That is why it is so critical to give your spouse what they want ASAP. This is true love. Set them free, wish them well, you forgive them and focus on your own personal growth. During this process, you hit rock bottom.
Then time goes by. It has been over a year (or more) Then the hard part. They hit rock bottom. They come back. You are so far ahead of them now. You are now wiser. How do you love them now?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Great video, gives hope for when you're feeling down. Although he sort of makes it sound like just about ALL of them look back at some point. Consistent with AS's impression, for sure.
One way or another the grass will be greener for us.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Although he sort of makes it sound like just about ALL of them look back at some point.
Yeah but here's the rub, when they look back and they see the same beta they left behind they will keep moving forward. However if they see an alpha and they turn around, your'e an alpha and love and value yourself too much to take back someone who walked away from you. Not to mention your already have a hotter and younger companion anyway.
if they see an alpha and they turn around, your'e an alpha and love and value yourself too much to take back someone who walked away from you. Not to mention your already have a hotter and younger companion anyway.
So the net result is that our lives start being great, we’re free of their BS, and they end up being the fools? Strange though considering how very very happy she seems to think she’ll be without me... maybe we’ll both be better off.
Anyway, where’s the guy doing the video saying “WWs, don’t do your script, the grass isn’t greener, it’s a bad idea”? Haven’t they seen these videos?
Last edited by burned; 12/21/1809:06 PM.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Anyway, where’s the guy doing the video saying “WWs, don’t do your script, the grass isn’t greener, it’s a bad idea”? Haven’t they seen these videos?
Burned you can't can't use logic and reason with a WW. They are emotional creatures who are convinced that the LBS is the source of their unhappiness. This is all based on emotions. There is not a person alive who can convince them otherwise.
So the net result is that our lives start being great, we’re free of their BS, and they end up being the fools? Strange though considering how very very happy she seems to think she’ll be without me... maybe we’ll both be better off.
B,
Throughout this hell that you have been dealing with, look back on what you have accomplished, and ask yourself:
"Am I working on being TRULY happier? Have I had those moments of TRUE happiness? Who cares what anyone else thinks?"
I am going to say yes. Why? Because we are similar in our mindset, feelings, and actions. I know I have my genuinely happy moments in between moments of chaos and sadness. And those moments feel great. There is no "yeah, but" feeling. It's just..."yeah".
You have those moments as well. Your GAL stuff you're doing. The fish sandwich experience. Moments of TRUE happiness.
Keep detaching, B. Your mindset should be:
She does not give a damn about your feelings. Anything that gives off the impression otherwise should ALWAYS be a red flag and a hidden motive behind it. ALWAYS.
TRUST NOTHING FROM HER.
You WILL be better off, whether it's with or without her. Period.
Then time goes by. It has been over a year (or more) Then the hard part. They hit rock bottom. They come back. You are so far ahead of them now. You are now wiser. How do you love them now?
Exactly. I've talked to a lot of LBS's in real life that couldn't, and in fact the sentiment is usually "I can't believe I didn't just hold the door open for him/her when he/she said she wanted to leave."
Originally Posted by burned
Although he sort of makes it sound like just about ALL of them look back at some point. Consistent with AS's impression, for sure.
I do say that a lot which is ironic considering my ex has never approached me about recon. However, her attitude now versus just after BD is much different. Not that she was ever mean to me even after BD, but she didn't want to have ANYTHING to do with me. She couldn't stand me. Now she's inviting me to do stuff, asking me to come over and help with things, telling people what an awesome guy I am. It's so drastically different. And that's really what I try to preach here is that the WAS is more than likely going to have a change of heart some day. Whether that leads to a recon request or not is hard to say, but she's not always going to treat you like a leper.
Originally Posted by LH19
Yeah but here's the rub, when they look back and they see the same beta they left behind they will keep moving forward. However if they see an alpha and they turn around, your'e an alpha and love and value yourself too much to take back someone who walked away from you. Not to mention your already have a hotter and younger companion anyway.
Word
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
and you forgot much better sex!
So true. To think what I would have settled for after S if it just meant recon. Hell I probably would have agreed to a sexless marriage. Now? Oh no I don't think so! I accept nothing less than toe-curling, eyelid fluttering experiences now, LOL!
There's this scene on the show Vikings that reminds me so much of the WAS's here. Rollo goes to the Seer and is despondent after losing everything and asks if his life is over. The Seer laughs and says "Oh Rollo, if you knew what the gods have in store for you, you would go down right now and dance naked on the beach!" So many of you think you're at the end when in fact you've got a future ahead of you that is going to blow your mind.
