Thanks Joe. I'm starting to get to the point though where the sex is leaving me feeling used. Weird for a guy to say right? When I decline I can tell she gets frustrated. Should I continue having relations with her or keep it in my pants?
H36 W37 SD14 SS16 M 2 YEARS BD 12/25/2018 Still living together, sleeping together, etc
Just b/c she's not the person you thought she was doesn't mean it's time to be rude, you're better than that. Keep your chin up and don't stoop to poor behavior for any reason.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I feel so damn stupid. I got sucked into R talk and ended up crying pleading. I'm so disgusted with myself.
That's OK, we all did it early on. The lesson to take from it is never start an R talk, and if she starts one then don't say anything, just listen and validate.
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At the end of conversation she said she wants to go on a date with me this weekend, but I know it's not authentic.
No it's just so she can check it off her list of "things I tried to save the M but proved it was already over." As Joe said, go in with zero expectations. NO R TALKS. Just make small talk.
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I could easily go pick up other women if I wanted to but its against my moral compass as a married man.
Seems really weird you would even say something like this.
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When I decline I can tell she gets frustrated. Should I continue having relations with her or keep it in my pants?
I would keep doing it, but try and drop your expectations that it means recon is imminent.
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Also, can I get some advice on text etiquette. If shes texting me daily wishing me a good day how do I respond to that?
DB'ing says not to initiate texting or convos, but it's fine to reply if she initiates. Just try not to get into long exchanges. Keep it brief like ovrrnbw suggested.
I will never understand why DB says to keep having sex. I have never ever seen this work or be beneficial. Only leaving people feeling like cr@p
Michele doesn't specifically say to keep having it, she says it's up to the LBS. She says if you think you can do it without it affecting you negatively to keep doing it. If I remember right, her thinking is that it is a way to maintain some level of intimacy in the marriage even in the face of all of the negative stuff going on. You do have a point though, it's tough to do without getting your feelings all mixed up in it.
Yeah it is. This stuff is so difficult. Wife sent me provocative pics this morning and then proceeds to tell me later in the day that I'm smothering her. Last straw, I'm done being needy making advances. That women are cats theory is so true. Yet it's so hard to resist temptation to want to say my piece. Any advice on coping skills I can use to have no expectations?
H36 W37 SD14 SS16 M 2 YEARS BD 12/25/2018 Still living together, sleeping together, etc
It's like all I yearn for is recon. At times she acts as though its possible and then I pursue too hard which lands me back at square one erasing all progress. . Finding that perfect balance is challenging but I'm going to stop pursuing as difficult as it may be.
Last edited by ScottG31; 01/10/1907:10 PM.
H36 W37 SD14 SS16 M 2 YEARS BD 12/25/2018 Still living together, sleeping together, etc
