Not sure how to proceed or move on Pt2

[AnotherStander]

Hello all, some news here. I know this is a divorce busting forum, but my update is exactly the opposite. Since my last post, two days later I decided to throw in the towel, and agreed to sign a divorce agreement with her at the courthouse.

Well actually that's not against DB'ing. The DB'ing rules are to not pursue D, but if your spouse does then don't do anything to block it. So from what you're describing it sounds like your ex initiated and you capitulated, which is exactly what you should do.

He said "I want to show you something but don't tell her I showed you" and he sent me a screenshot of her facebook post from this morning.

Don't read anything into it. She's still on her emotional roller coaster and will be for quite some time. What it tells me is she is just -beginning- to come out of the fog and realize that maybe you weren't the source of all her problems after all. But she still has a long, long way to go. There's definitely hope there if you want it, but what you have to do right now is hold firm, stay dark, and DO NOT PURSUE.

When I got home I read it over and over and actually started crying. I felt like I was stronger then this. I know it's too late since I am divorced, but it made me second guess my decision to some degree. I know I had to get on with my life, but should I have waited longer?

No you've done the right thing. Most WAS's need the "finality" of D before they even begin coming out of the fog.

I just had no idea she felt this way.

It was just a temporary emotional outburst. And by the way, she 100% knew you would see it and posted it for your benefit. It's her way of keeping you on the hook. Do not acknowledge it in any way, shape or form.

Since then she's been texting me every couple days with random questions (if you can't tell thats her way of starting a convo? she's weird and too proud...). Sometimes I answer later in the day, sometimes next day, not a priority at all, and keep it straight to the point.

Good, keep it up!

I said "lets grab lunch". She said "Im working today so I can't but we can another day". Then she said "But remember the problems we had the last time we tried? I don't want that to happen again " I said "There won't be any problems from me", and she said "But what's your intention with this?" I said "nothing" and she said "So?" "You want us to get back together, that's what you want?" and I said "No, it's just lunch".

That's pursuit and you've got to stop all pursuit. Do you know the squirrel analogy? You moved towards her and now she's run back up the tree. Your job is to hold perfectly still and let HER do the approaching.

[Hurt213]

Lost,

So, I am writing this in the best intention my friend.

So you apologized to each other, for things in the past, I guess thats a form of closure, and a starting point for a new beginning, where, for now, you dont fight or cause negative impact on each others life. Hey, great man, if that is all it is, then thats great.

Let her text, dont mindread, answer in your time, if you feel detached enough to.. not mindread... if you do, then dont answer. because you will create covert contracts, and you will get disappointed, and you will be back to where she will see you as weak for it, and thats not what you want.

"Yesterday, I wanted to experiment a little" <-- So, here is where I loose you. It's not a game my man, this is life. Dont play games with your ex, she is a human being. I think, you really want to have lunch with her, because now you are on a good foot, (whatever its called in english), and you have unknowingly made a covert contract about how she will behave and what she will do if you go for lunch. You will end up frustrated, disappointed, and your progress with her will go back to ground zero, sorry.

She asked you directly, "so you want to go back together or what", she is on the fence, her walls are definitely standing tall around you, and you need to step back, stop experimenting with real life people, work on yourself, detach, show her how you are a great person, a person with goals in life, a person who knows what he wants, and does what he knows is right.

You are mind reading and getting hopes up from interpreting on her responses. That is not detachment my friend, and it will unfortunately come off as pursuit. I would hold off the lunch for now, and work on my self, knowing that hey, We made it a step further, now we dont argue and fight at least. Thats a win. Now back to my "make lost the most awesome dude out there" plan.

In time my friend, in time.