Really annoyed with her. No sign she was home over the weekend. I shouldn't care but I do. She knows it more than likely.
Dropped younger D off for Dentist appointment while I hit the gym. Some selfish twit decided to back out of a spot to go the wrong way. He backed down. Getting really fed up with general public stupid, selfish and thoughtless... Willing to go Death Race 2000 on him. Gym time didn't help either.
Didn't get her anything. No desire to atm either. Feeling very impatient with this. Yes I know it doesn't work on anything resembling my time table. Also very much willing to tell her yes, pack your stuff and go if I am so terrible. Include that bridge will be gone to the river bed. However I likely won't because I said forever and meant it. I'll admit I didn't always act like it but I do mean it.
God knows my faith in many things is weak. Is there a reason to try any more? Deep in my heart I must still believe so... no other reason I can see.
FWIW Aquaman was far better than some other DC movies. Wonder Woman also very good.
Hope all had as good a holiday as possible.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Pretty certain W passed me on my way to church last night. Didn't see her or her car there. Some friends at church who regularly attend a different location asked about her. I really didn't give an answer. Sure that will stick with them in the back of their minds. Memories are odd like that. I won't bring it up though. This is between her and God.
Phone session with my DB coach tonight. Supposed to have written an apology letter to her. ATM I feel far from apologetic or sincere about it anyway. Definitely more in the pack and get out of my life mindset right now. Which begs the question. Am I done with this or is this a phase or what? I am the only one who can answer it. Time with younger D definitely ramps this mindset up. Which is better than a pity party. Which I really dislike when I am in that mindset. Which doesn't help that particular tailspin.
Asked my minister for some spiritual guidance and any particular verses. He asked for a little time to find some. Which is better than rattling off some that may or may not help. I'm okay with that answer.
So, the family friends are in town to help with their youngest son and his family. I am going to make some of my chili and have lunch with them on Saturday. I brought some of it to the local watering hole for them to try. Was well received. Looking for some appreciation? Maybe. Ego stroking? Again, maybe. I make a very good chili and I believe I am about there for the recipe. Maybe look into adding some cactus to it...
Love being invisible... Not. Mahal, I am sorry that you felt I ignored you or took you for granted. I felt that I was not good enough for you based on how you reacted to me. Well, all you effort into improving me will be enjoyed by someone other than you, if anyone at all. What a shame because I thought you were perfect for me, flaws and all.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
What is the reason for an apology letter? I had written a letter to my wife a while back after the ILYBDLYAM speech, before I confirmed A. I honestly took it back because I was being gaslighted badly and was under the assumption that it was all my fault that she was doing what she was doing, even though in the back of my mind I knew it wasnt me.
I would like to write her another, not to try and R, but to truly see if she can understand that I realize my mistakes of the past.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Other garbage happening. Had a long discussion with my aunt about my sister. Another monster in my life. One not of my making but now one in my care. So after spending a chunk of her inheritance to get her a mobile home and fix it up we now find out she has been paying a neighbor to help her with tasks around the house. What's the problem with that you might wonder. Well these are tasks like putting stuff away from shopping for groceries, emptying the dish washer, walking her dog... All the tasks she said she would be able to do and to no surprise she can't. So now once again she has gamed the system to avoid an unpleasant but more and more likely future. So instead of moving into an assisted living facility three years ago she will likely end up in a nursing home.
Well Turbine you can't be serious and that is heartless of you.
No... no its not. I was really liking the idea of the assisted living. Our Dad even liked the place when we toured it. But the monster that is my sister had a tantrum and insisted she didn't need that. She wanted to be on her own because that kind of place is for people who can't take care of themselves. (I so want to use a truck load of 2x4s on her). Her other idea was to get a class C motor home and travel. If you can't take care of yourself in an apartment then a class C with no room to change your mind in makes even less sense.
Rant over. Thanks. I needed to get that out. I was right and making any kind of a deal about it serves no purpose. So tonight before I have my DB coaching call I believe I will hit the gym and go for a hour on the bike, hit the weights and the sauna/hot tub. I intend to make some more chili tomorrow or the day after so I need to pick up the rib eye and get it grilled for the chili. Adds a nice flavor to the chili.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
I recall a year or so ago one of the people here reported one of these being used as ammunition in their divorce case. Tread carefully. He got soaked pretty badly.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I recall a year or so ago one of the people here reported one of these being used as ammunition in their divorce case. Tread carefully. He got soaked pretty badly.
Fortunately in my state, assets are 50/50 no matter what. Doesnt matter what WW says. Custody on the other hand is different, but my WW doesnt seem to be going as far as trying to keep me from my kids. WW knows I am a good husband and that the kids would hate her for life if she tried to keep them from me.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Happy New Year to everyone! New day, new year, new and fresh start to the rest of my and our lives.
So last night was spent with friends and then family for the New Year's Eve. Had some good munchies and food. My sister in law sent me home with a few leftovers. W wasn't there. Working. That's what she told our oldest D. Got no proof otherwise. Sad thought... okay, enough of that.
My sister in law recently became a Deaconess at church. Yeah for her! What has that to do with anything you ask? Well while we were at her house we held a prayer just before midnight. For whatever reason I was asked to lead the prayer. Very nice and I didn't stammer and fumble my way through it. Side note, I find "Professional" speakers who can't speak away from their "script" and fumble their way through a conversation as disappointing. They are supposed to know what they are talking about. So yes, I hold myself to that standard too.
Visited with some family friends a few days before. I had made and brought my chili. Very well received. Their 12 year old son claimed the whole batch as his after one bowl. He ate the first one so fast he was finished before he asked... oh when he hits the teens...
The point of this? Hmmm... confidence? Yeah, let's see how that continues after I finish my homework and give it to my wife. DB coach has me writing an apology letter. No... that is an expectation. I write the letter and present it to her. She either reads it or not, responds or not, it has an effect or not. I still have to work on me. Gym with personal trainer sessions. Continue exploring and solidifying my faith. Language lessons... yeah... more effort there.
Next coaching session in a few days. Review the letter with my coach. Haven't had much contact with the wife between sessions this time. So the reinforce, validate and empathy. So I think I will ask my coach to have a little longer between sessions this time. instead of 7 - 10 days go for 14 - 20. I don't want to go to long so if any of you have thoughts about this... I would really really appreciate your sharing.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
So I went to church tonight and found when I returned home my wife had taken down the paintings. I guess I will be putting them back up.
Lawyers are trying to arrange a 4 way meeting. Guess we will see how that plays out. So messed up. I'd like to have a honest chance but also more willing to tell her pack it up and go. don't expect me to wait or this to be here either.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
Seems we started the 'toothbrush game' again. She hid it. I returned it. Didn't comment either way. I put it back in the stand because that is where it should be.
This morning windows were frosted over, so I cleared of windshields on both cars. Why? Because I wanted to. Will she know I did. Doesn't matter. I felt right doing it. If she says nothing or gets crabby.. I would do it anyway. Because that is me. She should know and remember that.
I expect it to change nothing. I have flaws that I am working on. Consideration for others isn't the biggest one so this is more like maintenance/tune up effort. Like getting the door for someone who has their hands full. Costs me nothing and might brighten their day just a tiny bit.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
