Need help with WAW

[RVA18]

Currently we do 2/2/3 starting on Mondays, so we alternate weekends with the boys. I pick up S3 at daycare every day and get S5 off the bus and they stay with me until my W gets home from work. So at least I get to see them every day.

One thing I struggle with is my W saying things like, you look nice or sending me texts saying I something that made me think of you. My W has always wanted people to like her and can't stand it when people are upset with her. I don't know if this is her way of trying to make me feel better and thereby not be upset with her. She has admitted that she is struggling with the thought of D because she doesn't want to hurt me.

I think her need to have people be happy with her contributed to us in getting in this sitch because she would never vocalize her opinions about issues she was having.

Another thing I can't understand is we were having sex regularly up until a week before BD and then she tells me she doesn't love me and hasn't been happy for a long time. We were also planning a trip to Ireland for our anniversary.

[Ready2Change]

Currently we do 2/2/3 starting on Mondays, so we alternate weekends with the boys. I pick up S3 at daycare every day and get S5 off the bus and they stay with me until my W gets home from work. So at least I get to see them every day.

Perfect.

One thing I struggle with is my W saying things like, you look nice

Accept the compliment and just simply reply "Thanks"

or sending me texts saying I something that made me think of you.

Do not respond. Only respond to questions, and only if they are related to the parenting, or financial (even then, run it past us first).

Another thing I can't understand is we were having sex regularly up until a week before BD and then she tells me she doesn't love me and hasn't been happy for a long time. We were also planning a trip to Ireland for our anniversary.

Just because the gas gauge reads full does not mean the oil level is OK. IE sex is not the right indicator of how the relationship is doing.

[ovrrnbw]

Read the validation links. Memorize a few validating phrases. Your W is saying a lot of things that you should be validating. It will make a huge difference in your sitch.

She is doing MC, and still involved in EA or more at this point. It's always a "friend" or "guy from work".

I'd not be her little buddy if she is fooling around with this guy.

[RVA18]

I think at this point is it best for me to try to take a step back and let her go. This has been the hardest part for me. I realize I can't change her, I can only change myself. Before she said she didn't want to do things with me for fear of giving me hope, I tried to do things together because that was one of the things she complained about on BD. She is right it did give me hope that things would change because we always had a good time together when we were hanging out. Then a few days later she would say nothing has changed and she wants out. I think the best thing for me right now is to just let her go and try to detach as much a possible.

[ovrrnbw]

You can probably still have limited contact but let her initiate it. Get busy with your life, work on your 180's, and let her wonder. Stop the pursuit, stop the pressure. This website and DR book have lots of examples of pressure and pursuit.

The fact that your W hasn't filed means she probably doesn't know if that's what she wants to do. So when you aren't putting all the pressure on her she can figure out what she really wants and maybe she can begin to see your 180's.

What are you doing for GAL? Have you been going to the gym a lot?

[RVA18]

For GAL, I've connected with old friends and we've been hanging out watching football, drinking. We're planning a golf trip in the spring. I've been trying to plan new fun things for me and the boys to do when I have them on the weekends. They seem to really be enjoying that, S5 asked yesterday what I had planned for this weekend. I have been running a lot more over the last couple months since BD. It has helped to keep my stress down.

There has been no push from her to get a separation agreement in place. We have to wait a year from our separation date to file for D. We have discussed what till happen if we do file for D. We plan to go to mediation because we agree on everything with the kids and our assets. Again she hasn't made any push toward getting anything in place and I'm not going to push to get anything done. She can do the legwork if she wants this to go forward. W says she is adamant that this is over but she's hasn't made any moves to make that happen.

Today is the first day in a long time where I haven't texted wife to have a good day or something like that. It feels weird but good at the same time.

[RVA18]

Journaling:

Struggled today with not texting W. Today was the first day I haven't initiated conversations with her. I struggle with feeling she's going to forget about me or realize life is great without me.

On a positive note I've had a great afternoon with my boys. We're making plans for the weekend. Getting ready to go for a run to try to clear my head.

Thanks everyone for the help so far.

[Ready2Change]

Struggled today with not texting W. Today was the first day I haven't initiated conversations with her. I struggle with feeling she's going to forget about me or realize life is great without me.

Then you need more things to occupy your time.

Do not chase cats (Women). Let her miss you.

[bubbs16]

Ready2change, where you located in co ? i cannot pm yet

[SoTorn]

My WW stopped sex on BD when she moved upstairs. That's when she felt "bad" for having sex with two men at the same time and felt she was cheating on OM by having sex with me.