Ovr, I don't really see this as a change from her at all. She has been willing/eager to talk to me throughout the process. It has really been I who has pulled back and refused to engage on that level with her (because I know it is not healthy for me.) We don't have a lot of non-logistical communication, but she has pretty consistently asked about me, how I am doing, or let me know that she was there to talk if I wanted to. And I have gotten heart-rending notes, or emails from her on a monthly basis. However, since our last R talk in early August I have simply ignored that part of the correspondence.
Neffer, Thanks for the encouragement, hermano. (What do you mean "you are nowhere near she is?") I think what is hard is that I am seeing the finish line in sight. I simply have no desire to have this hanging over me for another school year, and I need to make decisions about where I am going to work and live. In my mind, come April (if not sooner), I will be getting divorced and stepping away from all this. With that in mind, I do feel an urge to let her have one last conversation before that plays out. Perhaps that is misguided. Perhaps it is unhealthy. Even at this point, it is hard to step away from the mindset that I owe her a final talk (even though my rational side clearly understand that that is not true.) Of course there are also the embers of love buried in there as well. For as rational and centered and self-aware as I am, it is hard to extinguish all of them in such a short time span and they flare up from time to time.
No worries about my GAL. I am still taking care of myself, making plans with friends, exercising, dating, spending time with my pup, and generally enjoying life! I should have a fifth date this weekend with my timid, separated, lady friend, and I am hopeful about maybe trying to climb for the first time in a while, and I have a dinner with friends on Sunday as well. It should be a fun weekend.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
I feel you on how these convos can leave a bad taste in your mouth. She's having a need to explain herself to you so that she can get rid of her negative emotions - again, that's just burdening you with it and you don't deserve that.
I don't have a wicked response for how not to come across as cold in these convos. I think as much sincere validation you can give is the best - and feeling detached really helps making it come across as authentic. I'd say something like this:
"I know this difficult, but at this point with so much time passed, I really don't have any desire to discuss our past. Good luck on your journey."
I think softening the language can help. You get the message across but not be as cold. But again, you can try all the best you can, and they'd still interpret it as a cold. So, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Do the best you can to convey your thoughts in a manner that is calm and direct. I think that's good enough.
Please start a new thread and link the two threads together. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
