Agree with R2C's advice. I also agree with ovrrnbw that you need to open a new account and transfer the money, or remove her name from the joint account. Also wanted to add:
Originally Posted by Jtayl71
I have plenty of cash to cover any of these expenses over the next six months or so, so my question is should I seek out this money now and contact her about it
Yes, absolutely do it now. Get everything resolved up front. If you wait until later her response will be "oh well you never said anything so I assumed you didn't need any help from me."
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I want to keep not contacting her but not sure if that would be perceived as weak...
Follow R2C's template of keeping it strictly business-like. That is not what we mean about appearing weak, we're talking about temp checking and asking her out and trying to engage her in petty conversation. When it comes to finances and kids (no kids in your case, but I'm speaking in general DB'ing terms since others read this too) then by all means contact her. But keep it strictly to business. And do it in writing so you have records of the convo. Hopefully you won't need it but better safe than sorry.
Well I sent her a text with an itemized list of expenses and wow what the response I got. She will lose access to our joint account come Monday after all of this.
Me: Hey here is a list of expenses I believe that have been charged since splitting accounts. I didn't see the 419 on any of my credit card payments so I think it's yours.
419.74 credit card payment 800.00 mortgage 140.38 car insurance
WAW: When I split the bank accounts I put $750 less in mine because of the mortgage. Also when we split the bank accounts my December check was in there so you got half of my December check so that means I get half of both of your checks. That means ~$680 of your last 2 checks. If you add everything up, you technically owe me money. I can print all the transfers out and send it to you if you'd like. I'm not asking for anything more, there will no longer be my credit card payments to your account. I was just evening it out.
Me: Let me know what I owe you, I don't want to owe you anything.
WAW: I'm good. You owe me nothing. I'm unsure if you saw my email but there was a $73 charge on my credit card from iTunes on for a yearly fee for an app on your phone. You will see that payment come through on your account probably tomorrow. That's what it's for.
Me: Okay thanks.
WAW: Oh, 1 last thing. I should have gotten $114 for the december per diem. I'm going to transfer half to my account tomorrow.
Me: Okay
Her true charachter is starting to show, and I am blown away. After all these years this is what it has come too cause I "groped her boobs in my sleep ten times" what a bullcrap excuse. I'm so better off without her if she is going to be like this. But damn it breaks my heart that it has come to this
So I just got a text from her and I am struggling with a response since I have not had a chance to meet with a lawyer yet.
WW: So I'm looking at signing a lease for an apartment this week. I just wanted to check with you before I sign to make sure that you aren't looking at an apartment and are staying in the house.
I want to make sure that she is still on the hook for her half of the mortgage, and I do not want to be liable for anything that goes on in that apartment say if she doesnt pay her electric bill or such as I believe those are the laws here in Louisiana. I have not looked at moving anywhere as I had hoped for reconciliation, but this is starting to look more and more unlikely. Thanks for any input. My planned response is to say " I have not looked at any apartments and am staying in the house, if you want to sign a lease that is fine, but you are still accountable for half of the mortgage and I do not want to be liable for any charges incurred with your stay there."
Tell her "You are still responsible for your half of the house payment" and leave it at that. LBS's get too wordy.
I'd also remind her that you need her to get everything out and not come back, just as you can't come and go from her apartment. Trust me, you don't want to have the possibility of her showing up at any time of the day or night hanging over your head.
You may still be liable, since y'all are married. Probably need to talk to a lawyer on that end.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Tell her "You are still responsible for your half of the house payment" and leave it at that. LBS's get too wordy.
I'd also remind her that you need her to get everything out and not come back, just as you can't come and go from her apartment. Trust me, you don't want to have the possibility of her showing up at any time of the day or night hanging over your head.
You may still be liable, since y'all are married. Probably need to talk to a lawyer on that end.
I responded telling her only that in which she responded saying well then we need to put up the house for sale. I said I didn't want to have this conversation over text message, so now she is coming over after work this evening. This ought to be interesting. And I just found out that in Louisiana you must first file for divorce then you must live separated for six months before it is final, we were under the impression that it was the opposite. So we for a minimum, will still be legally married for six months.
I want to make sure that she is still on the hook for her half of the mortgage, and I do not want to be liable for anything that goes on in that apartment say if she doesnt pay her electric bill or such as I believe those are the laws here in Louisiana.
Well, unless the laws in Louisiana are unusual, she is not on the hook for half the mortgage if she doesn't live there. If both of your names are on the mortgage then the bank doesn't care who pays what as long as the payment arrives on time. They don't consider it as person A owing 50% and person B owing 50%. If she leaves and refuses to give you any money, then your only recourse is to hire a L and pursue spousal support. It's really tough for a man to get it, usually it's got to be a situation where he was a SAHD and the woman was the provider and left him, and he's not in a position to get a job to support himself. The way the courts look at this, if one party stays in the house then they owe the spouse half of the equity. The equity is determined by a 3rd party who inspects the house and weighs comparables in the neighborhood and prepares a report. That report becomes part of the divorce decree. If neither party can afford to stay in the house then it gets sold and the proceeds split equally.
Regarding her apartment, if her name is on the bills for her new place then you should be in the clear on that. Don't co-sign! Now if you have a joint credit card and she starts running it up, well that's another matter. Unfortunately the only sure way to protect yourself financially is a divorce.
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I have not looked at moving anywhere as I had hoped for reconciliation, but this is starting to look more and more unlikely.
It is highly unlikely in the short term. You've been separated (in-house?) since August so around 5 months. It is very unusual to see a true WAS situation turn around in less than a year and really the odds don't improve much until 18+ months. Often if you can remove all pressure then they'll put D on the back burner. But sometimes financial reasons drive it and there's not much you can do to stop it.
Tell her "You are still responsible for your half of the house payment" and leave it at that. LBS's get too wordy.
I'd also remind her that you need her to get everything out and not come back, just as you can't come and go from her apartment. Trust me, you don't want to have the possibility of her showing up at any time of the day or night hanging over your head.
You may still be liable, since y'all are married. Probably need to talk to a lawyer on that end.
I responded telling her only that in which she responded saying well then we need to put up the house for sale. I said I didn't want to have this conversation over text message, so now she is coming over after work this evening. This ought to be interesting. And I just found out that in Louisiana you must first file for divorce then you must live separated for six months before it is final, we were under the impression that it was the opposite. So we for a minimum, will still be legally married for six months.
Are you planning on staying in the house? Can you refi it into your name only? If so, prepare to do that.
If not, sell it.
Not too much else to it. I'd have just continue the texting as to not see her or waste my time listening to her garbage if I was you, but how'd it go?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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