It was my error and I should have corrected it yesterday. I'm so sorry about that. I apologize.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Been working this weekend and I took a mental health day from work on Friday and ran errands and cleaned like I never cleaned before. Not exactly a fun day off, and it's sad I need to call out of work to get this stuff done, but I felt better when I did. I cooked a really nice dinner for M and baked cookies for us. Showed off my domestic side a little. I was cooking when he came in, by the stove and after sayingg hi to the dog, he came and wrapped his arms around me and said it's been to long and he missed me. So sweet. We had a nice dinner and just sat in my kitchen all night talking until we went to bed. I swear we both have the words "I love you" on the tops of our tongues, but none of us pull the trigger. I want to have a "talk" but when we haven't seen eachother for a while, we don't bring that stuff in. He had his friend come over last night, I went to bed at 8pm (worked a 9 hour day) and we are going to do something tonight. Maybe, maybe, we can talk a little about us. I don't want to give him pressure, and I haven't given an ounce of it at all. I just would like to bring up the kid thing and plan for it, even if it isn't happening or another month or so.
ANyways, I am hoping to get an official off Monday. It is getting increasingly bad. People are getting sneakier, they brought in a whole bunch of train wreck patients that aren't appropriate and expect us to come up with an acceptable discharge plan, and it is too much. I have no clue where my position is going and what's happening to that place. I just want to start my new job ASAP. Often they work 8-9 hour work days, but I don't care. I am close to home anyways. Theya re actually doing a study right now showing we need more positions because we are working insane exempt hours. I like that the new place is proactive in trying to help us.
D11 had more friend drama Friday night. I am not equipped for this!!! She comes to me and talk and I am find it a tough balance between giving advice and having her handle it on her own. I remember what I used to go thorugh and I want to tell her exactly what to do because I don't want to see her hurt. But I stop myself, because she needs to learn how to problem solve. ANd she did well and all was solved before she went to her dads.
ANd this dog. I need a vacation from this dog. He is such a terror. ANd not with things that are trainable. He just gets into everything. Everything. He managed to knock my lush deodorant bar off my dresser yesterday and eat it, and ate the wax pat which he threw up in the middle of the night. Could have killed him. It's like having an infant with feet. He's always getting into something. When M was over the other night I heard something and I shot us, he was trying to pill the table cloth off the table with stuff on it. He pretty much has to be crated all the time.unless hes being watched. He really needs to calm the F down. I can't go on like this much longer. I spend my life getting him out of trouble.The weekend away is a weekend away from the dog and I am looking forward to it. ex came in the house when he was picking up D11 on Friday and he was petting the dog and I said "take him this weekend, warm him up to your house!!!" he didn't I also need a dog sitter or walker so I can have a little more freedom.
Oh, and my whole 30 challenge starts tomorrow. Hopefully I can drop a few. I think I am putting on a few having what I can't have for the next 30 days, lol!
Enough about my boring like. Happy Sunday everyone, I am off to work yet again!
I got this guy who thinks I am gorgeous and perfect as I am and thinks women's beauty and body standards are ridiculous. He would rather have a super nice meal with me and down some beers rather than have me diet and be all thin. He is CLEARLY attracted to me, yet I am struggling so hard with my weight. I can't look in the mirror and my fat jeans are almost snug. I know I have gone on about this, but I have never ever had such a hard time doing something about it.
On my abdominal CT from my kidney infection there was an incidental adrenal adenoma found. I haven't been eating the best, but I have stayed active and I shouldn't have gained this much and I never ever been this heavy without pregnancy. Maybe I am looking for an excuse. Adrenal ademonas are usually benign inactive tumors, but can activate. I guess it wouldn't hurt to get it checked out. I feel so defeated. I want to lose this weight and feel better again, but I also don't want to kill myself on a fad diet, and unless I do, I do not lose weight. I have to go super strict with myself.
getting older blows. I want to feel and look good again. Everything else in my life seems to be coming to order, but this has me thrown for a loop. I can usually fix it, but I am having an unbelievable hard time right now.
I know I have b!tched about this before, but I never felt so stuck about it
Two things: 1) Check a.m. cortisol between 8-9 am with acth. I've yet to pick up an active case of Cushing's but it is possible. Luckily most adrenal adenomas are not active - it's a common incidental finding.
2) Check a FULL thyroid panel with TSH, free T3, free T4, TPO antibodies and thyroglobulin antibodies - occult hypothyroidism is a really common cause of recalcitrant weight gain.
Also - remember all the calories in alcohol are basically sugar. And REALITY CHECK by checking your BMI on a chart. You may have a skewed view of your weight. If your BMI is well within normal range and you're still upset, you may have body dysmorphia.
You're suffering from withdrawal due to an acute cessation of drama in your life. You can't believe your current life can be real, so you're creating your own little drama to manifest that very result that will bring your beliefs back into alignment (i.e. screw things up). Take a chill. You can live without drama; you don't have to fear that something bad is just around the corner.
One thing that I did was to use an app called MyFitnessPal - it's meal logging. It can also barcode scan packaged foods and has a very extensive library of nutritional info.
