Building my best self and life with or without W

[Loves77]

You picking up daughter is helping. Everyone is right about their opinions on your response. A simple "I'll try to get there as quickly as possible, prolly around 3". I feel like such an $ss for saying this, but this is why we have all told you to set up schedules and such. Not bc things like this don't happen, but you are a grown man who doesn't even know how to respond to a woman you have been separated from for almost 20 months.

When my first husband and I split, we immediately started the visitations. We did not interact daily. In fact, we converse more now than we did back then about the girls. The fact that you to interact is very confusing. It's almost like you guys are still together just living in separate houses. And the Feb time frame is around the corner.

Please put a schedule together for the daughter. It will be easier if you start this now.

[SteveLW]

The fact that you to interact is very confusing. It's almost like you guys are still together just living in separate houses. And the Feb time frame is around the corner.

Loves this is great. I believe it is because of the voluntary support Did is providing. There is no need for her to do the hard work of filing for D to get spousal and child support as long as Did is offering it up each month voluntarily. This is why the suggestion is to never agree to support until order to by a court.

I believe that if he stopped the support, she would either agree to work on reconciliation or file for D. I feel that Did is too afraid of the latter so he continues to offer it up. She has threatened him with "If you stop support then I will lose all respect for you." She knows how to manipulate our poor, dear friend Did.

I also believe that either Did will have to file himself, or stop support. Otherwise he will go on in limbo with her being fat (resources wise) and happy as long as the money keeps flowing.

[ovrrnbw]

I'll add to Steve and Loves in this way: Did, you've never really stopped responding to her for more than a few days. If you would have, things may have improved. She still thinks you're there no matter what, but she needs to feel your abscence fully, for longer than she wants to, if she is ever to decide if that's something she wants to try to regain.

[Did]

Picked up D4 today.

W says - Hope she sleeps better. It’s crazy how much a little quiet and rest can do.

Just ignore her?



Your responses didn’t load. I’ll stop the support in February


And I’ll ignore her.

[neffer]

It´s not about ignoring her Did...it´s about detaching, far more complicated...

Get your own schedule about D4. Then go dark/dim. How´s GAL going?

[DavidUK]

Keep the evidence that W can't cope with your child and that the child is more settled with you because you could use that in a court case to have the child resident with you.

[Did]

The 2x4 four person combo attack did the trick. Short and to the point or no response at all. She needs to know she has lost me. I haven’t replied to her text from yesterday and today will just text. Please pick up D4 by 10am tomorrow.

My schedule is constantly changing. I’m a realtor which requires showing houses based on tenants availability. And stuff pops up as property management requires. I’m a lacrosse coach and program director tournament, practice, training schedules and what in coaching vary weekly and seasonally. I have a start up business for recruiting high school players which also has appointments as customers come in via online marketing. Also meetings for business I try to schedule during D4 school as much as I can. Currently I have bunched practices and trainings to tues-thurs but then tournaments and events are weekends. In the spring I coach HS lacrosse which is every day and game schedule varies. My schedule is very difficult no where near a 9-5. But it also allows me to have 50/50. The only way to have a set schedule is to use day care or a babysitter all the time. At this point it’s week to week.

GAL is going pretty well. I’m writing this book which is therapeutic and a passion project. I know it may not seem like it on here as I obviously still struggle with how to treat w but I’m going to treat her like an ex. She doesn’t treat me that way as you see with texts and sht. But Ive accepted divorce I’m not scared of it even if it’s sad. I deserve better and detaching I’m much more detached that I was a month ago. It’s easier not to respond and I barely give her attention when we’re briefly around each other with D4.

I’ve learned an immense amount about myself. I’m committed to coaching men down the road. I was depressed and emotionally unavailable. Now all I want is human connection and a healthy relationship.

This weekend I’m going to a pro lacrosse game with a group of kids I coach and some friends. Coaching sat all day and sun am. 1/24 I go to Vegas for a tournament. I go to the gym 3-4x per week. I’m working with a business / life coach on a weekly call. I’m building my future and I’m proud of the man I am today. I’m aware of some of my issues from childhood and working on them. I get lunch with friends 1-2x per week.

I continue doing Ic with a counselor I really like. She has called W my drug of choice. Mentions that if her words and actions don’t line up there can be no trust and no relationship.

Appreciate the blunt advice on how to treat W.

[ovrrnbw]

Did,

you're pretty busy, and with your schedule you will always have some communication going on with your daughter. Just remember to not be cold or rude to your W. You just aren't there for her anymore. When you do interact, be pleasant and smile a little, just don't over engage.

You will make a great partner for someone, so keep working to improve yourself for whoever that may be. It could be your W, and it could be someone else. Learn from your mistakes and learn from all of ours too. That's my big takeaway - how are you going to be better for having gone through all of this? Where are you mentally? Still hurt and trying to hurt back? Or are you getting smarter and stronger and working towards being who you really are instead of an emotional and overreacting type of person.

Vegas sounds like an awesome time, will you have time to go out after lacrosse stuff?

[Did]

Thanks ovr you’re abaolutely right. I try to be kind and smile. But it doesn’t feel good being in her place. I pay for it. She seems entitled. And it’s draining and a negative emotion. Her place is nicer than mine so it’s a weird feeling. Since she’s earned 0 dollars and I’m on the lease. So I try to get out of there quick. Not sure if next month I just take 1000 off the support and pay the rent or all the way to 0.

She just texted me let me know when you’re at the y I’m here exercising. I’m dressed for a lunch and will be pleasant. I tend to be black and white. All or nothing. And need to work on that. I’ve learned so much and know enough to know I’ve got a lot more work and learning to do.

Work is going so well. I’d love to share it with W but I know what’s meant for me will manifest itself in time if I do my best in all aspects of my life. I trust the universe and my higher power.

For Vegas I will have time to go out and enjoy plus I’m going to get to some sites the first day I’m there. Likely going on a trip in spring as well. If I were in a relationship with w these trips may be different and her opinion is it’s unfair or whatever but hey I work and earn decent money so I’m going to do my thing. With or without her.

Thanks all and much love.




W says - You’re a really good dad. I hope you know it

Say nothing since not a question... Just say thanks I try my best? It does mean a lot. And feel good for her to say that but I know I shouldn’t say that.

Do you guys see how it’s hard for me to know how to respond?

Thank you

[Davide]

Why is that hard?

No direct question that requires an answer = no reply