But there is something not right about human relationships and interactions being so complicated. Loving and accepting someone should be much simpler than that, like friendships. People are becoming a little too picky.
Have you read Men are from Mars, Women from Venus? I think he's writing a second book where he explains that they actually are. It ties into the Ancient Astronaut Theory. Men and women actually come from two different planets and are not really suitable companions.
R between men and W probably have always been this complicated. It seems like society has gotten into a disposable mindset and a me first selfishness. I know there are other factors as well. Why is what wasn't common now the most common?
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
R between men and W probably have always been this complicated. It seems like society has gotten into a disposable mindset and a me first selfishness. I know there are other factors as well. Why is what wasn't common now the most common?
Good point. The complications started as soon as Eve turned to Adam and said, "Here, eat this......"
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
R between men and W probably have always been this complicated. It seems like society has gotten into a disposable mindset and a me first selfishness. I know there are other factors as well. Why is what wasn't common now the most common?
I second that
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
The problem is that it isn't. I was much like you, dare I say, naive?
Yes, I think that's my problem.
Originally Posted by Steve85
However, naive is how you get run over in life.
I guess
Originally Posted by Steve85
So do all of the reading, Understand that humans relationships are complex, and human love relationships are overly so. Knowledge and wisdom are the best tools in dealing with all of that. So use it to your advantage.
This is what I'll do. I was just venting my frustration and disappointment in Human Being (including myself).
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
I read about half of the NMMNG so far. It's a good read. I'm taking my time because I need to process the information.
Overall, I am not feeling too well these days. I am falling into mild depression again. I have a hard time getting out of bed, I have zero motivation about work. There are only a couple of things that I continue to enjoy (playing on the piano and watching certain sport games on TV).
I know I took it easy too much on my GAL for the past few months. But I don't feel I have strength for it... I know I need to push myself a little more. Especially, going to the gym or being more active physically...
I realize that I still have a lot of work to do on myself. This NGS stuff combined with a lot of the other readings are making me question everything I know about relationships, core values, behavior, etc. It's very tough!
And it's confusing... I don't know anymore what love, kindness and generosity mean. How about selfishness?! It's all blurry for me right now.
I'm also finding out that I never dealt with my anger toward what my WW/WAW did. Since BD, I tried too hard to be kind and forgiving and I took all the blame on myself. I validated her feelings and ignored my own feelings.
I almost feel like I need to let her know that how angry and hurt I am because I never did.
I almost need to re-reread Sandi's rules again and restart detaching and letting her go from the start once more.
And I'm again stuck between wanting to let go and feeling nostalgic about our M.
Lastly, I am noticing more and more people talking about the importance of marriage and the negative effects of D.
It almost feels fatalistic, as if we get these signs from God telling us what we need to hear.
Or maybe not? Maybe we just notice what confirms our state of mind.
For e.g., after BD and the A, I felt like everyone was unfaithful and selfish. All the songs, movies, articles... seemed to point to that.
One thing is sure though: The community on this forum has been amazing! I couldn't have asked for better support than what we get here. Thank you all for your kindness and your continuous support...
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
kiro, I was there man, I know how you feel. It is tough. It is the toughest thing you will ever go through. Here is the thing, this is all too much for one person so close to it to sort through. Please get yourself a good IC and make sure you are seeing them at least weekly. (If you already are, sorry I am forgetting.) Part of self-discovery is learning when you need help. No one is above needing help. My C was a Godsend.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am not, and I have been thinking about it for some time. I only went to a few (4 or 5 times) free counselling sessions provided by my employer a year ago. It was great to put me on the right path back then, but wasn't enough to deal with all the other complications and it was also before my depression (my depression started about a year after BD and has been on and off for the past 6 months).
I know I need to find a good IC. I totally agree with you that it's too much to handle alone. Every time I think it's over, I only find out a few weeks later that I was wrong...
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
I am falling into mild depression again. I have a hard time getting out of bed, I have zero motivation about work.
That doesn't sound mild! Are you on A/D's? If not then consider talking to your doc, depression is nothing to be trifled with!
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I realize that I still have a lot of work to do on myself. This NGS stuff combined with a lot of the other readings are making me question everything I know about relationships, core values, behavior, etc. It's very tough!
Yes it is tough! It's a learning experience but it can also be confusing, and challenging to process. I think one of the biggest things I struggled with was understanding that nothing was as it seemed. Before BD whenever I faced struggles in life I kind of fell back on my M as my rock. Not so much my W, but just my M, that was my foundation on which I knew I could always rely. Little did I know! So yeah, your W is on a journey but you are on one as well. It's a rough, rocky road and you are barefoot. But the farther you do down that road the tougher, smarter and wiser you get.
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I almost feel like I need to let her know that how angry and hurt I am because I never did.
Well first, you may not have said it but she knows. Second, venting it at her might make you feel good at that moment in time, but it's not a long-term solution to your pain. Third, venting it to her will just create more resentment. So vent here or to your friends (not mutual friends) and leave her out of it.
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I almost need to re-reread Sandi's rules again and restart detaching and letting her go from the start once more.
I used to read them 3 or 4 times a day. I'm a slow learner
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And I'm again stuck between wanting to let go and feeling nostalgic about our M.
Lastly, I am noticing more and more people talking about the importance of marriage and the negative effects of D.
It almost feels fatalistic, as if we get these signs from God telling us what we need to hear.
Or maybe not? Maybe we just notice what confirms our state of mind.
Definitely the latter. If I plant a number in your head you will start seeing it everywhere every day and will assign some cosmic significance to it. There's a lot of noise all around us every day and we filter it out, until we assign one particular thing importance, and then we seemingly see that one thing everywhere. But it was there before we started noticing it and will be there after.
