She is 100% adamant that its over. Nothing is going to change that womans mind that is for sure. She has so much hatred towards me, everything is so negative .
If she thinks you are trying to change her mind or that you aren't convinced it's over, then she'll show more hatred and negativity. It's her way of convincing you it's over. I suggest you not return her emails or text messages, unless they are extremely important. If you must talk to her about business, then don't make any references to the M/D and end the call as quickly as possible.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
There are no rules to this thing we call life. We have agreements and broken agreements. With ourselves and with others. Did you break the agreement or did she?
Originally Posted by bubbs16
She has so much hatred towards me, everything is so negative .
She has to justify her actions. That is it. Has to blame someone for her bad choices.
Someone suggested going dark. I agree.
Repeat this three times: "I do not want to be with a woman who does not want to be with me"
Then say it to yourself whenever you need to.
Focus on you. Become attractive. In the way you behave and present yourself to others.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
There are no rules to this thing we call life. We have agreements and broken agreements. With ourselves and with others. Did you break the agreement or did she?
Originally Posted by bubbs16
She has so much hatred towards me, everything is so negative .
She has to justify her actions. That is it. Has to blame someone for her bad choices.
Someone suggested going dark. I agree.
Repeat this three times: "I do not want to be with a woman who does not want to be with me"
Then say it to yourself whenever you need to.
Focus on you. Become attractive. In the way you behave and present yourself to others.
She def is justifying her actions, and blaming me. She has a list apperently that she must look at often on reasons why she is done with me. She told me about the list. Shes been the one contacting me 99% of the time. I dont initiate the contact she always does. Its so difficult.
There has been so many times where i just dont answer her.
Lulz, my W starting writing it all down too. Gotta have written proof of why the LBS is a garbage person.
I'm glad you aren't contacting her, that's good. That helps. She'll wonder why you aren't contacting her, and she'll wonder why she cares. Obviously she needs time.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Lulz, my W starting writing it all down too. Gotta have written proof of why the LBS is a garbage person.
I'm glad you aren't contacting her, that's good. That helps. She'll wonder why you aren't contacting her, and she'll wonder why she cares. Obviously she needs time.
I havent been contacting her for the past month honestly.. Maybe like once. other then that its always her contacting me been that way. I mean the first 2 weeks i contacted her multiple times, but not since then. She would ask me why arent you contacting me and id be like um you wanted space and time remember?
She has a list apparently that she must look at often on reasons why she is done with me.
Address anything on "The List" that you believe will make you a better person. Don't worry about the rest.
I hear you, bubbs. My W had a mental ‘list’ of things that she was unhappy with.
Don’t get me wrong—some have merit, and some are useful for me doing 180s on, and the same will be for you, too. I agree with R2C—if it will truly make you a better person, then do it.
What I struggle with periodically (and most of us probably do so at first, too, if we’re being honest), is doing it FOR the WAS. If they notice, great I guess, and if it changes their mind long-term, better. My W would every so often tell me that I haven’t improved; sometimes it’s a valid statement (who doesn’t backslide every now and then?), but be careful because for a WAS, almost nothing you do in the immediate term will be good enough, so be at peace with that and guard yourself.
But if it changes anything for the WAS, it will take time. It will take time for you too, but the payoff and the self-feedback will be much more immediate, longer-lasting, and sustainable in the long-term.
She def is justifying her actions, and blaming me. She has a list apperently that she must look at often on reasons why she is done with me.
My W put up pictures of me from times that she had bad memories of me from...a trip on which she got injured, a pic of her wearing a piece of jewelry that I got her as a makeup for a mistake I made...said she put them up to stay motivated. That was the last time I was in the house in November. She has signs around the house that say 'you got this!' And other things to try and stay motivated to D. They all do the same stuff it seems. Get smarter, get stronger, get moving. It's all any of us can do. Hang in there brother.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
She def is justifying her actions, and blaming me. She has a list apperently that she must look at often on reasons why she is done with me.
My W put up pictures of me from times that she had bad memories of me from...a trip on which she got injured, a pic of her wearing a piece of jewelry that I got her as a makeup for a mistake I made...said she put them up to stay motivated. That was the last time I was in the house in November. She has signs around the house that say 'you got this!' And other things to try and stay motivated to D. They all do the same stuff it seems. Get smarter, get stronger, get moving. It's all any of us can do. Hang in there brother.
Yikes , well my w could possible have those as well i wouldnt know.
big decisions. I got a job offer today thats back in colorado. I would be living where i work. I cannot however bring the dog. I have our dog with me shes 15 yrs old. She is my baby girl. I dont want to leave her behind. So i have to make a decision fast on what to do. They want me to be there and working by sun night if i take it .
