Letting Go. Detaching. Done Engaging.

[SoTorn]

Yep ignore the holy hell out of her. That is what I am doing. My WW is filling the void I left my detaching with negative. Only negative. So I will just go full NC. I stay away. Even when I try and validate she tries to say I am being mean.

WW was upstairs speaking to me while I was downstairs. WW asked me something about S11's homework. I responded and when I did I looked up and spoke louder since, you know, she was on the second floor! Instead of just continuing the conversation WW said "You don't have to raise your voice at me!" I try to validate and she just follows with another comment. Not about her feelings but complaining. I am trying to hard to add "That sounds frustrating" to my vocab.

[Did]

Feeling pretty down. Last interaction w asked for D4 pajama shirt so they can be twins on Xmas. I said she wore it but I have it if you want to come up and get it.

Just lonely man. Sht hurts.

Want her and our family. Doesn’t seem like it’s in the cards. I haven’t been reaching out to her. Maybe I should completely ignore her more and not even answer questions even though it’s the opposite of what I want.

[Did]

Thinking of not being there on Christmas with D4 and just half the time for her childhood. As I’m thinking this stuff w sends me some stupid astrology Instagram post about every sign hating Gemini. Her sign. She doesn’t get it. No response.

[Did]

Going to head to the gym. Contemplating asking out the hot trainer who’ve been locking eyes with but I guess that’s an unhealthy distraction knowing I’m not in a place to date and have a new healthy relationship.

Then drive back home to hangout with family for a day or two.

I’ll pass right near w place. Def should not drop off the shirt she wants even though it’s convenient. Just NgS. Completely committing to do what works.

[Did]

FaceTimed me. Talked to D4. It’s nice for her to have such a fun holiday with her mom. Taking myself out of the equation.

I won’t go out of my way but they can meet me on my way to get the shirt. 🤷‍♂️

[Ginger1]

Better idea. Put the shirt in the bag and leave it on the doorknob for her to pick up while you are out.

I’ve been doing that forever with my ex.

[sandi2]

I recommend you use a shared electronic calendar for the purpose of planning D4's activities, which parent has her when, etc. That should cut out a lot of unnecessary back & forth chit chat. She will probably not like it, b/c she uses D4 as her ticket to contact you, but you can tell her to put it on the calendar.

Stay strong. When she sees you aren't going to fall into your old ways, hopefully she'll stop with some of this stuff.

[Did]

Thanks ginger and Sandi. Now she doesn’t want the dam shirt.

Shared calendar is a good idea.

Working on detaching caring less. Going dim / dark. Moving on. All while still wanting a new relationship with her. Knowing she’s got her own issues to work on and I can’t do anything for her.

She asked who has D4 for New Years. Mentioned she definitely doesn’t have anything to do. I guess telling me there is no OM at this point. Not that it really matters. Of course I want to do something together. But only if we were working on things which we aren’t.

She has D4 for Christmas I guess I should have her for New Years. Or should I gal and be too busy / unavailable.

Overall advice greatly appreciated.

[ovrrnbw]

Did,

be strong man. She's going through some tough stuff. It doesn't give her a free pass to cheat or treat you like garbage, but I hope you can find your strength. I know you have it, with your athletic and competitive background. Stuff like this gets you down but it doesn't have to keep you down.

I'm in that same spot as you in regards to you wanting to ask the trainer chick out. I want to find a gal to occupy me and make me feel better. But I haven't decided to do that.

I can tell you're getting stronger and you're probably tired of making the same old mistakes. You did all those things for her to show her how much you care and she didn't respond. You have to look out for numero uno now.

I think you need to limit contact in any way you can, so that shared calendar idea is great.

Mentioned she definitely doesn’t have anything to do.

Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do. Usually when my W makes a statement where you would draw a quick, logical conclusion it means the exact opposite. For example, a couple days ago she made mention of how she doesn't get to use our house and she shouldn't have to be at her parent's house. Well, my liar W was at OM's house, and she is just trying to sow subtle lies to move the truth a little bit at a time.

If your W offered to watch your daughter for New Years, you could take her up on that if you wanted to go out. If not, take your daughter. I think you should decide for yourself there, and don't let what your W is doing affect that decision.

Overall, you just need to find ways to limit contact with your W so that you can move forward. Your W wants to pull your strings and call/text/instagram you all the time. Hey I want that t-shirt b/c blahblahblah, nevermind I don't want it. She's clearly not sure what to do about you pulling back. But this is what she asked for.

[Did]

Thanks ovr appreciate the dialogue. Yea I’m definitely tired of making mistakes and going to talk to her a week or two ago when she said she missed me so much was another one. I should of played hard to get a bit and I should know this sht by now.

I guess she’s having a hard time but she doesn’t act like it. She doesn’t show it to me much. And when she has in the past I’ve swooped right in on my white horse to rescue her. And not let her feel the consequences of her actions, sense of loss etc. I won’t be making those mistakes again.

You’re also right on not believing what they say and statements meaning the exact opposite. Months ago before we slept together she was telling me she hadn’t been dating or hadn’t been with anyone and that was completely false. Why do I want to be with this woman who has straight up lied. And says it’s because we’re separated and it’s not my business. Who has said she’s inconsistent and feels like she deserves to be selfish. Is my self worth that low. Or is it just because I keep paying the highlight reel of our relationship instead of the documentary. I know a big piece is being with D4 consistently.

One thing I am 100% sure of is I need to be ok with moving on without her. Whether I feel consistent in that or not it is the likely outcome and it is the only way she will potentially change her mind and want to commit. So either way I need to get back to DB for me.

Heading home to be with family 90 min drive. Packing DR and Nmmng.

I don’t have plans for New Years maybe I’ll see if I can make any or just have D4 and enjoy the time with her.

Thanks for the support