I have asked myself that question and i dont see how going back when she clearly doesnt want me there would help the situation
It helps because you reclaim your self respect. If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. You show her strength by living your life on your own terms and not tiptoeing around her, and allowing her to live her life.
She sees you running away as weaknesses, she can manipulate you b/c she knows you fear her reaction. A strong person who respects themselves makes their choices based on their morals and lets the chips fall where they may. You are showing her that you think if you do this dance just right, that you can win her back. But in the back of her mind, she's loving watching you dance knowing that you will never win and she will squash you like a bug whenever she pleases. So are you a dancer, or a man who acts from his own morals?
The only reason she has the power to kick you out of your own home is because you gave it to her.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I have asked myself that question and i dont see how going back when she clearly doesnt want me there would help the situation
It helps because you reclaim your self respect. If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. You show her strength by living your life on your own terms and not tiptoeing around her, and allowing her to live her life.
She sees you running away as weaknesses, she can manipulate you b/c she knows you fear her reaction. A strong person who respects themselves makes their choices based on their morals and lets the chips fall where they may. You are showing her that you think if you do this dance just right, that you can win her back. But in the back of her mind, she's loving watching you dance knowing that you will never win and she will squash you like a bug whenever she pleases. So are you a dancer, or a man who acts from his own morals?
The only reason she has the power to kick you out of your own home is because you gave it to her.
I told myself and all my family that i was never gonna leave that I didn't believe in that and looked what i ended up doing... So the problem is if i go back home right now I have no job, no car . etc. We were a 1 vehicle family by choice. We had gotten out of debt by using dave ramsey methods. So right now i cant interview for jobs in Co wihle im in mo really. I would have to go home, and buy a vehicle which I was wanting to do before I left.
See im scared if I show up the would do same with the restraining orders as she works at govt building with police.. I have a job thats in the mts but if I go back home with the dog I dont have a job lined up there. I wasn't working when I left. Its a rental we do not own the house and I can't remember whether my name is even on the lease honestly. I do have a key yes.
OK so it's a rental and only her name is on the lease? You voluntarily moved out. I would say given these facts, don't move back in. Just leave her be. Go completely dark on her. No contact at all. If she contacts you it's OK to reply, but keep it strictly business. You said earlier she almost let you come back 3 times, that tells me that feelings are still there. Even though she recently told you it's over, WAS's do change their minds back and forth all the time. She's done today, not sure tomorrow, wants to reconcile the day after, done again the day after that. Round and round they go. This is why going dark is effective. It gives her time to sort through her confusion. It helps her to learn to miss you. It helps her to realize whatever demons she is wrestling with are still there even though you are not, and as such are maybe not your fault after all. So go dark. Stay where you are, find a job, pull your life back together, focus on you. Get out and GAL and put her out of your head as much as you can. She may very well come back to you, but it will probably be a while first. A friend of mine's W left him and moved in with another guy. They sold their house and business and split the proceeds and he did not say one word to her for almost 2 years. Then she started reaching out to him, then dating etc. and now they are fully reconciled, living together and happier than I've ever seen them. So it happens. But it takes time.
See im scared if I show up the would do same with the restraining orders as she works at govt building with police.. I have a job thats in the mts but if I go back home with the dog I dont have a job lined up there. I wasn't working when I left. Its a rental we do not own the house and I can't remember whether my name is even on the lease honestly. I do have a key yes.
OK so it's a rental and only her name is on the lease? You voluntarily moved out. I would say given these facts, don't move back in. Just leave her be. Go completely dark on her. No contact at all. If she contacts you it's OK to reply, but keep it strictly business. You said earlier she almost let you come back 3 times, that tells me that feelings are still there. Even though she recently told you it's over, WAS's do change their minds back and forth all the time. She's done today, not sure tomorrow, wants to reconcile the day after, done again the day after that. Round and round they go. This is why going dark is effective. It gives her time to sort through her confusion. It helps her to learn to miss you. It helps her to realize whatever demons she is wrestling with are still there even though you are not, and as such are maybe not your fault after all. So go dark. Stay where you are, find a job, pull your life back together, focus on you. Get out and GAL and put her out of your head as much as you can. She may very well come back to you, but it will probably be a while first. A friend of mine's W left him and moved in with another guy. They sold their house and business and split the proceeds and he did not say one word to her for almost 2 years. Then she started reaching out to him, then dating etc. and now they are fully reconciled, living together and happier than I've ever seen them. So it happens. But it takes time.
I didnt Move persay. I grabbed a suitcase and the dog cause she said she didnt want the dog there anymore. ALL My stuff is still there. Everything She wants to just ship it to wherever i will be .
See im scared if I show up the would do same with the restraining orders as she works at govt building with police.. I have a job thats in the mts but if I go back home with the dog I dont have a job lined up there. I wasn't working when I left. Its a rental we do not own the house and I can't remember whether my name is even on the lease honestly. I do have a key yes.
OK so it's a rental and only her name is on the lease? You voluntarily moved out. I would say given these facts, don't move back in. Just leave her be. Go completely dark on her. No contact at all. If she contacts you it's OK to reply, but keep it strictly business. You said earlier she almost let you come back 3 times, that tells me that feelings are still there. Even though she recently told you it's over, WAS's do change their minds back and forth all the time. She's done today, not sure tomorrow, wants to reconcile the day after, done again the day after that. Round and round they go. This is why going dark is effective. It gives her time to sort through her confusion. It helps her to learn to miss you. It helps her to realize whatever demons she is wrestling with are still there even though you are not, and as such are maybe not your fault after all. So go dark. Stay where you are, find a job, pull your life back together, focus on you. Get out and GAL and put her out of your head as much as you can. She may very well come back to you, but it will probably be a while first. A friend of mine's W left him and moved in with another guy. They sold their house and business and split the proceeds and he did not say one word to her for almost 2 years. Then she started reaching out to him, then dating etc. and now they are fully reconciled, living together and happier than I've ever seen them. So it happens. But it takes time.
I didnt Move persay. I grabbed a suitcase and the dog cause she said she didnt want the dog there anymore. ALL My stuff is still there. Everything She wants to just ship it to wherever i will be .
I tend to agree with AS. Barging back in to a rental home 1000 miles away feels unnecessary. Have her ship your things and go dark. Basically, what you can do now is to go out and live a happy and successful life where you are. Lay down roots and grow into a person that only a fool would leave.
No more telling her things. No more talking to her on the phone. If she calls, Let her go to VM.
So you have a decision to make.
1) Move back and pursue a woman who does not want to be with you, all while not having a JOB.
or
2) Give her time and space like she asked for, let her miss you, and move to a town where you do have a job.
If you pick #2, you can have time and space away from her, work on your personal growth.
Text her:
"I have taken the job in ski town USA. After I get settled, I will text you where you can ship my things. If you can't wait, I will pick them up earlier. Bubbs16"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Just be aware that when you do move back and DB correctly, your W may fill the void with conflict and negativity. That's what my WW does. It's a hard road man. But yes move back home. If she doesnt want to live with you then politely advise her that she is free to love where she chooses.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Yes still making decision on exactly what to do. Looking at other places to live/work that would be full time year around positions not 3 months and then be w/o job and place to live. Ya dont know if she will ever miss me with how she is currently acting . Been gone 6 weeks already and she acts like im still in the house. I did nc twice already 1 was 4 days and the other was 3 days.
I have 1 contact back in co that i contacted today to see if I could get on at his shop but that was no go they are full staff right now. That would have at least got me full time job.
