W text me a screenshot from her FB of the kids school FB of me and S3 during a Christmas event I attended. I don't know why but it got my heart pumping and my adrenaline running. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. I don't think I should respond. Is she just fishing for pursuit?
I have to do a face to face handoff today, not looking forward to it.
Do you have kids tonight? If so enjoy them. If not, enjoy your personal time.
Today my kids got back for my 1/2 of the Xmas break. Lots of teenagers at the house. Going to hang here at the house with kids. Maybe go out from 10-12 for adult time.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
No, I dropped them off at her house. We did the usual kids and logistic convo we do on face to face handoffs. The kids wanted to drag me around the house again to show me more new stuff W bought again. Tried to make it fast as I could. W tried to get me to stay and have dinner. I said I really appreciate the offer, but I have plans and I need to be going. She tried to stall me some more with non-essential logistics and kid talk. I had her walk me out we waved goodbye and I drove off.
I was not going to stay for dinner. I am not going to be some friendzoned male orbiter to my freaking W. That is plan b BS and while I did slip up back at the first of the month and basically say I want to be a backup plan she is going to figure out that's not the case. My actions will be louder than my words.
Anyway I went to dinner with my folks and I am going to head over to my sister's NYE house party. Sounds like quite a few people will be there. Should put me out of my comfort zone. Good practice, good fun.
Last edited by Twofeet; 01/01/1902:19 AM.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Hey TF, I've been following a bit and I'm with you.
I told W the other day, I don't think we can be friends if it went there... Initially when I found the forum, the first post I read about was the guy who stayed friends when his WAS was with OM(and they eventually Recon). I thought that took courage. Then I realized WAS friend zones anyways and many LBH are too nice to stand up for themselves. It takes courage to grab the bull by the horns.
Enjoy the NYE party.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
The kids wanted to drag me around the house again to show me more new stuff W bought again. Tried to make it fast as I could.
It's hard when your kids are too small to understand. I suggest you try to stick close to the door and making your get away quickly as possible. If you are dropping them off, there's really no reason to go inside, is there?
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W tried to get me to stay and have dinner. I said I really appreciate the offer, but I have plans and I need to be going. She tried to stall me some more with non-essential logistics and kid talk. I had her walk me out we waved goodbye and I drove off.
Good job!
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Anyway I went to dinner with my folks and I am going to head over to my sister's NYE house party. Sounds like quite a few people will be there. Should put me out of my comfort zone. Good practice, good fun.
Terrific!!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I step into the entryway to exchange. Hug and kiss my kids and that's it. W does the same when dropping them off at my house.
On another note. W dropped off the kids yesterday morning because she wanted work and I have the week off, so I took advantage of extra time with my children. She wanted to sign the decree yesterday and wanted to know about the CPA. I told her he would call me and I let her know. Later I followed up with a text that I heard from him and everything looked ok. She went down and signed. Later she blew up my phone with texts and calls. She wanted to bump D8 into the next level of her rec activity and wanted to run it by me. I was busy with the kids so I hadn't had a chance to check the text, but eventually I answered one of her calls when I had time. It wasn't an emergency, but they had one slot open so she was pushing to get D8 in asap. She also wanted to sign D8 up for other activities. I asked if she was wanted my opinion. She said yes so I said let's stick to 1 activity at a time. I wanted to get D5 signed up for something as well and we don't need to further complicate our lives. She seemed receptive to what I said.
She started idle chit chat so I took the cue and said the kids and I are busy gotta run. She then stopped me from hanging up to pressure me into going down to sign the decree. I said I planned on next week when the kids are in school. I said I was not about to take the kids with me to the lawyer/mediators to sign the decree. She offered to exchange the kids Friday earlier so I could do it. I said no D8 has an appointment and we have plans (I am not about to cut time short with my kids because W wants to pressure me to sign the certificate of death on our M). I asked what is the rush the judge is going to sit on it for 2 or 3 weeks before they sign off on it anyway. Me signing few days later doesn't seem that significant. She didn't have an answer, and said she didn't want to pressure me (despite doing just that). After this I told her truthfully I did need to go.
All day she was texting me and emailing me about various child or finance related things. I responded in kind on my own time. Then late last night came what I guess was the temp check. She was asking about a recipe/bake kit/brand I use for a bread. Since it's not child/family/finance related never responded. Maybe she will get the hint or maybe I will have to tell her like LH said, we aren't not friends so unless it's the co-parent topics of children/family/finances do not contact me, I need to heal and move forward.
When that time comes I have a couple different responses in my head and I will post them here before I use one. I feel like it will be hard. It's like the LBS version of the BD.
Last edited by Twofeet; 01/03/1904:24 PM.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
One of the most important things that I learned from Corey Wayne is that when someone changes the terms of a relationship that you walk and never look back until you get the terms that are acceptable to you. If you do not you are not being true to yourself.
She wants to press you for a D, run around with OM and still exchange bread secrets with you. No fuching way!
I will have to tell her like LH said, we aren't not friends so unless it's the co-parent topics of children/family/finances do not contact me, I need to heal and move forward.
When that time comes I have a couple different responses in my head and I will post them here before I use one. I feel like it will be hard. It's like the LBS version of the BD.
Running them past us is a good choice. Even if you don't use it, someone else reading your thread may.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
