Whirlwind of Hurt 7

[LH19]

I didn't get one of those weight off my chest relief feelings like I have read on here. I failed to DB my MR and just kind of feel bummed and down. I feel like a failure even though I probably shouldn't. I called and let my folks know it was done and my Mom kept saying well TF from here on out its only going to get better.

Hey man I am sorry. I can understand why you feel like a failure I was there at one point. I know you don't realize it now but the fact that this all happened so fast is a blessing in disguise. You are going to find out so many things about yourself that you never realized. You are still so young that you have your entire life ahead of you. Trust me when I tell you that you will learn to like being home by yourself. Plus your kids are young and will be in sports that you will attend on you off days so you will see them more then you think.

I started running when I was healing in my sitch. I would listen to "Feeling Stronger" by Chicago and it would totally speak to me. Then when I was done running I would walk down the street to my house and listen to "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran. I would think about us walking the kids in their strollers down that same street and it would make me cry.
This morning I went for a run and listened to the same songs as I had last year. I had tears again but they were for a different reason. I have found my new Ordinary World and I am so proud of how far I have come that I shed tears of joy.

You are 13 years younger then me and will have the world by the b@lls when your ready. It will take some time but you will get there. I can usually tell which newbies are going to survive and thrive and which ones won't.

Lastly, my gut tells me she'll be back. Don't wait for her though because that will just prolong it. I still predict that when it happens you will say "thanks but no thanks".

One day at a time my friend.

[Wanted1]

TF,

I'll be in the same boat as you once mine is final from the Catholic faith aspect. I still have another 6 or so weeks to go before an order can even be signed (60 day statutory waiting period). Are you going to proceed with the annulment process right away? I think I'm going to once the decree is signed, sealed and delivered.

[Bo562]

TF,

I’m so sorry.

(((Hugs)))

[Twofeet]

TF,

I'll be in the same boat as you once mine is final from the Catholic faith aspect. I still have another 6 or so weeks to go before an order can even be signed (60 day statutory waiting period). Are you going to proceed with the annulment process right away? I think I'm going to once the decree is signed, sealed and delivered.

Wanted1,

It was recommend that once the D is final to proceed with annulment because everything is still fresh in your mind. I haven't decided what I am going to do. I have talked to a couple of people who have been granted and a few who have been denied annulment. I need to talk to a priest next. The problem that I am seeing is that its not looking good. We were so traditional, straight laced and by the book while we dated and up to the sacrament of marriage that it may not be granted. What I think some Catholics don't realize is that if its declined you are supposed to remain celibate until the death of your spouse (or if your spouse comes back), otherwise you cannot not receive communion and you are committing mortal sin (adultery). Its a big nasty pill to swallow and I don't know what to think about it right now. I have read that it has caused quite a few people (seems like LBS types) to walk away from the church.
I am not even ready to think about an R right now so I have time to process it. Mostly I just need to focus on bettering my life for myself and my kids.

[Ready2Change]

Lastly, my gut tells me she'll be back. Don't wait for her though because that will just prolong it. I still predict that when it happens you will say "thanks but no thanks".

It will be a total mind F....I predict it will happen as well. Most likely you will have another significant other.

....I feel like a failure even though I probably shouldn't....

DBing is not a sprint. It is a marathon. Set her free. Forgive her. Forgive yourself. Focus on being the best dad and keep focused on your personal growth. You have kids together. There will be many interactions. Your W will be watching you.
Read, and reread the attraction thread started by Coach.

[Twofeet]

LH19,

Duran Duran has always been a favorite of mine after seeing their music videos as a kids when MTV would play string of 80s videos.

As far as waiting around goes.... I have some goals and aspirations I want to achieve in life that are easier to accomplish with a partner. So in order for me to achieve these things solo I am going to really have to step it up and bust my tail. What I am saying is I wont have time to wait around for her.

[Wanted1]

TF,

I'll be in the same boat as you once mine is final from the Catholic faith aspect. I still have another 6 or so weeks to go before an order can even be signed (60 day statutory waiting period). Are you going to proceed with the annulment process right away? I think I'm going to once the decree is signed, sealed and delivered.

Wanted1,

It was recommend that once the D is final to proceed with annulment because everything is still fresh in your mind. I haven't decided what I am going to do. I have talked to a couple of people who have been granted and a few who have been denied annulment. I need to talk to a priest next. The problem that I am seeing is that its not looking good. We were so traditional, straight laced and by the book while we dated and up to the sacrament of marriage that it may not be granted. What I think some Catholics don't realize is that if its declined you are supposed to remain celibate until the death of your spouse (or if your spouse comes back), otherwise you cannot not receive communion and you are committing mortal sin (adultery). Its a big nasty pill to swallow and I don't know what to think about it right now. I have read that it has caused quite a few people (seems like LBS types) to walk away from the church.
I am not even ready to think about an R right now so I have time to process it. Mostly I just need to focus on bettering my life for myself and my kids.

I haven't researched it much other than the process. It gives me a some peace knowing that you found it was recommended to proceed right away since those are my feelings on it. Thanks for sharing that. I don't think I'll have any trouble getting mine granted if you've been following my sitch!

[Twofeet]

Just a question I think I already know the answer to. Now is the time of year when I typically start seeing new jobs in my industry and related industries. Today I have been approached for a REALLY good position with a company back in the state I moved from. My children are my anchor, and I could never imagine leaving them. Has anyone successfully negotiated a move with the Ex? Everything is so darn fresh I don't even know if I should even approach her on the topic.

[LH19]

TF,

You can approach her but I am pretty sure you are not going to like the outcome.

[Twofeet]

Yeah, I figured as much. It's disappointing because this position would flip things on its head and I would have to start paying her child support. If she wasn't involved with a paramour it might be a different story.