are you expecting in few weeks? This should be the status quo until the sitch changes enough to re-evaluate

I was saying a few weeks of straight not responding to a call or text even if it was about finances. Our finances are fine, she is just crabbing to get me to give her more money right now.

There's a chance my W will be home a night or two this week. I'm thinking about taking an air mattress and spending the night somewhere else if she is home. I just don't want to see her.

Today she texts a Timehop screenshot from 2 years ago of a dinner I made. Then a couple hours later "Over...." then another hour later she says "Sorry, having a hard time."

No response from me. I've been at home by myself for a while now and you ran off to OM's parent's house again. This loser lives at his parent's house.

I'm still super pumped for the new job and money and freedom and am so ready to hit it hard come March.

[SoTorn]

Ovr, I don’t know what the difference between going dark versus NC is, either one u pick, the point is to give yourself some space from her. I only respond back about kids or about finances, even the simplest thing about kids I respond back because that is important to me. You have no kids so it will be only about important financial topics or an emergency. Her car not starting up is not an emergency but if it ran over the cliff it is, you know what I mean. And what’s the point of few weeks , what are you expecting in few weeks? This should be the status quo until the sitch changes enough to re-evaluate

I was saying a few weeks of straight not responding to a call or text even if it was about finances. Our finances are fine, she is just crabbing to get me to give her more money right now.

There's a chance my W will be home a night or two this week. I'm thinking about taking an air mattress and spending the night somewhere else if she is home. I just don't want to see her.

Today she texts a Timehop screenshot from 2 years ago of a dinner I made. Then a couple hours later "Over...." then another hour later she says "Sorry, having a hard time."

No response from me. I've been at home by myself for a while now and you ran off to OM's parent's house again. This loser lives at his parent's house.

I'm still super pumped for the new job and money and freedom and am so ready to hit it hard come March.

My WW was texting me quite a bit, and I stopped responding to her completely because none of it was urgent about kids or finances. I got a sad "I never know when you will be home, you never respond to my texts anymore" from her the other day.

I just smiled, went to my room, showered and left again without saying another word to her. I am sure that my WW thinks I am just trying to be mean or something, thats how she acts about it anyway. I am not trying to be mean, I am just not available to her like I was before.

[ovrrnbw]

Hey guys,

So I went totally no contact, no responding to anything, and went out and enjoyed myself over the weekend and Christmas. I needed some space b/c she was really hurting me and I was letting her. Christmas Eve started the parade of texts, pics, calls. All ignored. All about missing me and how things are hard for her. Christmas Day was the same, then W left her parents house and showed up at our house in the morning to talk.

I told her I'd had enough of her lies, deceit, disrespect and that I'm not doing it anymore. She did a lot of crying, said she wanted to try again. I said I don't and can't trust her and that I'm done living like that. Told her I know she went to OM's house (his parent's house since that's where he lives - POS) and when and how she lied to me all those times plus this month and also back in June, July, Sept, Oct and that it's disgusting and that's just who she is now. She said that's not who she is and I said BS. That's exactly who she is so why should I do this again? Asked her how I could ever trust her. I let her come up with some ideas and threw in some of my own.

Long story short she's agreed to:
1. MC - told her is she makes excuses not to go then it's over.
2. OM - told her she can call him in front of me and tell him it's over. Going to do this tonight.
3. Location app - I can see where she is b/c she's always lied about where she was going.
4. Get rid of Snapchat. It's all deleted so how would I know she isn't contacting OM?
5. Treatment of me has to be better.

So I didn't go back with her to her parent's house, I went on with my Christmas Day plans and went hunting all day yesterday which I already had planned.

So here we are, I'm going to have to just stick to my guns and she can't do it then she can't do it. That's where I am at mentally, just tired of the pain and I'm not gonna give in or gloss over things anymore. That is definitely the dumbest thing, and I know that from experience.

Any advice is appreciated.

[SoTorn]

Hey guys,

So I went totally no contact, no responding to anything, and went out and enjoyed myself over the weekend and Christmas. I needed some space b/c she was really hurting me and I was letting her. Christmas Eve started the parade of texts, pics, calls. All ignored. All about missing me and how things are hard for her. Christmas Day was the same, then W left her parents house and showed up at our house in the morning to talk.

