Back in town from my trip. Again I had an amazing time and this high from the fun I had should last a while especially since WW is gone for the week.
Grandma will be buried this week. Family is sad yet relieved she is not suffering.
WW couldn't help herself this entire weekend. Kept sending me messages with passive aggressive under tones and complaining straight out that I am not "communicating" with her. Aka she wants an all access pass along with me asking permission to do things still.
My kids are not little and can stay home for hours alone. Yet I'm a bad coparent because I didnt hand over my exact itinerary to WW. WW upset that I only notified the kids of my whereabouts and timeframes.
There was nothing logistic required for me to be gone. Kids are home no matter what. Yet WW sends me a message saying the kids are sick and tired of relaying information. I did respond to that one and let her know that I wasnt relating information to her. I was telling the kids where I was because they are old enough to get the information directly from me and that it would be nice of she could stop making everything about her.
WW thinks that I'm talking through the kids when in reality the kids are the ones that matter to me so I just tell them directly with zero expectations that they tell or not tell WW.
Funny how for the last 1.5 years when I would ask for specifics, aka "who are you staying out with every single night drinking while out of town four to five days per week for work?" To which I would get "it's none of your business" and when I would protest I would get an "I dont care".
Ya sorry WW but I dont suddenly owe it to you to coordinate my travel with you.
My feeling that I'm 100% is still fully intact.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
I'm 100% done. Is what I was typing. Stupid phone is hard to type on.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
ST, wow your W is a real piece of work! Did this all start after BD or has she always treated you like a doormat? I wonder if she was already like this but you just filtered most of it out before.
ST, wow your W is a real piece of work! Did this all start after BD or has she always treated you like a doormat? I wonder if she was already like this but you just filtered most of it out before.
She has always treated me like a doormat. Now that I have a new perspective I realize that I survived an unreal amount of emotional abuse. Yes I just filtered it because it was "normal" for me.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
ST I can relate...exact same personality...or disorder with my WW. The second I no longer became her doormat she turned angry and when she started respecting me again. Mine has been slowly coming back but I am not sure if that is what I want anymore....just too much damage done at this point as you can relate.
I do wish she would agree to sell the house so we could move on but she won't. I actually envy that you are moving towards that so your life can move on to a happier place.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Thanks lost. Emotional abuse takes a huge toll. It [censored] that the only interaction I get from WW is her attempts at conflict.
When I do file for D I am going to ask for a cash settlement. I am still getting my finances in order.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Hearing you deal with your W sounds rough. You deserve way better buddy. I don't blame you for wanting to move on with the next chapter in your life.
Thanks Adam. It bothers me that it took all of this happening to see clearly how I have been badly mistreated. Again, I am no angel. I can honestly say that about five years ago I was an a$$hole. I honestly acted like she still does, but I have never been as purposefully hateful. I was always critical, arguing to win etc. But I attended hundreds of hours of counseling, anger management etc because I recognized that my behavior was severely impacting my MR and my kids. My WW had actually given me an ultimatum years ago that I needed to change or she would choose to leave me. I literally did exactly what she asked me to do.
Initially I was making changes for her and for MR. Then I realized that the changes I needed to make were for myself and for my happiness. I was a huge anxious messy ball of stress and disillusion. Once I started working on myself I felt a whole lot better about myself and the relationships where people actually noticed the changes, grew exponentially. I strengthened my relationship with my kids 100 fold and the same with my leadership at work which resulted in a very nice promotion for me into leadership. I continue to focus on being calm, empathetic and rational in all of my interactions and decisions with pretty much everyone. I focus on both executive maturity and emotional maturity. I used to lean heavily on my WW emotionally years ago because I was very codependent.
Now that I am not an anxious ball of a$$hole I can clearly see that my WW has not only remained stagnant mentally and emotionally and that she has actually regressed completely into NPD.
Years ago I would hurl insults just like my WW. I would say things just to be ugly because that is how we fought. We had to "one up" each other on the hurt. I completely stopped doing that and have not done that for years. Even when I confronted her about the A, I only told her how I feel.
So over the past few years our arguments were mostly because I would go into pursuit mode due to my insecurities and she would justify why she didn't have to compromise with me when she did things she wanted. That evolved to her turning the emotional abuse to level 10 and she would just scream hateful things to me.
An argument would start with me asking her why she went out drinking with OM and I would tell her how that made me feel. WW would just respond with "I don't care" and then start screaming insults at me. Tell me I am a piece of sh*t, a horrible H, a horrible father to our kids. WW would tell the kids that I was a horrible H and that she wants to make sure they never marry a POS like me.
Even when the kids protested and would disagree and tell her that I am a good father and H, she would just keep trashing me to them. I assume she did the same thing with OM, told him everything about me and my past to get him to feel sorry for her.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
ST, I was just reading some of your comments in DaveK's thread and have to say wow, you have come so far in such a short amount of time! Your advice to him was really outstanding. Well done!
Originally Posted by SoTorn
An argument would start with me asking her why she went out drinking with OM and I would tell her how that made me feel. WW would just respond with "I don't care" and then start screaming insults at me. Tell me I am a piece of sh*t, a horrible H, a horrible father to our kids. WW would tell the kids that I was a horrible H and that she wants to make sure they never marry a POS like me.
Even when the kids protested and would disagree and tell her that I am a good father and H, she would just keep trashing me to them. I assume she did the same thing with OM, told him everything about me and my past to get him to feel sorry for her.
Yeah she probably did. A lot of times OM is just getting one side of the story. So he thinks you are mean and abusive and she is a perfect little angel that has been so terribly mistreated. With time he'll find out the truth though. That's horrible that she trash-talks you to the kids. That says a lot about her character (or lack thereof).
