Wife in MLC, I think

[LB55]

LB,

you are handling it extremely well. Just one caution, the POS Jody whos face you might want to rearrange, please refrain from doing so. Granted he is pa POS and a dirtbag, but he is only a symptom, and not the disease. I am telling you this because you are bound to hit the angry phase at some point in the not too distant future (we all do/did go through that phase), and it would be a shame if you got in trouble with the law and also with the military.

Stay strong buddy, you are getting solid advice here.

V.

Yeah I am not wasting my time with all that. Doesn't do anything, doesn't prove anything, and doesn't get me anything but trouble. My state is a no fault state so it doesn't matter in the legal end either. Focusing on myself as that is all I can control.

[LB55]

Discuss this with your L. Given that your W wants to play hardball, perhaps you should not be giving her ANY concessions right now. I would only do what you are legally obligated to do, which right now might be nothing. Assuming this is legal I would cut ALL support immediately and let her come crying to you about it. Use it to negotiate better visitation with your kids. But again, consult your L. You don't want to do anything that paints you in a bad light in the court's eyes, so your L may have other advice.


Great stuff! You're really doing an excellent job of preparing. How are you feeling?

I have an email out to my L to discuss her thoughts on this. I don't want to feed her victim card, but I don't want to appear to be a spiteful jerk to the court either. Some careful ground to tread.

I am doing ok right now I think. It helps to not be near them, because I have time to deal with all of this and I spend less time thinking about the situation and asking the 'Why?' questions. I have my moments of frustration and anger, they are fleeting at best. I miss my life, but I don't miss my W, if that makes sense. I am currently trying to figure out if I was actually happy in my M, or just comfortable and adapted to my M. I am not sure right now, although I lean most days towards comfortable.

[LB55]

Had a really good phone call with the kids last night! Still on speaker phone with W overseeing, but they were a lot happier and willing to talk, and didn't pause to seek approval to answer or talk nearly as much. They even spoke of looking forward to upcoming visits from me, and I told them that I am working to make that a more regular thing and that I am also working to ensure we have fun visits in the future. I slept well last night knowing they are looking forward to spending time with me. Rationally I knew this, but it helps to get that reinforcement.

Hanging in there, going to the gym each day, working on my statement for the L to make my case. Got a very strong letter from a well known member of our community that is very involved with the youth in our community and that also knows our family well. It will show me to be directly the opposite of her claims. Its amazing how many people are coming out of the woodwork when I just tell them what is going on, without much expectation of anything but an ear to listen. Trying to keep my circle small but effective.

Looking forward to handing the court a nice packet of proof and truth. It will go quite swimmingly against her packet of re-written history and baseless slander.

[Ready2Change]

I learned recently that book references are against DB policies. I hope you have found material to read that helps you combat the bad mouthing that your children's mother is/will engage in. I been there, done that.


Anything you need from us, just ask.



I wish you well during this.

[LB55]

Venting a bit here.

W is now suggesting via her L that I move into our rental home, since the tenants just informed us that they will be vacating at the end of the month. It is a decent home and would work for my needs, with one exception. It is 112 miles each way to work and 109 to the marital home. About 3 hours each way with traffic. She claims it is a reasonable commuting distance. I don't think so in any way.

I would get up at 3am to make it to work on time, and get home at 7pm and fall into bed. That is not in any way productive or healthy. Not to mention GAL is dead on that kind of schedule. The 1100 miles a week and $1000/month commuting bill just to work are pretty untenable as well. W says that the mortgage payment is less than any place I could find to rent, which is true, until you account for fuel. I could get a really nice place near my work for the mortgage cost plus that fuel bill.

I believe this is yet another attempt to appear 'nice and amicable' and 'trying to do the best thing for my spouse' by her. Her real intent here is to isolate me further from the kids. Living that kind of distance makes me unavailable on any workday, and with baseball starting soon I would have to drive that distance on Saturday and Sunday too in order to see my kids play. They couldn't stay over at my place because its too far away with school and baseball. Why even have a house if i am living in my truck on the highway? When I don't show up for a game, then it backs W's argument that I don't care about spending time with my kids..."see here is my proof!"

Funny how for someone that is so controlling(me), she is trying to tell me where to live, when I can see the kids, who I can see the kids with, which household items I can have, etc. She says I will have a tough time finding a place to live on my own. I hate renting because it is throw away money, wish I could just buy another house but that's a bad idea right now I think. A good question for the L.

She doesn't have a job...maybe she should move into the rental home.

[LB55]

Man tonight is one of those nights...I am getting myself wrapped around the axle about all this court stuff and kids and custody. It just feels like I am guilty and trying to prove my innocence while the guillotine is being raised.

It's just so frustrating on every front. She wants the kids and will lie to anyone to prevent me from seeing them. She wants enough money that she doesn't have to do anything differently. She wastes tons of money on her L, and mine by association asking stupid questions about hiring a plumber to unclog a drain. She believes that because she asked for me to pay all her legal fees that she won't be responsible in any way for all of the costs. Such a fairy tale life she is living right now.

Her L isn't too good at this game in my opinion. He sends emails that have stuff from her that just blew my mind. She says in her email to him that me spending time with the kids isn't an option because 'what if they have to go to the bathroom?' Are you kidding me? They are 8 and 11, they can pee without assistance from a parent.

Sorry just having one of those frustrating and anxious evenings where things are all doom and gloom. I know I am doing it and just need to get out of this tunnel before I don't sleep all night worrying about things I don't control. I am scared of the courts and this process.

[Vapo]

I hear you buddy. Vent away, you are not alone...

[Ready2Change]

H:"W, that does not work for me. Either you move into the rental or we sell it."

[LB55]

Well here we go...have begun the move back to my home state. Arriving on Sunday.

Got my declarations to the lawyer to start reviewing in prep for my hearing on the 1st. That is a big step to have that in initial draft finally.

W has booked herself a ski vacation using joint money. She knows I pay attention to finances and will notice it. She is likely expecting me to lash out in anger; this seems like another baiting attempt to see if I will lose my cool. I am in the process of separating accounts in accordance with my L's guidance.

Also had my 2x/week phonecall last night. I have 30 minutes twice a week. They had just sat down to dinner so the kids were busy eating for 25 minutes of the call. Another attempt to isolate and anger me. Keeping cool and venting here and with my L. So frustrating that she is playing these childish tactics. So many parallels to teenage years...spending with no regard for responsibility, not caring what anyone but the new BFF thinks, living a carefree life, etc. The shock is coming...I just have to ensure my butt is covered legally before I make wholesale financial change. I have to protect myself, my credit, and my kids' financial futures right now. I have frozen my credit with all 3 agencies to ensure she can't open any accounts in my name going forward. She knows all the right info to do such.

Two more weeks to the hearing. Trying to keep a positive outlook on things and 'act as if' per the DR book. Finished reading it last night, now to start over and read for comprehension, take notes, and do the exercises. I have books about not being a nice guy and breaking from co-dependency on their way to read as well.

[Vapo]

Nice going m8. Obviously your military discipline is showing and helping you out. I am impressed.

Well done!

V.