Letting Go. Detaching. Done Engaging.

[Ginger1]

This may seem pretty miniscule, when she said she was really craving an apple, you gave her one. She didn't even ask for one. She was seeing if you still jump on doing things to make her happy.

I am glad your daughter is OK.

As far as her talking about OM. You should not have the conversation later in text. YOu should walk away as she is having it saying "this is not a conversation I want to have, I am going to excuse myself.

Actions!
Stay strong!

[Maika]

OM conversations should not be tolerated period. That's a hard line boundary you gotta enforce. I would've cut her off in mid sentence and said that this is not an conversation you're interested in. It's mad disrespectful towards you and stop eating the $hit sandwich.

[sandi2]

Poor baby, 14 stitches to her head! Well, it's after occasions such as this that your W will blow up your phone, IG, etc. And, you may experience feelings of an obligation to respond. It may be a test to your efforts in detaching, b/c your W will use D4 to get you to pay attention to her (the W).

Do you have quick access to something (list of goals, a recitation, quotes from the board, etc.) that helps you regroup whenever some occasion opens the flood gates for the constant onslaught of messages from your W? Perhaps it would help your resolve to detach if you had something that gives you a feeling of courage and motivation.

Committed to writing a book and coaching men on happiness, going to start a men’s divorce group. And work on changing the narrative of the fact that men have needs and we need to work on ourselves to meet our own needs. Not look outside of ourselves.

Yes, this is the "something" I was referring to in the previous paragraph! I think ^^^^ this is wonderful, Did. This is a "purpose" you envision, and your "passion" to carry through with these goals can give you the drive to change your own narrative. Having this purpose places you out there in front of the people who will read your book; in front of the men you coach; and in front of the group you lead. Wow! I love it!

[Did]

W FaceTimes usually twice a day on average when she has D4. I didn’t answer just now because I was busy. Is me wanting to call back or answering most of the time she FaceTimes NGS?

I want to act as I would If divorced. NC go dark etc. but if we were divorced I would probably call back to talk to my daughter.

Basically accepting divorce at this point. Not pursuing not chasing letting go. Dropping the rope. Enjoying my picnic. There is nothing else I can do unless she chooses to pursue me and work to build a new healthy relationship with me.

Thanks all. It’s sad but I see it ending in the near future. There is no relationship at this point.

[Did]

I know she will think I’m out on a date or something. But I talked to D4 once or twice earlier. And will be picking her up from school tomorrow afternoon plus have been drinking so I have no need to FaceTime. I guess I could call to say goodnight. I don’t know... guess it doesn’t matter

[ovrrnbw]

Did,

you don't have to facetime constantly. I've done that once in my life. I may be "old-school" on that regard, but damn, how did people survive before cellphones? When your W has your daughter, she has her. My parents divorced and I lived with my dad. I didn't call mom every night and everyone survived.

Maybe some other people will help me out here, this is kinda one of those areas I'm not sure about. I obviously don't have kids, but I'm not going to be a "modern parent" when I do have kids.

[Ginger1]

I agree with ovrrnbw. I believe the time with the parent they are with should be focused on where they are and the environment they are in. My D11 has her own phone now and facetimes me and her dad when she wants, texts us when she wants, but if she doesn't want, she doesn't. And when she was younger, her time with her dad is her time with her dad and her time with me was her time with me, unless she asked otherwise. And she usually didn't because she was present where she was, which was healthy for her. Twice a day facetiming is unnecessary. and I don't think it's beneficial, and sometimes, probably more hurtful.

Unless it was a week on and a week off, I would say otherwise, but you have less time in between your hand-off's, so it's not necessary.

My D has gone as far to be honest saying "when I am having fun and busy with which ever parent I am with, I don't really think about the other one too much" I was thankful for that, because I knew she isn't just sitting there missing the one she wasn't with.

[Did]

Thanks Ovr, I had never facetimed until 6 months ago. It is nice to see D4, still hard for me not to have her in my life on a daily basis. I didnt call back last night. They facetimed again this morning and I called back when I was ready. I met a very pretty woman yesterday after being out watching football. She has two kids and her divorce is just being finalized. Smart, driven. She is aware of my sitch... may see her again not sure. Either way will keep it friends. Kind of feel like Im just accepting its over with W. Hurts my heart but it is what it is.

Every relationship has two sides and we are all 50% responsible. I was more than 50% accountable for the marriage falling apart. But she has never taken any accountability, and she made some decisions that made our lives very difficult. I just dont know if we would be happy together unless there was such radical change. The sexual stuff with sharing while that may be hot I would never share my wife. I would lose respect and the marriage would just be based around sex rather than trust companionship and love. Im just not seeing us building something together at least not anytime soon.

Going to write my 4 paragraphs per day morning goal, part of a new morning routine including affirmations, visualization / stretching and a positive podcast... .focus on me. Later going to D4 school - at ymca to workout, then have to go to W to get dog. I asked her schedule she said shes working out then napping. Im not going to allow any dramatics. If she asks to talk Ill keep it short and she better have some fing clothes on. Doubtful we talk at all, I wont pursue it at least.

[neffer]

As sandi says, keep your goals where you can see them Did.

Stay strong man, keep DB

[Did]

Ginger I agree on the FT too much. I dont ask to FT when I dont have D4. W says D4 wants to talk but I have been shown she is not the honest woman I used to know anymore. Easily could be just trying to keep tabs on me and using it as a cover. Not sure if I should say something or just not FT as much. Because if W says do you want to talk to dad then they call and I dont answer d4 will be affected.

Overall Im not sure how big of a deal it is and I am not always available. Sigh... whatever man. Thanks