My WW stopped sex on BD when she moved upstairs. That's when she felt "bad" for having sex with two men at the same time and felt she was cheating on OM by having sex with me.
This is so true! And LBSs it is important to understand this point. By BD your MR is over. Your WAS has moved on in their mind, and anything they do with you is, in their head, cheating on the OP. Sickening. Gut wrenching. Terrible. But true.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Wow wow wow, yes Steve. Question for you, a quote like that and the truth behind it are things that I have consciously told myself I will not relive while my sitch is in limbo because like you said it is sickening and very troubling to ponder.
From your experience during R, were these thoughts discussed with your W?
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
lost8, no. The thing about R that I have learned is that sometimes the problems we are concentrating on (EAs, PAs, walkaway) are not THE problems. And we you fix the real problems (lack of connection, being a bad spouse, etc) the symptoms that we thought were problems go away.
I have considered sharing this forum with her but I think it is too early in my R. Eventually I think I will get to the point where I tell her about this site, but for now I try not to relive it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Honestly I don't think you should ever share, way too much emotion I feel and could be painful for a WW to see what has been inflicted on someone she cares about.
I know it is talked about the point when a WS becomes transparent and answers requests of the LBS I guess before true R can take place. I never experienced this after A #1 10 years ago and know we must get there this time before moving forward.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Well, like I said before you kind of painted yourself into a corner with that. I think the convo could have been a lot shorter than that, but it sounds like it went well enough. I hope others will read your posts and take a lesson from it that D should not be initiated by the LBS unless you are absolutely, positively sure you are doing it for the right reasons and not just out of anger or to "wake her up" or teach her a lesson.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
This isn't about you, probably has never been about you.
You have been given a gift of some incredible advice. Slow down, be still, and really understand what has been said to you.
Stop snooping Stop asking questions that you don't want the answers to Set some personal goals that don't include a marriage Get out of the house Stop blaming her for your actions Stop holding her accountable for your emotional well being Find out who you are, what you want, what this all means to you.... Realize that you are never gonna talk your way out of something that you acted your way into...
Relax, this is a marathon, not a sprint.
You get to decide way more than you might think.
Spend this time getting ready for those decisions...
So that the possible worst thing that has happened to you, doesn't define you...
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Posting here is great when you are going through the battle. You learn to detach, and how to stand on your own again, how to block out the noise, and to not believe what you hear, and about half of what you see.
It teaches you to really take a look at yourself, and respect your space, choices, and life on your own.
we are anonymous, so all I have to go by, are your words, and patterns of words.
What you type, is what I know about you.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I will give you the best example of being detached i have read below.
Today I will commit myself to detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will not force solutions on problems, thereby creating new problems. I will participate in everything with detached involvement.
Today I will factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of my experience. In my willingness to accept uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously emerge out of the problem, out of the confusion, disorder, and chaos. The more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure I will feel, because uncertainty is my path to freedom. Through the wisdom of uncertainty, I will find my security.
I will step into the field of all possibilities and anticipate the excitement that can occur when I remain open to infinity of choices. When I step into the field of all possibilities, I will experience all the fun, adventure, magic, and mystery of life.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
