That is for darn sure. Not my monkey. I will be traveling out of state on Friday and coming back Sunday. I can't wait. I got invited by a good friend that I met who went through a similar situation. Going to enjoy my time away from my WW.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
ST: Boundaries are not directly used for you to get your WW back. At all! And they are NEVER ever to be used as any type of punishment.
Boundaries and ENFORCEMENT of boundaries is for your personal safety and peace of mind. You enforce your rules and it makes you stronger. Oh, it will PISS her off! She will HATE you. You will be the worst person in the world. She will say hateful things. Call you an ass. Blah blah. You're not an ass, you are only taking control away from her and the wayward hates losing control of you!
You see, waywards want to control you. They want the benefits of having you there at their disposal. Do her bidding, slave. And be grateful she gives you the crumbs off her napkin while she sleeps with OM.
SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU.
When you are stronger with boundary enforcement and no longer a pushover, she can do nothing but respect your boundaries, which results in respecting you by proxy. That alone is not enough to bring her back, but it is a good start for getting your balls back.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Just wanted to comment about the part where I talked about getting your balls back.
All waywards have our junk in their possession. Some of it is voluntary and normal to a point during a MR. But at some point we gave them too much, they took too much, and then took us for granted. Then they took advantage of us.
So don't take it personally.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
I saw on another thread where you talked to a lot of WS to get their perspective. It seems like you told some examples of WH and their regrets, but not really mentioning any WW. Have you talked to any WW and gotten their perspective?
Yes I work with a few WWs and they all went through the same path, same script. Cheated, BD, split with spouse, a year or so later they felt very bad and tried to get back together with their ex spouse and were denied. On my team here at work, five people have been cheated on.
Out of those five, four of the wayward spouses came back and reconciled. Only one BH moved on and didnt accept the WW back. Every single wayward spouse in all the people I know, eventually tried to rekindle the relationship.
That is insane to think about and seems like the probability is extremely high?! I still can’t see my WW doing it and have no expectations that she will. I’m almost hoping in a year that she does and I can say to her that I’ve moved on. Too little too late for YOU this time!
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
In the case of the people I know, the WS either came back or came back too late.
So Joe was talking about how my boundaries will piss WW off. They sure did when I stated them. WW was getting comfy in her cake and I seem to have woken her out of that comfort zone. Yesterday WW was super quiet and meek. Today I got up to get to work and WW saw me and said with a very pitiful voice "good morning". I just said hi, packed up lunch and left.
I'm going out of town tomorrow. Looking forward to it.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Doing ok today. Still planning on my out of town trip with my friends. God some news from my mom. My grandma, who is 100 years old, is not doing very well and will most likely pass soon.
That being said, my parents are both upset with my WW, but they still love her as their DIL and have no issues inviting her to things. When my grandma passes, should I invite WW to the funeral? Or should she not be invited because she removed herself from my family and I?
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
That being said, my parents are both upset with my WW, but they still love her as their DIL and have no issues inviting her to things. When my grandma passes, should I invite WW to the funeral? Or should she not be invited because she removed herself from my family and I?
I wouldn't give the invite to her. If other members of your family invite her then there is nothing else you can do about that.
Yes she was close to grandma. I wont invite her. I'll take the kids in the next couple of days. I visited grandma tonight. Shes tough. I would say within weeks here.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
