Dealing with a WW and trying to save myself pt. 4

[SoTorn]

She started NC after me.

[Ready2Change]

She started NC after me.

I think the good thing is you initiated to protect yourself. Who knows why she did. Doesn't really matter. Don't mind read.



As far as the house, if you move out, will there be a mortgage to cover? What if W doesn't pay? Will you be liable?

[SoTorn]

WW is anal about our good credit and ahead can more than afford it. No way she would screw our credit rating over.

I will ask for my name to be removed though.

Ya who cares what she does. I feel that my sitch will follow yours pretty closely. I dont expect my WW to wise up and repair our family.

[Ready2Change]

These things happen for a reason. Your reason is personal growth. Going through this and learning about attraction and real human behavior and all the other tools will make you a much more attractive male. You will also be much more aware of the red flags and hopefully attract a more healthy female into your life. If that female is your W with remorse, then you will have some crazy decisions to make.

[SoTorn]

I agree. I doubt it will be my WW with remorse. She doesnt do remorse. Honestly she is way to prideful to back off of what she decided. I absolutely can recognize the red flags to avoid for sure. I have grown a lot. I have learned a ton from thos situation and from all of you here. So glad I found this site

[TJT]

I dont believe my WW is strong enough to try and heal our MR. WW has never been one to own up to her mistakes. I dont see her changing that at all.

I am so glad you have this clarity, Torn. I kind of feel this way about my H but I can't truly bring myself to accept it.

Another woman told me that she has been looking for a man my age for awhile and that every si gle man she has met my age that is not married is not emotionally mature or financially stable. This woman said that I am so far ahead in maturity than most men my age because of the life I chose.

She also said most men live with their parents or with roommates and are desperately trying to hold onto their youth.

And this is why I am terrified of not having my H back...seems everything is relative and if my H was at least willing to come back to our M, however hard it may be, I feel like it'd be better than being a single woman experiencing what these women are telling you about! I've heard this type of thing more than once and no matter what people say, or how young or how pretty or how XYZ I am, I feel screwed.

[Joe2017]

SoTorn:
My XW was so full of pride that it was a sticking point in our MR. A year after BD and D, she recognized that she was an egotistical beach and admits that she had no right to be so full of herself. It took her hitting rock bottom... and like yours, my XW always had perfect credit. Now she would be lucky to get approved for a library card.

TJT:
You’re not screwed. I will say dating was a challenge for me due to some circumstances unique to my situation, but it was not impossible at all. And as you know, my XW asked me for a second chance, yet there are days I feel like I deserve more. I just know that if I didn’t give her a second chance I’d regret it. But for real, in a year there’s a good chance you will be able to look back and wonder what you were thinking when you thought you’d be better off taking him back.

[SoTorn]

SoTorn:
My XW was so full of pride that it was a sticking point in our MR. A year after BD and D, she recognized that she was an egotistical beach and admits that she had no right to be so full of herself. It took her hitting rock bottom... and like yours, my XW always had perfect credit. Now she would be lucky to get approved for a library card.

TJT:
You’re not screwed. I will say dating was a challenge for me due to some circumstances unique to my situation, but it was not impossible at all. And as you know, my XW asked me for a second chance, yet there are days I feel like I deserve more. I just know that if I didn’t give her a second chance I’d regret it. But for real, in a year there’s a good chance you will be able to look back and wonder what you were thinking when you thought you’d be better off taking him back.

Ya I wouldn't put anything past her at this point. But the only thing under both of our names is the house. I can afford to lay it if I have to.

Again I have financial goals. By the end of February I will have my credit card that I used for the investigator paid off, my car sold and zero debt for myself. That way I can easily afford a nice cheaper yet fast car lol and to either live in MH or on my own. I am going to hold myself to the original goal of March. I can get situated by then and if there is no positive from WW at all I will move out.

If I can get situated financially a little quicker I will move that date up a bit. I'm ready to live my life. I have a lot to do and a lot to offer. I feel like WW is an anchor that I am dragging through tar right now. Even letting go emotionally the attachments I have to her are holding me back from my true potential.

It really [censored] she did this right now because I was offered a chance to move to our corporate office at work to further my career. I cant do that now because I am not forfeiting my custody of the kids. WW tried to talk me into it. I told her that there was no way in hell I was going to just up and leave for 9 months when my kids custody is on the line.

So D16 told me that she spoke with WW while WW is in Vegas. WW complained to her that she was staying home on NYE because "everyone" was giving her a hard time about ditching the kids.

Funny thing is nobody said jack about whether they cared if she was gone or not.

The only thing that I said when WW asked if I was going out on NYE was that I was electing to spend it with my children because they are important.

