Thanks Joe. I'm starting to get to the point though where the sex is leaving me feeling used. Weird for a guy to say right? When I decline I can tell she gets frustrated. Should I continue having relations with her or keep it in my pants?
As long as she is not having sex with someone else, then have sex with her whenever you want. If you are feeling used in the bedroom, then you as the man need to take the lead.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I believe two people can have sex without emotional attachment. But not a husband and wife. And I have only seen expectations come from sex. And those expectations are pretty much never met. It's a mind F for sure.
It really is Ginger. I can admit this annomonusly on an internet board and with my IC. But the one time I shared that with her she said that "we should stop having sex since I'm confused" I dont want to stop having sex with her but i also cant keep having my emotions played with...
H36 W37 SD14 SS16 M 2 YEARS BD 12/25/2018 Still living together, sleeping together, etc
ScottG, I agree with all anyone is saying. However, in my sitch, I gave in and there was a 2 week period where she initiated multiple times. At all hours of the day and night. It was like she was a sex machine. I could barely keep up.
I tried to remember to attach no expectations to this very unusual behavior of hers. (Remember, my W committed an online EA so this was safe.) However, in a strange way, I do think it rekindled an interest in her reconnecting and recommitting back to the marriage. This occurred about two weeks after her last rebellion against the marriage. And it seemed to be a launching point for her to commit back fully to the marriage. Suddenly she was participating in MC, doing the homework, took an interest in working around the house. She also was open to my sexual advances even after she stopped initiating. And started planning for the future for us again (including resuming a house search that she had given up on shortly before going wayward). Was the sex the catalyst? Or just a symptom of her recommitting to the marriage? I don't know for sure, but I think it definitely helped.
Now please take all of that with a HUGE grain of salt. This is extremely atypical. If you do engage in sex with her remember: NO EXPECTATIONS!! Attach no significance to it. In fact, she very well could be using your body in order to full her fantasy (IE she is making love to you physically but an OM mentally and emotionally).
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, that's similar to my sitch. However we both go to IC and and it's like clock work after her session with IC. she turns cold. She is reading a lot of books about codependency and will.label me a narcissist,controlling etc. Last night she told me she "wants free of me"but is sending me nude pics the next morning. I texted her showing appreciation and asked for some more and suddenly she goes off bringing up all of my shortcomings and that I expect a certain type of response from her and if I dont get I'm controlling. Limbo [censored] man. On the bright side I've been dropping weight like crazy and look great. I do have a problem with pursuing too much though and need to shed these insecurities I have.
Last edited by ScottG31; 01/10/1908:34 PM.
H36 W37 SD14 SS16 M 2 YEARS BD 12/25/2018 Still living together, sleeping together, etc
Well after a bad argument in July she just started being distant. On xmas she told me she wants to divorce and doesn't love me like a husband. However, last week she said shes only thinking about separation now and isn't ready to file divorce anytime soon.
Last edited by ScottG31; 01/10/1910:07 PM.
H36 W37 SD14 SS16 M 2 YEARS BD 12/25/2018 Still living together, sleeping together, etc
Ok so, our lease is up in August and I feel like I have that much time to gain her trust and love back. I still haven't found any signs of an affair but I'm keeping my eyes open. She shows a lot of WW symptoms keeping score of my faults, etc. The next 7-8 months are going to be crucial for me. The second I identify an affair though I'm done. I cant have that on my concious. I will keep posting and searching for ivaluable support that's offered on this site.
H36 W37 SD14 SS16 M 2 YEARS BD 12/25/2018 Still living together, sleeping together, etc
