Quote #1 We were in IHS and theoretically working on a reconciliation after the initial "problem" 3 years prior. The changes she did do were leave the phone lying around and stuff like that. We "got on" better but we stopped being an affactionate couple for some time prior and during this period did not regain that. She never made any approach to be intimate in any way and when confronted said was waiting for me to make the move. Something I could not understand as I told her that she was the one who took one step back from our MR and was supposed to be working on it. She was never one to go out much and tbh it seems more an EA turned friendship as her hours away from home were generally accounted for.
Yes, I caught her out still in contact via Instagram with OM and after arriving from a business trip (where I found out) I left home to a friend's house for a month and returned only for the xmas period and to present the end of year accounts. During that she ocassionally sent texts to which I replied leisurely or at all. One Sunday morning she rang early crying saying she could not go on any longer like that and that we should work it out, she wanted me back, wanted to be a family, etc etc. The same day I arrived she wanted to discuss where we stood, what was my mind frame and attitude, if one where she could kiss me or not physical contact. I told her none until we discussed this more. These weeks she has made no further approach and things look like they were during that period where again we "got along". What she does not know is that I am finishing my work here and will leave for a time out again.
TBH I think my mistake was thinking that giving her space, accepting her apology the first time those years ago and moving on trying to make things better obviously did not work as she maintained contact at least provabkle via instagram though I would not leave it at that. I think it is obvious she did not withdraw.
Our S and her parents know about what happened last time so if this comes to light again and I walk out I imagine that all eyes will be on her as the one who threw it all away.
Quote #2 We did no MC and transparency plan was never effected as she left phone lying around and often gave it to me to update software or install apps. Her tight control on the phone did change. We are not ones to go out much and most of the times they are accounted for or proven to be true. One big mistake that I admit I did make and should have insisted was leaving the gim where OM goes to. One of her comments now proving she is changing is that during summer she left the gym (true) and this sudden change of mind frame. She also stopped talking to her closest friend apparently because her friend wanted to maintain friendship with OM and she wanted to cut ties. TBH I have a feeling something happened around the summer because there were a lot of sudden changes and normally it is because of a single event that triggers it. had it been her desire I think there would have been gradual changes before. I dont know, in my view it seems "fishy".
Quote #3 Yes, she is blaming the dark period for many of the mistakes she made including contact with OM.
Quote#4 With each incident I did enquire and she did have an answer. What I did not do is extensive fact checking just questons to see how she reacted and excuses she would give.
Quote#5 I fully agree. IHS makes it difficult to implement so many things. That is why now I left and planning on leaving. I gave her 3 years now I need my own time.
Quote#6 If she maintained contact or sent like to his instagram then obviously she was not working on our MR.
Quote#7 Understood.
Quote#8 When we had problem #1 I moved out of the MBR. After coming onto the site and reading I had to haul my ass back in I did. It was battle that eventually played itself out and she accepted it. She never left so we were always sharing since then. No open mouth kisses and tbh have not had any for a very long time. Her family is not the hugging and kissing type and she is not really the most affectionate or touchy partner you can have. Which is also part of the problem. I see friends with their wives or people I meet in social events due to work and see their interaction with GF or wives and miss that type of relationship and have a feeling now matter how we patch things up. Our R will never be like those. She supposedly realized she wanted to change things around the summer. This she told me when I called her out.
Sorry about hijacking... maximus, i wanted to say hi. I used to post on here as Julieh and i recognize your name and situation. I remember you even gave advice on waywards that were only children. Back in 2015 you seemed to be piecing. I remember physical intimacy was a problem back then. We had talked about her being really into the gym and needing more verbal love language stuff. Lots of hurt feelings on both sides. Anyway. Im sorry your still here roller coastering. Do u have a thread?
