Yes, I think the talk went very well. I see suggestions that recommend going a different direction from my initial plan. As of now, I don't see a reason to stray from that plan. W processes things much slower than I do.
I will reiterate. This was not totally about getting my W in the sack. It was about putting my foot down. Expressing my feelings and not having any expectations. Setting a boundary.
No, this R talk could never have happened like this 6 months ago.
When you have a poor communicator you have to read things into both their words and actions. What did she mean she said, "could not go back"? Who knows? Believe me, I asked and only got this sad look and a repeat. I told her that if she thought that resuming our sex life would make all things go back to where they were, I said that I didn't see that as the case. I had to be very careful not to rationalize her feelings. That never works. Not long term anyway.
One thing that I will add is she said, while trying to, as she said, not be mean, was that she didn't get anything from it except an orgasm. My response was that in that case, we would need to work on that. One more thing I blame on poor communication.
I imagine that if this is to progress, we will have sex before any moving back into the MBR. Right now the "arm's length" intimacy that we share is in our TV/movie time together. W really seems to value this time together. Things are trepidacious. Proceeding with caution. W says she was done when she had the EA. (she just forgot to tell me). A lot has changed since. We continue to work on joint projects. Right now it is D16's problem teacher. W is a taskmaster and working together goes a long way for her.
Remember, we've had MC. Three different ones. It didn't go well. I am open to it but W knows that we have made more progress without.
I'll expand on these responses after more thought.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
RR, agreed that no one hear knows your sitch and your W better than you do. I can understand completely since my W exhibits many of the same attributes as you.
WARNING, TMI below:
My W doesn't orgasm during intercourse. In fact it takes mechanical apparatus for her to achieve orgasm. When we were younger she was open to including that in our sex life. After this latest BD, when I've raised the prospect she was completely closed off to the idea. Last time I brought it up she was a little more open to it, it wasn't a hard and fast no, more of a we'll see. I think as she gets more comfortable with our intimacy, and things continue to improve and we grow closer, she will once again be open to it.
My point? Things can change. But more slowly for some than others. Maybe she never will, but just because she says she gets "nothing out of it except an orgasm" doesn't mean she'll always feel that way. Also, eventually she might realize that that is a pretty cool thing to get out of it!
Last edited by Cadet; 01/14/1908:41 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Lol, Steve, she got 2 or 3 everytime. I only take a little credit because I learned her combination. Some girls are just easier than others.
You'd think that'd be enough reason, right? Funny thing is that I think my W has to get "outside herself" to do it. She has always been like this and I've read that it is not unusual. So to be present and emotionally involved in the sex acts against the goal of climax. Yea, crazy stuff. Perhaps this is the reason she doesn't get more out of it?
I think Sandi hit the nail on the head. No revelation to me. She simply doesn't desire me right now. I get it. I also now believe that all the touch charges and waiting in the world would never have gotten us there. I believe that what I did may just be what get us closer. Time will tell and I have to start a new thread.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
