I just re-read the last few posts. Thanks everyone for the support. Well, XW and I had a huge fight. Well not really a fight, because I didn't engage. She just got really angry.
I went to a friend's party. XW did not go because my friends think she's a terrible person now. My ex GF had been invited, which is no big deal to me. I actually really like her as a person and we did not have a bad breakup, but we are 100% broken up. I returned some of her stuff. It was just in my truck for whenever I had the chance to drop it off at her place or whatever.
Anyhow, I told XW that exGF was there for transparency's sake. Then the stream of texts came in, and I tried to make her feel comfortable with the situation. Anyhow, I put my phone on silent mode. When I got back around to checking it, there was a huge long thread of her being mad at me and being distrustful, accusing me of cheating, and insulting exGF. By then it was clear to me that I should not respond. She called and i ignored that too because I didn't want to say the wrong thing.
She took me off her SM and said she blocked my number. Then, she unblocked it.
Nothing happened between me and exGF. I didn't do anything inappropriate, but I understand how this made XW feel. XW and i have texted some today, but she is obviously still mad at me.
I'm upset about it, but I'm also OK if she decides that she doesn't want to do this with me anymore. I'd be sad, but not destroyed.
I am going to IC today, thankfully.
I realize I was in a bad situation at my friend's, but I am not going to just leave a party if my exGF shows up. Maybe I should, but I also feel like XW should trust me.
Oh well.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
As I stated in an earlier post, something doesn't sit right with me about your ex. I think you really need to look long and hard before deciding you want to jump back in another relationship with her.
She has some serious issues she needs to deal with.
J I agree with L......at this point your Xw should be rolling out the red carpet for you and earning her way back. Not getting upset with you over something trivial. It makes me feel like she is looking for a reason to make you be the bad guy so she can say she tried but he did this and that. Be very careful if my Xw ever came to me wanting back she would not get a date night with me or be intimate with me or reinsert herself into my life until I was 1000% convinced she did the work. I could see that process taking a year or more. Good luck.
She should trust you. People who have cheated often project their weakness onto other people. I don’t think it was just about the XGF being there even though. The fact that she couldn’t go to the party because your friend thinks she is a terrible person is probably bothering her quite a bit as well. Another reminder of how her actions have damaged relationships and that there is a part of your life she is still not welcome to share. I’’m sure that combined with XGF, who is welcome in that part of your life, being there likely brought out her feelings of shame and then revealed insecure and jealous feelings that all of us have had to contend with from time to time. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to work through it internally without reacting and texting a bunch of things I’m sure she likely regrets after sleeping on it. I don’t know your XW so I don’t know if this is the “norm” for her. I would not want to be with someone who is regularly insecure and needing my reassurance all of the time. Like LH says, she has some issues to deal with.
I think she's upset over this trivial thing b/c she is expecting you to hurt her back. She did it, so you will do it.
I imagine she is acting irrationally b/c she is very emotional at the moment. Consider the situation of finally owning up to everything, maybe starting back up with the person you love, and they go to a party. Them going to a party without you is scary enough, given that they have every reason to want to hurt you - but then, your exgf is there too.
Your exW hasn't been DB'ing hard for a year, she was probably running from everything for a long time. She has a journey to go on too.
Patience, patience, patience.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
So to give perspective on XWs feelings, earlier this week she told me that she was uneasy with how "flirty" I can be with women. Now, I have not consciously gone and flirted with women in front of her to make her jealous or anything like that. I think I'm just way more confident and attractive now, which could have the effect of women paying me attention. The horror! Whatever. So there is that piece of the puzzle. She is having a trust issue with me, and I ignored her while she knew I was around my exGF.
I actually think that's kind of a reasonable concern, but I think she took it too far.
At the time that she brought it up the flirting, I dismissed it. In hindsight, I could have done much better to validate her feelings.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
I agree with DV in this. XW is currently a bit of an emotional mess, but that doesn't mean she always will be. She has a lot to work through, and I do think there is some projecting going on of her own insecurities.
Also, what ovrrnbw said - she has been running, but now she has a journey to go on to find herself again. She may be able to do that while with you, and may not. But your approach and how you handled everything was great.
You're being very conscious of how you can make this smoother without compromising your strength. You are giving a little, because you are coming from a place where you have the strength to give. But you aren't giving so much that you're losing yourself.
Sorry to hear about the bump, but you're doing awesome and shouldn't have any regrets as to how you have been proceeding.
I think she's upset over this trivial thing b/c she is expecting you to hurt her back. She did it, so you will do it.
I imagine she is acting irrationally b/c she is very emotional at the moment. Consider the situation of finally owning up to everything, maybe starting back up with the person you love, and they go to a party. Them going to a party without you is scary enough, given that they have every reason to want to hurt you - but then, your exgf is there too.
Your exW hasn't been DB'ing hard for a year, she was probably running from everything for a long time. She has a journey to go on too.
Patience, patience, patience.
Yes! You are right. She is afraid I will hurt her out of revenge. Like I will cheat to pay her back all the pain she caused. She said that she is afraid I will carry around a "get out of jail free" card now.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Anyhow, I told XW that exGF was there for transparency's sake. Then the stream of texts came in, and I tried to make her feel comfortable with the situation. Anyhow, I put my phone on silent mode. When I got back around to checking it, there was a huge long thread of her being mad at me and being distrustful, accusing me of cheating, and insulting exGF. By then it was clear to me that I should not respond. She called and i ignored that too because I didn't want to say the wrong thing.
OK well a few things jump out at me, one is that you and your XW are DIVORCED and not even really dating, right? You've just been kind of kicking around the idea of reconciling? So where in hell's half acre does she think she has ANY right to comment on where you are or who you are with or why?
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She took me off her SM and said she blocked my number.
Very, very childish reaction.
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but I understand how this made XW feel. XW and i have texted some today, but she is obviously still mad at me.
About what???? You didn't do anything!
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I'm upset about it, but I'm also OK if she decides that she doesn't want to do this with me anymore.
Honestly I think you should be telling her YOU don't want to do this anymore. You were kind enough to tell her where you were going and who would be there even though it's none of her business, and you got nothing but anger and venom in response. Are those really the actions of someone you want to be in a relationship with?