When I did that when I was married, I discovered that I was eating about 3000 calories a day - way way way too much and also that my consumption of potassium was too low - so I started eating potatoes with the skins on.
After bomb-day when I couldn't eat, I also used it to try to make sure that what I did get down was at least healthy. I was between 1200 and 1400 calories then.
It is a fact that you actually lose a lot of weight through your lungs. Your body metabolizes fat in to ketones including acetone (nail polish remover). So maybe if you could figure out something that would involve a lot of heavy breathing ????
But if you do some meal logging you could at least find out where your calories are coming from and make choices about that.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
When I decided it was time to lose weight, I cut out sodas, alcohol, sugar in coffee/tea, sweets of any kind, white bread, pasta, potatoes and only ate red meat once a week. I do not add salt to anything. I also started cooking fresh vegetables.The rest of the time was made up of salads, homemade soups that I made, baked or broiled chicken and fish. I started walking more and drinking lots of water. It took me a while, but I lost 45 pounds and my goal is to lose another 10 this year.
Stress/depression will also help pack on the pounds.
Write down everything you eat each and every day. Calorie counting will give you a good idea as to what you need to either reduce or cut out.
Do not discouraged...if you make your mind up to lose the weight...you will. I have faith in you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
JOb, that is some great work, congrats! I know it isn't easy, but an amazing accomplishment!
Half my battle is I don't eat bread except for the occasional bagel, I don't eat pasta unless I am out at a nice Italian restaurant, and I generally eat healthy. My weakness if for sure sweets and my beer and wine. I have to pretty much be super strict and perfect to drop a pound, and sometimes I don't know how much I want to do that.
So I am compromising. I'm doing the whole 30 thing. NO alcohol unless I am out with the girls or it's date night. NO sweets, (hardest part for me) and all the other restrictive rules. My weekend away however is a free for all, but I will be on the mountain so its all good.
Andrew, I do use MFP and I have thought of the Keto diet, because I have been successful with low carb, but it has to be a lifestyle else you put the weight back on in a minute. ANd it is still a big medical debate if that is a healthy lifestyle to be maintaining. I am not a big portion eater. which is good, I guess. Just got to cut out those sweets. I am one of those people who gain weight by looking at food. Never had a good metabolism, even when I was young. It only gets worse! My goal is to feel healthy again. I don't feel healthy. Maybe this elimination diet will help with that.
In other news of My woes. Let's talk about 11 year old girls. I finally had it with her this morning and I pulled over the car and it scared her. She is becoming too cool for her own good, not speaking with respect anymore, arguing everything and she thinks she knows everything there is to know. I had it today and she heard it from me. I dropped her off at before care and they said she was being the same way with them and I got really mad. I dropped her off with her crying today. But it is too much and she needs to check herself. I texted her dad and asked if he was having the same problems, and yes, he is. This weekend he gave her quite a few lectures. 9 and 10 years old was probably the best. gaining maturity, wanting to help, becoming more respectful. Now with this facetiming friends all the time, those brats she watches on you tube and thinking she is some cool middle schooler, she is becoming sassier than ever.
1) she lost her phone. I can't take it away, but youtube is being shutdown and she is not to make or receive calls unless it's me.
2) chores will be set and done. Homework and studying will be done
3) the hardest one of them all, and I am not good at this, but it has to be done...... The waterpark with her friend isn't happening until she straightens out. I told her she could have a sleep over with this friend on Saturday because it's supposed to snow, but I told her friend could still come over. Not anymore. And I am going to make her call her friend with me present and tell her exactly why. It will be a miserable weekend for me to be snowed in with a kid who has no phone privilages, but it is what it is.
This is the stuff I still struggle with on my own. Enforcing it on my own is hard. having no present support or back up is hard. But I hear it's only going to get worse, so I better buck up. M and I may both be single parents, but I am the single mom to a preteen girl who has her most of the time, and he is a single dad to a preschool aged boy who has his time mostly on every other weekend, then some weeknights for a few hours. He would trade places with me in a heartbeat to have his son as I have my daughter, but they are two different beasts and two different battles. he is very understanding, but I would be a complete liar to say I am not scared that he won't want to deal with a sassy pre teen girl. Don't get me wrong, my daughter is a great kid. she is displaying typical behaviors, but she is a little tougher in she is more "adult" than others kids and pretty darned bold sometimes. But can he handle this? Or, better yet, will he want to? Those things scare me. Me, I welcome a little boy with open arms. I've been through the stage already, even if not with a little boy. M is so sweet, patient and open minded, but I am scared. FF used to criticize my parenting. A 27 year old with no kids. And it actually made me doubt myself. By situation is not the normal. I don't have a mom and dad in the home and the child switches back and forth, and it is a whole other set of challenges while parenting to have that. I am nervous, I won't lie. But if I have the best bet of anyone excepting the life me and my daughter have with open arms, it's him.
Long winded. I am on edge. This place of work is downright scary now and with the messages I left for the HR recreuiter yesterday and my hiring manager, I still haven't heard back. It's nerve wracking. I need a start date and official acceptance of offer. Being in the dark doesn't do me good.