S11 told me that he had told WW that she never does anything with them. He told WW that I am the only one that keeps them busy. WW told him "oh dads just doing this now because of blah blah" so S11 told her "no dad has been doing stuff with us since you started ignoring us and going out of town 1.5 years ago".

WW has it in her mind that I am "only now" concerned about spending time with the kids. WW has convinced herself that it was someone else taking care of our family for the last 1.5 years that she has withdrawn from us.

It's so nuts that they literally create their own story lines. For example, WW has hit me several times when arguing over the last few years. That was a new thing. But if I brought it up she literally says "that never happened" NPD full steam ahead.

I am glad that she is returning the NC.

It's so weird reading all of the sitches. There are those that detach with abundant love and are acting as BFF to the WW. Then those that go NC like me. I am being cordial because that's all I want to be. I read some people jump at invitations to go to dinner or family outings. Why would one do this when their WW is in an A? What is the point. WW isnt going to notice anything I am doing for her or me being loving if she has a boyfriend.

It's also funny that WW travels to go meet her lover but then says stuff like "people think I'm a POS" or "everyone's complaining I'm not home"


Well uh, WW, you are continuing POS behavior and you are not home. So if it makes you feel guilty or bad why the hell do you do it? Good God. I would assume the OM is digging his claws in as deep as possible. Keeps feeding her BS to help her justify what she is doing.

It's also right out of the wayward textbook that suddenly her close friends are all wayward women, free spirits or people going through D.

[SoTorn]

Journaling

Today was a good day at work. I finished my projects that needed to get done by today. I finished all of my process documentation and publication that I said I would, even with a few minor setbacks.

I start school Wednesday. I am getting my BS in Project Management online and 100% paid for by work.

I have set my self a financial plan which I will be implementing very shortly and set a date to move out of my house. The only thing that would stop me from moving out is if I can qualify for my home once I get my financial plan in place and WW moves out instead.

My legal benefits kick in tomorrow. I get free attorney services through my work so I will be retaining an L and asking that they draft up a custody agreement for 50/50 custody with a decree that when I move out my WW will have 90 days to remove me from the mortgage and pay me my part of the equity.

I have already found a condo that I would be happy to live in. The condo is a bit expensive but it is what it is. When I execute my financial plan I will be able to easily afford it.

Further goals are that once I am moved out after my financial plan has been executed I will start taking advantage of our stock purchase plan here at work. I get to set aside 15% of my income to purchase stocks. I then get a 25% discount on stocks and on top of that I get to purchase the stocks at the lowest price for the session.

I get a raise in February and I also get a bonus in February. I will be filing my taxes this year as married filing separately, so that can wait until I get my bonus because I am sure that I will owe. I think my WW wants to file married filing jointly, but thats not going to happen.

I will be doing all of this while awaiting the mostly inevitable D that my WW said she was going to file for. Even though WW told me that we need to prepare to pay the taxes on the house in April 2019. So somewhere in her whirlwind of a mind and thoughts she at least thought at one point that we will both be living in the same home in April 2019.

DB is so counter intuitive. My brain is shouting "go show WW you love her and care for her and will do anything to get her back". But I know I can't do that. So I force my brain to say "You will be fine alone, take care of yourself and your kids, stick to your plans, stick to your guns, be nice and cordial to WW but thats it".

[SoTorn]

So I'm reading a good book "unf**k yourself" I had just finished the part about "expect nothing accept everything" which states that if you have expectations and focus on the expectations and they aren't met, you will get angry and that's a waste of energy.

My WW was upstairs putting the Christmas tree away. WW has always been the type to expect people to read her mind when she wants something done.

WW boxed the tree up and carried it down the stairs. Shes making all sorts of grunting sounds like if the box weighs a million pounds. It doesnt, shes more than capable of moving a fake tree in a box.

When she gets to the bottom she says "really nice teaching your son to not lift a finger to help, I dont see any change"

I used to always ask if she needed help with things, made myself available and most of the time she would say no. I am not a mind reader and will never be.

Tonight I cooked dinner. I usually dont cook. I set it up so I'm cooking all week because I have no clue if WW will be going out of town or not. I guess that's sort of a 180, but it's for good reason.

Anyway, I just responded saying "I'm sorry that you feel upset". WW just cannot get the idea that if you want help, you ask nicely. WW wants me to just jump and help her right after she gets back from a trip with OM.

I'm sorry but I'm not going to help her with a menial task like I used to when I was her H. If she would have asked nicely, yes I would have helped, but I am no mind reader.

So back to the book, my WW had set herself with the expectation that since she was doing something that I should automatically offer help. When i didnt offer help she got upset that her expectations were not met. So she got angry for setting an expectation when she could have just asked for help.

Am I wrong not to be asking WW if she needs help constantly? That is what I used to do because I was pursuing her trying to make her happy by offering help with everything.