Bo, her whole spiel was scripted right out of the WAS handbook.
======================================= Chapter 1: Getting What You Want
Step 1- tell him what you want and expect him to roll over and take it.
Step 2- if he doesn't, then get irate and pitch a fit until he rolls over and takes it. Name-calling, accusations, insults, whatever it takes.
Step 3- if that doesn't work then throw him a bone, act like you still like him and give him a glimmer of hope that you might be willing to reconcile if only he were to do A, B and C (which you will of course never do, this is about getting what you want).
Step 4- if he's still not caving then walk away with new respect for him, this isn't going to be the picnic you thought it was. Time to regroup. =======================================
You need to be careful. In your conversation you said she threatened to get a court order to get you kicked out of the home. As far as I understand she would have to do that with a DVRO. Then later in your convo she says she loves you and will go to MC, but on her terms. She is also re-writing history, gaslighting, etc. She is fully on the rollercoaster and attempting to pull you on with her. My Ex is only nice when she wants something. You say the right thing and the mask will fall off so you can see the true self hiding behind it. You saw some of that in your convo with your W and her threats Bo. You may need seek council with your L again.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Please start a new thread and link the two threads together. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am going to give you my opinion and be brutally honest with you.
Everything your W said that doesn't involve her being DONE and the process of separating and getting divorced is BS. It makes absolutely no sense to separate and file for divorce and then go to marriage counseling.
Your W is either in a full blown affair or is just completely done RIGHT NOW to want a D with a new born baby. You just don't see that at all on this board. They usually wait until the children are a little older and more self sufficient.
It comes down to what YOU want for you and your kids. Take the BS carrot she is trying to dangle in front of you out of the equation. If nesting doesn't work for you then don't agree to it.
As far as the courts, they want to see 50/50 custody. This isn't 1950 when the woman was always awarded custody. If anything with her traveling they would probably lean toward awarding you prime custody.
W will want an answer from me re: parenting plan soon, and I talked about that with L yesterday. The ‘doing some research’ line is something that L suggested.
How would this sound as a response? Please add suggestions or affirmations as necessary.
“I’ve been doing some research, and what I’ve found is that if you want to separate, then you are welcome to find your own place and begin that arrangement for yourself, and you are welcome to assist me in parenting duties while you are here. I feel that it is my best interest (and that of the kids’) for me to continue to be here.”
NGS says you have to have an answer. DBing says to punt. "All of this is a lot to consider. I will need some time to sort it all out in my head before I can answer you."
Take power back where you can. She wants an answer. The power is that you can provide that answer when YOU are ready, not when she demands it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
