So let's say if you do what the guy says or similarly follow DB which is to stop the pursuit and GAL and minimize the backsliding so that his overarching script becomes true for you. You become AMOAFWL. I dont think he was guaranteeing an attempt for recon. I mean there is also the chance the WAS wants to recon, but they know they have no chance and just don't bother. The WAS just has to eat that regret sandwich for the rest of their lives (I find this really sad). Look at AS, sounds like he upgraded for a better younger model. He says his WAS never attempted to reconcile, but maybe she would want to and feels or knows she has no chance. Maybe or maybe not.
Looking to comeback is not the same as an attempt to comeback.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
TF- I think your wife is closer to the realization then you think but you need to keep making that grass greener around your lighthouse. Don't push her just back off and let her flounder for a while. She's thinking about you and she's especially watching you now over the holidays. Make sure you keep it fun and light. Merry Christmas TF
M46 W44 T20 M19 S21 D17 D11 D9 BD 1/2003 Reconciled 2/2004 Contemplating leaving again 4/2018 Deciding to stay 10/2018 (dodged another bullet...few)
After the holidays I am going to challenge you to get some time and space away from your W. I have been following your story from day one and you have had a lot of complaints about your W. Once the dust starts to settle your may very well start to feel different.
Trust me if and when your W wants to recon she will let you know. Remember you have young kids, she could easily say lets recon for the kids.
Well she doesn't know it but I was able to confirm her PA today. She came over for Christmas morning per child plan. D5 asked her to clean up D5 after using the bathroom. W left her phone open on the table so I looked. Pics and texts going back and forth. Texts talking about meeting at each others places and times for sex. I took some pics with my phone in case any divorce proceedings go sideways and I need leverage. Sad thing is both of these two people can lose their jobs for this. I won't be doing anything about it because I need my W to keep her job. You know when you thought you knew someone and their "morals" you really know nothing. You really only know yourself. I am pretty shook up right now, but I will be ok. It's not a be all end all just another wave and I won't let me knock myself off my boat. Just going to keep moving forward with the kids and have a good Christmas.
I don't know if I should fully expose this affair and blow it up, but its probably too late. Not sure how I feel about recon right now. I still feel like I want it, but everything is so new and I need to process everything. If anything this just raises the bar even higher if she ever wants to recon.
I want to end this post on a high note. Merry Christmas everyone.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Well she doesn't know it but I was able to confirm her PA today. She came over for Christmas morning per child plan. D5 asked her to clean up D5 after using the bathroom. W left her phone open on the table so I looked. Pics and texts going back and forth. Texts talking about meeting at each others places and times for sex. I took some pics with my phone in case any divorce proceedings go sideways and I need leverage. Sad thing is both of these two people can lose their jobs for this. I won't be doing anything about it because I need my W to keep her job. You know when you thought you knew someone and their "morals" you really know nothing. You really only know yourself. I am pretty shook up right now, but I will be ok. It's not a be all end all just another wave and I won't let me knock myself off my boat. Just going to keep moving forward with the kids and have a good Christmas.
I don't know if I should fully expose this affair and blow it up, but its probably too late. Not sure how I feel about recon right now. I still feel like I want it, but everything is so new and I need to process everything. If anything this just raises the bar even higher if she ever wants to recon.
I want to end this post on a high note. Merry Christmas everyone.
I'm really sorry TF. Even though we assume that our S is having an affair it hurts just as much if not more so when you do find the proof.
R should be the furthest thing from your mind, especially now. Just grit your teeth and keep on going.
Sorry man, it’s a bad day for it. But really any day is a bad day to find out something like that.
Don’t blow it up. Remember, we want what we can’t have. Don’t make it so she can’t have him, just let it burn out. I’m speaking from serious first-hand experience.
Stay strong. Remember, you’re the original. You’re the prize. You are David Lee Roth and every album after 1984 is just junk.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Well she doesn't know it but I was able to confirm her PA today.
Hey man , I just wanted to say I am really sorry you had to find out on Christmas. I remember back to when my sitch was about 3 months old and it was also around Christmas time. Was by far the worst Christmas of my life. Yesterday was our first Christmas apart as a family. My ex came over to open gifts with the kids. First time I had face to face convo since my daughters birthday in September. If I had to categorize my feelings I would say annoyed. She doesn't listen to what I say and she tries to act like nothing has changed.
Anyways she left and I really don't feel anything towards her at all. Actually, I am finding myself being very grateful that all things considered, I am luck to have the ex that I have.
Remember not too long ago I told you that it would get worse before it go better. Consider yourself one step closer in that direction. I still believe that all things considered you have a really great chance at recon if you choose.
I just think you will be so far ahead of her that you will choose not to look back.
Well I am pretty heartbroken....again. It is like the rug keeps getting pulled out from underneath me. Like LH says it's going to keep getting worse. Which it is. The load on my back is heavy and the weight just keeps getting added. I am not sure how much I can take, but fortunately or unfortunately I have a strong back and I can handle more. I don't fight the pain or hold back the pain. I just sit here as patiently as I can letting the pain flow through me. I just can't wait till the pain goes away or is so minuscule that its rarely noticed.
I really wish W would just leave me alone. Unfortunately, due to timing (holidays and divorce proceedings) I have to interact with her a little more than I want to. W blew up my phone today, but I ignored it. She started texting saying I needed to call her about the divorce paperwork. So I called her up. Luckily, she was in her office so she had to stay relatively calm. Paperwork for the final decree was going to be emailed for our approval, before submittal to the judge. W had to pay filling upfront so she needs half payment. We started to have a disagreement about child scheduling portion as she said nothing was going to be included and we were doing all that off the books. I later found out she was misinformed as the mediator followed our 2-2-3 plan and put a generic holiday schedule in for us to change. Anyway, she wants as little to be handled by the court as possible. To a point I agree, however I told her we have to have a baseline to fall back on when things don't work out. That's why we have rules and laws. She gets mad and wants to know who is whispering in my ear, she thought we were going to have a successful coparents R. She starts threatening going and getting a lawyer, etc. I just counteracted with validation and letting her know that at this point neither of us could afford to go that route. She brought up a few other things she was trying to bully me on, but I de-escalated her arguements. Hell, she even implied that she didn't want to have to take the kids away from me. Lol that argument would be weak and I have been gathering information since BD to protect myself if things really got sideways. I also had the opportunity to drop my leverage on her as she doesn't want the 6 months OP introduction clause in the decree and says she is not dating or seeing anyone. I could have used the R2C we both know your lying prompt, but what's done is done and I think I just need to move forward and keep the roads paved smooth.
Like LH and a few of you vets say this is at least a year before it all plays out. I'm really starting to come to terms with the marathon. I hurt very badly, but I am going to try and pivot really hard on these emotions, and this experience to better myself with a new zeal. I am quinching the little voice in my head to improve for her or to attract her. No, I am doing this for me and me alone.
I still stand for my M and recon right now. What's going to happen down the road as I am moving forward and it appears she isn't?
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
