Wife in MLC, I think

[ovrrnbw]

I'm sorry to hear this LB...

But it's out of your hands, try to enjoy some time this Christmas. Are you still getting to see the kids?

Do you drink ever? If not, would take a pee test to prove you are sober mean anything?

Read R2C's thread about his presentation to get 50/50 custody. I got upset, then felt like anything was possible. You can do this, but your going to have to pull yourself together and make it happen!

[DC421]

I may be new to this board...and I have not read your story. But I'm not new to divorce...having been thru a very nasty divorce and then a nasty custody battle.

Get a lawyer...there are protections and systems that are there to serve both parties. Your lawyer will know the next move...and will be able to protect you legally.

Ask friends, family, co-workers to recommend a lawyer. Don't go for the cheapest lawyer...find one with the most experience you can afford.

If you have any joint accounts...close them. Don't spend on them...or withdraw from them...just close them to prevent her from taking. Don't think "she'd never do that"...she will. My XW got a boob job on our credit card while we were going thru divorce. I call them "Mastercard and Visa"...paid for them, never got to play with them!

While you are waiting for your meeting with a lawyer...go thru her affidavit line by line and write your response. Find any documents or items that go against what she has stated. Gather all your financial info...tax returns, bank accounts, credit card statements, mortgage, etc. You lawyer will need all of that.

Do NOT involve your children.

Do NOT respond to her in any way.

Take a deep breathe and get to work. The more documents, statement, info you have on paper when you meet your lawyer, the better. Makes it easier for you to respond legally quicker. As another poster said...look at this now as a business item. Do the work to protect your self, your finances, your kids. Now is not the time for any pity party (not saying you are)...it's time to get pissed and use that energy to fight back legally.

You will be ok...you will get thru this and come out the other side! Best of luck!

[SoTorn]

Stay calm man. Trust the lawyer. Seems like you need a pitbull lawyer. Get character reference letters from all of your officers/friends/families etc. See if you can go to see a counselor/psychologist to give you a clean bill of health. There is no way any of the "beating" stuff will fly. You are out of the country, not possible.

That filing is so ridiculous that I bet any judge worth his pay would toss out most of those requests. A good L will help you a long way. I am so sorry.

I am glad my WW hasnt gone nuts on me. My WW actually got an L and was going to file. However, I broke DB rules and talked to her, not about R, but asking her why she suddenly thinks I am her enemy. I was able to get her to calm down and nothing has come from it.

However, I do expect paperwork eventually. I told WW that if she wants to file we can go to mediation. If she files I will file a request for mediation.

[Ready2Change]

It is critically important to control your anger right now. I channel mine into proactive action. Some will go to the gym and beat up the punching bag.

Do you have any messages between you and W where she AGREED to time with your children. I use this as starting point.

Do not fight the supervised visits. Embrace it. They will be your witness that you are safe.

Same with therapists, etc. If you are safe, they will be your best supporters.

Any concerns I had, I would just get the therapist recommendations. MsR2C would get pissed!


I am not sure, But I believe you can get the police to accompany you to the house so they can observe you seeing your children. Even if it is just a 5 minute hugging session.


Always have someone as a witness. Not the children. The more athority and neutral the better.

[AnotherStander]

Man LB, I really feel for you, what a horrible situation! I really don't understand why it happens that sometimes WAS's go to such an extreme to make the LBS sound like the worst, most evil person in the world but unfortunately it does happen. As the others said your only choice at this point is to lawyer up and trust your L to cover you. I'm sure you can get an extension on the RO hearing since she basically gave you zero time to find an L. I mean you have a week to reply and she hits you with it on Christmas weekend? That timing is 100% intentional and so heartless it's practically beyond words. Find an L, I'm sure their first step will be to get an extension and then they will help you get properly prepared for the battle ahead. Your W is in for a rude awakening when she finds out she can't just make baseless accusations and ride off into the sunset with everything she wants.

[Ready2Change]

Find an L, I'm sure their first step will be to get an extension and then they will help you get properly prepared for the battle ahead.

Extensions are part of the process.


Take time a decide what is important for you and have the lawyers argue that. For me it was my time with my kids.

Compartmentalize things. Makes it easier.

PARENTING:

50/50 is best for the kids. I know things for you have not been like that, but you can have a plan to get there.

Anything less than that and I would get "Right of first refusal" in the parenting agreement.

ASSETS:

There will be a balance sheet. House cars etc. Figure out the VALUE and do not share this with W. Let her claim value first. Does she want it on her side or yours. Decide if it fair. If not, you can counter it.

CHILD SUPPORT:

Child support is typically just a formula based on father income/mother income/overnights with mom/overnights with Dad.

[Ready2Change]

For your consults:

Bring Pen and notepad and take notes.
Draw up a list of questions before hand so you can get answers.

When can I see my kids?

Is your state a fault / no fault state?

Is your state equal equity?


Last questions to ask L:

How much is the Retainer. How much of the process will this cover?

(Be prepared for the retainer to be drained before this is over and you will need another big chunk of money)
Lawyers are in this to make money.

Both lawyers will know how much "Disposable" money your family has and can argue it all away. Then, when it is gone, decide "We should settle".

[ballast]

had a buddy come back from Iraq and ran into the exact same deal.

get legal representation front and center. as Stander says your W will be in for a rude awakening when her "plan" hits the law. the WW's have as much fantasy with the law as they do with their affair partners.

you must stay centered, take care of yourself and give no fuel to her fire.

as I said up front, thank you for your service. it takes a special kind of cruel WW to pull S88T like this over Christmas. please know you have a ton of support from all of us on here.

you are not at all alone LB!

-B

[BluWave]

I am sorry this is happening. Wow, what a mess. That is quite a long list of accusations by her! She listed more than once that you were physically abusive. I also noticed that you stated twice that you have "P-A tendencies." I do not know what that even stands for. Is this what you are referring to, being physically abusive? And if so, does she have any police records or prior restraining orders against you? Some of that may be over our heads on how to advise you here on the boards. I am afraid you are going to need a good L to protect yourself before interacting with her at all. Please be careful being alone with her or what you say/text/email with her. Keep posting! This may just be the begning of a long and difficult journey.

Blu

[Joe2017]

If it is legal where you live, I would advise using a voice recorder (or app) during all face to face interactions with her. It will keep you from acting a fool and it will keep her from being able to lie as easily about your conversations. I would not tell her, I would just do it.