If it were me, I'd just reply "thanks" and leave it at that. She did give you a compliment that you appreciated so why not? If it was your neighbour, you'd respond in kind. If my H sent me a compliment and it just went off into thin air with no acknowledgement from me, he would likely think I was mad at him and not replying to punish him or just plain being rude. He also probably wouldn't send another compliment my way for a long time. If you want to reply, you could wait awhile to do it so she doesn't think you're just sitting there waiting for her to text you. Honestly...I think we make a big deal out of this stuff. If she was standing in front of you and said the same thing to her face, would you just turn around and walk away? If not, a short text "thanks" would suffice. But that's just me and how I would handle it. Don't know if that's right or not.
I don’t think it matters much but some vets might feel differently.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Just said thanks. Then she asked how’s d4. I said incredible.
Really missing my stbxw nothing id rather do than hang w her and D4 on couch. Busy weekend with a lot of coaching and GAL now back to reality just me and D4 in our 2 bedroom condo.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/30/1907:57 PM. Reason: combine posts
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
(((Did))) I know that feeling Did. Today is a beautiful sunny day and I am looking out at the water thinking what a great day it would be to go out on our boat with the kids. Sigh... different life. Anyway...no words of wisdom to offer, I’m afraid. I just wanted to send you a virtual hug and tell you that you are not alone.
D4 is pretty sick been nurturing as best I can went out for a bunch of food and meds made soup all that good stuff. Anyway D4 been asking to ft mom. Texted her said she was driving expected a call back. D4 upset later asking for mom again. W is very nurturing. Texted her. She said she’s not home but could ft. I knew what that meant. Meanwhile D4 crying asking why she won’t ft. I said D4 is upset and wants to talk to you.
D4 barely spoke to her but W looked good hair done up. Obviously at a guys house sitting on the couch. I don’t know why I even allowed ft to happen. I pushed for it. It’s like I want the pain. And at this point why should I expect any different. She was alone maybe for a couple months early on. But Gd dam that sht still hurts like a btch. A month ago or less she told me she really misses me of course like an idiot I ran over there. She’s out doing her thing I’m sure having wild sex as she seems to be into these days. I’ve read stuff about the weakest kind of person is one that jumps from relationship to relationship. Doesn’t really feel any better though. Honestly why do I even want her I guess I’m just as weak. And my self worth is just as low internally.
Tomorrow I’ll drop off D4. Not going into her place. Mistake to spend any time there whether I’m on the lease or not.
Looking for advice not as much on the feelings but action. NC no FT. I’m on her lease but she wouldn’t not pay and ruin her credit. Been paying $2325 could go down to $1325 - rent or just 0. I’ll consult an attorney but they won’t have any advice except 50/50 is best case scenario and that her not taking half of equity in investment property or Ira is better than I’ll get in court. Honestly I don’t really care about the money. I want to be strong, independt, unavailable, not care anymore.
She knows February was my timetable. Obviously there needs to be some conversation in February. Or I can just say the separation and leeway doesn’t work for me. There will be no more voluntary support unless or until we divorce. Don’t really wanna give an ultimatum. She has spent little time trying to make money. I’ve enabled her. I need to get over her move on. Her norm is divorce and split custody. That’s what she had as a kid. And what she seems comfortable with and subconsciously working towards even when she has come back. She never made action to make it work.
Thanks so much. I really hope to hear from vets.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
I am not a vet, but I want to comment and lend support. You share a kid you can't go NC. I get where a child is sick, hurt, etc you want to bend over backwards to help them. All you can do is do your best. In these sitchs there is just going to be times when the WS is not available and you have to deal with the fallout. This is your opportunity to learn to be a better nurturing parent. You are the father, but because of what it is, when D4 is with you then you are one parent. So you will have to learn to fill in for both roles. I fell like It will make you a better overall parent.
As far as you getting upset when D4 FT your WS, well maybe go and read the detachment thread again. Read about letting go more.... not just here, but read elsewhere. I am not an expert since I am just working through this myself. Once you get there from what I understand and am experiencing you can still feel the hurt and sadness, but you don't go into a tailspin of emotion. You don't ride the rollercoaster, you just watch it pass you by.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Why does she know about this Feb timetable? I think this is wrong for a guy who doesn't want to divorce and still really hasn't given her much time or space. I think she's never lost Did, but Did lost his W. As soon as his W shows the first hint you are there for her with your cape on.
I don't know why you still paying for her to have the party girl lifestyle and run around with other guys.
Why would you tell her about the change in your voluntary support?
ACTIONS are greater than WORDS. Don't tell, do.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
She asked about the timetable a few weeks ago. And I told her. I probably should have just said I don’t know. I have give. Her a lot of time and space but yea she has always known she can get me back.
Just completely stop paying support or pay just the rent as child support. Realistically / legally it’s all voluntary unless we divorce. So I could just not pay.
Definitely going as dim as possible. I want change. Can’t keep doing the same thing expecting different results.
I will take action. Little to no contact and less or no support on February. Advice appreciated on how to DB and handle this change without coming off as a complete ahole thanks.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