I told her I'd had enough of her lies, deceit, disrespect and that I'm not doing it anymore. She did a lot of crying, said she wanted to try again. I said I don't and can't trust her and that I'm done living like that. Told her I know she went to OM's house (his parent's house since that's where he lives - POS) and when and how she lied to me all those times plus this month and also back in June, July, Sept, Oct and that it's disgusting and that's just who she is now. She said that's not who she is and I said BS. That's exactly who she is so why should I do this again? Asked her how I could ever trust her. I let her come up with some ideas and threw in some of my own.

Long story short she's agreed to:
1. MC - told her is she makes excuses not to go then it's over.
2. OM - told her she can call him in front of me and tell him it's over. Going to do this tonight.
3. Location app - I can see where she is b/c she's always lied about where she was going.
4. Get rid of Snapchat. It's all deleted so how would I know she isn't contacting OM?
5. Treatment of me has to be better.

So I didn't go back with her to her parent's house, I went on with my Christmas Day plans and went hunting all day yesterday which I already had planned.

So here we are, I'm going to have to just stick to my guns and she can't do it then she can't do it. That's where I am at mentally, just tired of the pain and I'm not gonna give in or gloss over things anymore. That is definitely the dumbest thing, and I know that from experience.

Any advice is appreciated.

Wow man. Its all about her actions and not her words. Has she said she wanted to R before? I believe its the same thing for WW, consistent positive actions and keeping you well informed and being 100% transparent. Its going to take a metric ton of work on her end to rebuild that trust.

[Ginger1]

The holidays are a very emotional time of the year. I think your boundaries are quite reasonable. Going from OM directly to you, without an off time in between is going to take a lot of perserverance and sticking to those boundaries. It's going to be the hardest work you have done.

So Torn is absolutely right. She needs to show you actions.

best of luck.

[Ready2Change]

Hey guys,

So I went totally no contact, no responding to anything, and went out and enjoyed myself over the weekend and Christmas. I needed some space b/c she was really hurting me and I was letting her. Christmas Eve started the parade of texts, pics, calls. All ignored. All about missing me and how things are hard for her. Christmas Day was the same, then W left her parents house and showed up at our house in the morning to talk.

I told her I'd had enough of her lies, deceit, disrespect and that I'm not doing it anymore. She did a lot of crying, said she wanted to try again. I said I don't and can't trust her and that I'm done living like that. Told her I know she went to OM's house (his parent's house since that's where he lives - POS) and when and how she lied to me all those times plus this month and also back in June, July, Sept, Oct and that it's disgusting and that's just who she is now. She said that's not who she is and I said BS. That's exactly who she is so why should I do this again? Asked her how I could ever trust her. I let her come up with some ideas and threw in some of my own.

Long story short she's agreed to:
1. MC - told her is she makes excuses not to go then it's over.
2. OM - told her she can call him in front of me and tell him it's over. Going to do this tonight.
3. Location app - I can see where she is b/c she's always lied about where she was going.
4. Get rid of Snapchat. It's all deleted so how would I know she isn't contacting OM?
5. Treatment of me has to be better.

So I didn't go back with her to her parent's house, I went on with my Christmas Day plans and went hunting all day yesterday which I already had planned.

So here we are, I'm going to have to just stick to my guns and she can't do it then she can't do it. That's where I am at mentally, just tired of the pain and I'm not gonna give in or gloss over things anymore. That is definitely the dumbest thing, and I know that from experience.

Any advice is appreciated.

Do not backslide. This is how you DB.


PS: Nice balls!

[Ready2Change]

Think about how you plan on enforcing the NC boundary.

When you....
I feel....
If you.....
I will....

[SoTorn]

I got caught up on your sitch. Your WW is all over the damn place lol. With mine, the OM is in another state and is easy access when WW travels. I honestly feel that she is ok with that right now. WW hasnt even hinted on R with me. WW was doing the crazy calling, texting a few times, but once I stopped responding to her and answering her calls she stopped. I was getting those temp checks last week of "You never talk to me, you never respond to me". My WW is very stubborn and honestly I think she is borderline bi-polar.

Unfortunately, I feel that even if I DB perfectly, my WW will never pursue me and try to R. Therefore, I am just DBing to protect my emotions and ready myself for the D and me moving on completely. I am getting there. Its a rough road. I am actually glad my WW isnt trying to get me to hold her, or fight over the bed etc. My WW just moved upstairs and said "Peace out" but then that is where she stopped. WW just lives upstairs now, nothing changing that I can see.