Six months girl. Six months. Do not introduce your kids to your love interest for six months.
I know, everything seems to be going swimmingly, and it is. BUT - you need to date him for six months before you can reasonably know if this is really going to work out. Please don't introduce your daughter until then. She does NOT need another loss
G - I had my twins two months before my 40th birthday. Perfect pregnancy...beautiful babies...super healthy. My D was 8 lbs 1 oz and my S was 7 lbs 3 oz. Yes... I was as big as a house. So not too late yet.
I am glad we all clarified the kid thing! Sorry if I wasn't clear. But it something that is on my mind, but for me as an individual, not for us as a couple.
Dejavu, if I didn't already have an 11 year old, I would say I definitely would absolutely have kids at this age! My exH left me when our first and only was 6 months old. I have only known life as a single, divorced mom. I have been parenting on my own her whole life. It hasn't been easy. When I didn't remarry and have kids before 35 as I wanted, I realized my daughter would be off to college when I was 45 and it would be "me" time. It comforted me a bit, as I have been doing this alone forever. I've been a mom since I was 27. Starting all over with a newborn at 40 is a little scary, honestly. And I am terrified to do this from scratch alone again. Also, unfortunately, I am a high risk pregnancy. My dear ex gave me HPV when we started dating which presented as precancerous cells on my cervix, which I had surgically removed and it badly scarred my cervix. I also did IVF, but because of my ex, not me. I don't even know if I could get pregnant. My daughter was also premature with a NICU stay. And I was a young 27!! So many scary factors. Honestly, if I could somehow guarantee a healthy pregnancy, and that my partner wouldn't leave me I would do it. I often have dreams I am pregnant but never have birth. I do not hold other people's babies, because I am too scared I'll take a whiff and want one. I am so glad you had to beautiful healthy babies. When we did IVF, we wanted B/G twins, because IVF is so stressful with the added fact, my exH has to get his nuts cut open too in order for us to have a baby. BUt I guess the higher powers knew that being left with 6 month old twins was not the best bet! So I balance the fact that my daughter is an against the odds baby and I am so lucky to even have her, to wanting to have another, but it just may not be in the cards.
As far as M distancing himself, I don't think so. It's a busy week. He has a meeting on his one free night and plans with his friends on another and his kid the other nights. It's tough for sure for us. And I want him to go to his friend's house. I get one night a week to myself which I give to him. I used to give it friends sometimes. I am torn at times myself. I work this upcoming weekend from 8-4, so we can spend sometime on Friday night, I'll probably just choose to come home and sleep on Saturday night and then invite him over for some cuddle time sunday after work. Yesterday he was sending me pictures from his nighttime snowboarding with friends and kids. We were joking around Friday morning on text. He was having a hard time sleeping at my house because the sun comes in and he got hot. So I turned the heat all the way down and put up blackout curtains. He told me he slept like a rock that night . I told him I am trying to make my bedroom a happy place for him. He said both my bedroom and me makes him very happy. I think we are cool. I worried at first when Don posted what he did. but I don't think there is a problem. He had his son for 10 days straight and there was nothing we could do about that.
We will be about 6 months when kids are introduced. Give or take a week. I just thought maybe we can open the gates to the discussion. I also know better to even mention it on the trip, especially when we are in the car together for 5 hours! I am going to do the trip first. Which I can't wait for, and neither can he. He might meet her that day when he comes to pick me up, but for a few minutes, I don't think that will do harm.
Anyways, when he told me he couldn't see me until Friday, I basically said, see you Friday!
I am trying to do everything right. I really really like this one.
I like 6 months. I have never introduced my girls to anyone but I imagine it would happen after I am secure in my relationship and both of us are working towards the same common end result. Sure nothing is guaranteed but I think really getting to know someone first would be critical and I just wouldn’t want to do it so I could spend more time with them.
How about 6 months in a group setting? Like a friends party? Or you can throw a housewarming party. The kids meet you guys, get to know you but nothing formal and they dont get anxious. Its light and social so no pressure on amyone?
I haven't decided exactly how it's going to happen, but I have had some ideas. They are pretty different in age, so at first I was thinking one kid at a time. Then I saw an even happening in February that I think we would all enjoy, so it might be a fun, no pressure way of hanging out. My D understands this, his S, not so much. So I think introductions would have to go a little differently. If we are getting technical, this even is 2 weeks shy of 6 months, but I think the setting is more important than beign exactly on target with 6 months.
That being said, we had a sort of disagreement yesterday! Well, not really a disagreement. But I was a little taken aback. Ever since D11 found out I was trying snowboarding, she wants to. I've been kind of pressing her to see if this something she truly wants to try. Her dad and I have been getting on her about having to do some sort of physical activity/sport all year around. Sitting on your butt out side of the cheerleading season isn't acceptable. I was telling M about it over text, and I had said if I do okay, I said I would take her for a lesson. He then said "Her chance to try is dependent upon your success or failure?" I explained that I am the one who would have to take her, snowboard with her outside of the lesson and if I can't do it, I can't help her. It's not a sport where I just drop her off to do it. So I would hate to get her a lesson, have her love it and not be able to do it. He then told me he understands what I am saying. probably because he can do it and bring his son, he didn't think about what would happen if he couldn't. He then was very sweet and said he thinks I'll be great and he is always more than happy to help both of us. So, I think we handled a difference in opinion well where we listed to eachother . It's really nothing in the scheme of things, but we disagreed on something at first.
he was super sweet with me yesterday. And he laughed, because when I said "goodnight" he just climbed into bed. It's a running joke, because when I say something it's like I know exactly where he is and what he's doing and he thinks I am some sort of psychic. he said last night "it is just too good to be true that we are always this in sync" I said nah, it is too good, but it's true. I think we are two people with open hearts and probably could sense each other pretty well. Or, most likely, it's pure coincidence. either way.....
I am just sitting here staring at my phone waiting for the phone call to see if I got the job.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I hope that you have heard by now if you got the job. I'm praying that you did.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey, he said he could teach you both! That means hes interested in meeting kids at somepoint in future. That could be a great way to introduce everyone.
I'm glad you clarified that you didn't really have a disagreement with M, but I'm still a little unclear on why you were taken aback by what he said. I obviously wasn't involved in the conversation so I likely missed something in translation, but based on how you laid it out in your post, it just seemed to me like he was trying to help you see a different viewpoint from your own while seeking to understand yours. That all seems like a really good thing to me. I like M for you and you seem very happy and I'm absolutely thrilled for you for that!
Good luck on the job. I know the waiting to hear is the hardest part, so I hope that torture doesn't last too long.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
