Ready to Change, yes that is what my H would have done before he was abducted
That is what I thought, but It is best not to make assumptions and ask. So many woman want this from H and never get it.
Yes he genuinely seems to care and I do appreciate that. I just don’t feel is ready to hear what I would say. So I basically keep it to myself. He tries to dig it out of me but I just hold it back. I
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I just feel like I’m floating or just existing. I have so much on my plate right now that I just get up and float through the day.
How is the GAL and goal setting?
My goal setting has been going well. I feel real good about the goals I’ve set for myself. Making little strides everyday regarding that. As for the GAL, I haven’t had the time to do that much. I’m working 2 jobs right now so when I have a free moment, I’m exhausted. However, I do curl up in my bed with a good book when I can. I’m hoping as I adjust to my new schedule I’ll get back to my GAL list. I’ll have some time next weekend so I’ll be sure to GAL and reward myself for working my butt off for the past 2 months.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/24/1901:26 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
My H has a guys trip planned for the end of February and I’m not looking forward to who he’ll be when he comes back. I hope that makes sense. When he went away for the summer for his work trip he came back with the “oh I’m not happy” bomb drop. While he was away for 6 weeks this summer, I would tell him how much I missed him. When he got home, I told him I missed him.
My question is while he’s away this time, I should I act? I know that may be a stupid and obvious question. But I really don’t want him to think I was sitting back miserable while he was away. Even though I dread what person will show up when he returns, I don’t want that to be obvious. I know I can’t control him and the only person I have control over is myself. I just want to make sure I play this just right. I want to know how I should behave when he gets back. Any help or suggestions are appreciated.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Right now he has fired you as his W so you can't treat him as him being your H. You should treat him as you are taking in a border. You ask him how his trip was but your not overly interested in it.
While he is gone try to make sure you are out every night so you don't have to fake it.
What kind of trip is he taking? Golf? Guys gone wild?
Last edited by Cadet; 01/26/1902:50 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Right now he has fired you as his W so you can't treat him as him being your H. You should treat him as you are taking in a border. You ask him how his trip was but your not overly interested in it.
While he is gone try to make sure you are out every night so you don't have to fake it.
What kind of trip is he taking? Golf? Guys gone wild?
Great advice and great tips.
The trip will consist of some golfing, some hunting (rolling my eyes), and I’m pretty sure some guys gone wild. I’m sure he will act like a teenager who has just got a bit of freedom. As a matter of fact I expect that. I’m sure he will drink like a fish, bar hop, and probably flirt with any young pop tart that shows him any interest. Again, he’s going to be acting like a raging hormonal teenager or frat boy.
So when he comes back, I’ll do just as you suggested. I’ll ask how his trip went and then keep it moving. While he’s away, maybe I shouldn’t be available each time he calls and checks in. Because I’m positive he will do that. He’ll call at least one time per day and maybe sprinkle in a few text messages. He’ll probably send a couple of pictures of the sites he’s taking in, just like he did when he was on his glorious vacation...cough...I mean work trip to Hawaii. So I’ll be sure to keep my schedule busy during this trip.
And last night after I posted this, I got to thinking. You know what Living, why not plan your own get away? And make sure it’s when he’s home with all the responsibilities. Plan a trip, go away and enjoy yourself. And send him pictures of the good time you’re having while he slaves away at home. Yea, I think that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to give him a taste of his own medicine.
Last edited by Living; 01/26/1904:12 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
And last night after I posted this, I got to thinking. You know what Living, why not plan your own get away? And make sure it’s when he’s home with all the responsibilities. Plan a trip, go away and enjoy yourself. And send him pictures of the good time you’re having while he slaves away at home. Yea, I think that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to give him a taste of his own medicine.
You should absolutely take your trip. But I'd say do the opposite. Don't show him how much fun you're having. Just have your fun. I don't think playing games ever works out well. If you start texting him to make him jealous it's because you want a response out of him, and then it's not about you. You can only control you, so leave H home alone to do whatever he wishes.
If your long-term goal is a happy and healthy R with your husband, don't play games. Just do you and be a happy and healthy Living. If H wants to be with that person and you want to be with H - that's awesome. And if he only comes to you out of jealousy...you don't want that guy. That guy is kinda gross and insecure.
And last night after I posted this, I got to thinking. You know what Living, why not plan your own get away? And make sure it’s when he’s home with all the responsibilities. Plan a trip, go away and enjoy yourself. And send him pictures of the good time you’re having while he slaves away at home. Yea, I think that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to give him a taste of his own medicine.
You should absolutely take your trip. But I'd say do the opposite. Don't show him how much fun you're having. Just have your fun. I don't think playing games ever works out well. If you start texting him to make him jealous it's because you want a response out of him, and then it's not about you. You can only control you, so leave H home alone to do whatever he wishes.
If your long-term goal is a happy and healthy R with your husband, don't play games. Just do you and be a happy and healthy Living. If H wants to be with that person and you want to be with H - that's awesome. And if he only comes to you out of jealousy...you don't want that guy. That guy is kinda gross and insecure.
Yail, you’re absolutely correct. Thanks for correcting me on that. I think the human nature of us wants revenge. Lol! I’m definitely going to plan my trip. I am badly in need of a vacation. I think I’m going to go to a tropical spa resort. And I’ll be sure to just unwind, relax, and just enjoy myself. I truly need that with all that has happened!
Last edited by Living; 01/26/1904:26 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
You're right, part of us does want to hit back when we're hit. Self-protection. But part of what makes us human is our ability for forward/future thought. We can override our fight or flight responses if take a moment to consider them.
I do not believe humans are "higher" than animals in a value sense, but I do think this is the way in which we differ from most animals. When most animals are bit they bite back. Humans can consider multiple outcomes, and choose the one with the best chance of a positive outcome.
I'm jealous of your spa idea...I hope you get to go soon and that you have a WONDERFUL time. Keep us up to date in your planning and all the fun you have! Some of us would give almost anything for a bit of sun this time of year
You're right, part of us does want to hit back when we're hit. Self-protection. But part of what makes us human is our ability for forward/future thought. We can override our fight or flight responses if take a moment to consider them.
I do not believe humans are "higher" than animals in a value sense, but I do think this is the way in which we differ from most animals. When most animals are bit they bite back. Humans can consider multiple outcomes, and choose the one with the best chance of a positive outcome.
I'm jealous of your spa idea...I hope you get to go soon and that you have a WONDERFUL time. Keep us up to date in your planning and all the fun you have! Some of us would give almost anything for a bit of sun this time of year
I’ll be sure to keep you all posted. This isn’t a trip I can take at the moment. It’s going to take a bit of planning money wise. So it’s probably will be a few months away, lol! Thank you so much again for the advice!
Last edited by Living; 01/26/1904:42 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
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Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
