Dealing with a WW and trying to save myself pt. 4

[SoTorn]

Found a nice 1350sq ft condo. 1200/month so about the same as my 3k st ft home. But it would be all mine. I would need to furnish it.

[Ready2Change]

My 2 cents:

Do not move out of the house until you have a written and signed 50/50 parenting plan in place.

[SoTorn]

My 2 cents:

Do not move out of the house until you have a written and signed 50/50 parenting plan in place.

I agree. My legal benefits kick in Tuesday. So I'll get a free attorney. I will do that and get started on having a plan drafted.

[Ready2Change]

This was my boundary with my X. My Lawyer didn't like it but it worked:

H:"W, I do not want the house. I will move out of the house as soon as we have a written 50/50 parenting plan"

She had like 90 days to refi the house in her name. If she couldn't qualify, I had the option. Otherwise we were to sell house.

[SoTorn]

Did your attorney draft that up? Even without filing for D?

[Ready2Change]

The house was part of the D decree.


The parenting agreement was in stages.

[SoTorn]

R2C. I read up on your stitch the best I could.

You did a great job. I am trying to model my behaviors off of yours. Just focusing on myself and my kids. Enjoying every precious moment.

I think moving out helped you a ton. Where are you now with your ex? You are still single right? Or are you dating?

My WW definitely feels the pain she caused. I know she feels my detachment because I get those little temp checks of "you never tell me what you are up to". And I know she feels the pain of what she did when she says stuff like "I need to go visit someone that doesnt think I'm a piece of sh*t"

I honestly feel like the person she is now is a POS and OM is a POS as well lol. This is is why I'm mostly focusing on LRT.

I dont believe my WW is strong enough to try and heal our MR. WW has never been one to own up to her mistakes. I dont see her changing that at all.

Therefore I will keep detaching, GAL and my 180s because they benefit me so much more and also benefit my kids.

[Ready2Change]

The short version:
All the red flags of an A were there, but I didn't snoop. Got 50/50 parenting in place. I moved out. Worked on myself. Met a lady divorcing her serial cheater, drunk driving husband. We have been living together for about 7 years. Her D16 living with us full time. I have D16 and S18 every other week. S19 is in college. Only thing My X wants from me is money. X enables irresponsible behavior in my children. I have to deal with the emotional parenting.

While I was with X, she dropped 3 friends and never spoke to them again. Did same with me. X looks miserable still. I am no longer her source of unhappiness. The children have mentions at least 4 different men so far.

And this:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2061092

[SoTorn]

Wow. So you ended up having a WW after all.

What do you think about how my WW also does NC with me? I know shes still in the A. The difference between my NC and WWs is that I am doing it for myself. I keep distance to protect my emotions. I feel that WW just does it to try and be hateful.

My kids all know I have been looking at condos. All of them feel like I should not be the one who moves, but they know WW is stubborn and wont leave.

I took S11 with me to look at condos. He really liked the ones I found. D16 also likes them as she looked online and at some pictures i sent her.

I have a friend who lives in the same condos so if he refers me i get like half off first mo tha rent.

Update on my plan.

Before I move out I will accomplish three things.

Get a custody agreement in place, even if D has not been filed.
Pay my CC off
Sell my car and get something cheaper

I dont want to sell my car and honestly I dont really have to. But it's a huge expense that I just dont need right now. I am a car guy, which WW hates.

My WW literally cannot be supportive of any hobby if the hobby costs $$$. I mean like I could do oragami and Wzw would say it's a waste of money.

Now that I have been focusing on myself and can see MR fro. A different perspective, I cannot remember a single time WW was supportive of any extracurricular activity that I wanted to do.

WW literally thinks that me having a hobby is a waste of money. According to her I shouldn't ever want nice things. I should never want a fast car. I shouldn't want any new hunting gear because it's just me boozing my ego. Me dressing sharp is just me being vain.

I have noticed that my WW has taken the worst parts of her parents and made those her driving force.

WW is extremely judgemental and critical of anything I do. My car, my clothes, my hobbies etc. WW feels she is elite and above me because she has her masters and a high paying job. I dont have a degree yet. I will be starting school here soon.

Even without a degree I make what my WW did two years ago.

The funny thing is WW complains that I spend too much money on my hobbies when she throws money at house cleaners we dont need, fake nails, fake eyelashes, all sorts of stuff to change how she looks.

I can see now that my WW has never truly been supportive of me. I never had her behind me saying "you can do it ST!" I always hear "you wont do it, you're just like so and so who blah blah blah"

My WW compared me to family members who are lazy, have no job, have filed bankruptcy multiple times, have cheated on their spouses etc.

I have never paid a bill late in my life. I have worked steadily since I was 14. I have always provided my family with a steady income and insurance. I truly understand that even with a few stupid decisions I made in the past that I am a damn good man. I am a great father. I am successful and I dont need to prove it.


I like my hobbies and I will do what I can to keep them up because they make me happy and they dont take anything from my kids or family.

Now that I have been getting attention from different women, I realize that I am one helluva catch. One of the women I have been getting to know as friends told me that I am what every single woman in her 30s is looki g for. She said I am a breath of fresh air because I know what I want, know who I am and I am stable. Another woman told me that she has been looking for a man my age for awhile and that every si gle man she has met my age that is not married is not emotionally mature or financially stable. This woman said that I am so far ahead in maturity than most men my age because of the life I chose.

She also said most men live with their parents or with roommates and are desperately trying to hold onto their youth.

My new perspective of myself is that I am a rare type of man. I dont need anyone to take care of me. I also dont need to take care of anyone but my kids. I know that when I am ready I will find a woman that is willing to invest into a mutually beneficial relationship with me so that we can both grow together and support each others goals and desires.

It's amazing how much of a wake up call one gets when they get betrayed. I think to myself "was I really settling that much for what I had?"

Yes, I was. I was resigned to the fact that my WW was all I could get. I now know that's so untrue.

[Ready2Change]

What do you think about how my WW also does NC with me? I know shes still in the A. The difference between my NC and WWs is that I am doing it for myself. I keep distance to protect my emotions. I feel that WW just does it to try and be hateful.

Did she start NC before or after you?