Why is she still holding me every night and being intimate with me? I try to own zero expectations but its hard to that when you love someone and they're playing with your head. This M stuff is crazy. It's like an emotional roller coaster ride that won't end. I tried to share this with her in the past and all she says is "she needs time to heal and work on herself". I'm not sure how much longer I can play this game before I ask her to leave and move on with my life. Everyone has a desire to feel wanted and loved and I havent felt that in a long time.
Last edited by ScottG31; 01/13/1902:40 AM.
H36 W37 SD14 SS16 M 2 YEARS BD 12/25/2018 Still living together, sleeping together, etc
Why is she still holding me every night and being intimate with me? I try to own zero expectations but its hard to that when you love someone and they're playing with your head. This M stuff is crazy. It's like an emotional roller coaster ride that won't end. I tried to share this with her in the past and all she says is "she needs time to heal and work on herself". I'm not sure how much longer I can play this game before I ask her to leave and move on with my life. Everyone has a desire to feel wanted and loved and I havent felt that in a long time.
Why is she doing it? Below I will post everything we have learned over the years on why WAS's do what they do:
Seriously though, the short answer is she is cake-eating. She likes the comfort and security of the M but she also wants to be "free" to pursue a different life if and when she so chooses.
It's difficult to give you simple answers to all your questions about the sex activity. We know nothing about the marital history, why your W is seeing a counselor, why she wants a S/D......or much of anything other than you two seem sexually active. You said you are seeing an IC for abandonment issues, and about the MR. What does the IC recommend for the MR?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She sees counselor for PTSD from childhood as well emotional abuse from me over the years. I can subscribe to some of my W claims that I've been emotionally abusive. However, she uses all these terms to describe me now;narcissist, co-dependent, etc. My IC continues to encourage me to focus on myself which I've been doing for the past 6 weeks. I'm actually at a place of peace now due to a lot of reading and attending church regularly. The fear of her leaving me is still there but it's not as pronounced I've put it all in Gods hands and continue to focus on myself. When I bring up reconciliation my W claims she will do that on "her time, and I'm pushing her". With that said I've resigned to avoiding all R talk for now. Wife even agreed to attend MC with me last week but I fear it could blow up in my face. I just don't understand her hot and cold streaks. One minute shes calling me babe and we're shopping for house decorations and the next shes undecided about our sit. We have sex at 7-10 times a week but the intimacy is absent. I'm sure her IC is encouraging her to divorce me as well as her family members.
H36 W37 SD14 SS16 M 2 YEARS BD 12/25/2018 Still living together, sleeping together, etc
She's calling you co-dependant while asking for divorce and still having sex with you all the time...hello pot!
Originally Posted by ScottG31
When I bring up reconciliation my W claims she will do that on "her time, and I'm pushing her".
Scott, I don't mean to be rude, but if she wanted to reconcile, you'd know it. The simple fact that you are "bringing it up" is adding pressure to her. She's right, you are pushing her. What she didn't say is that, most likely, you are pushing her away from you. Is that what you're trying to accomplish?
Originally Posted by ScottG31
I just don't understand her hot and cold streaks.
That's because there is no "understanding them". They are emotions. Emotions come and go, one day you're gung ho this way the next day you're back to where you where. You've been there too, I don't doubt it.
If her IC and family are encouraging divorce there is nothing you can do about it. So let it go Mr. Nice Guy and refocus that mental space and energy on something that will make your life better. I know you're probably thinking: "Over, what the hell are you talking about you crazy @$$?". But there is no secret tool to make her decide now and decide how you want. Do you want your W to choose you or would you be OK if you could somehow just force her to be with you? On the opposite side of the coin, think about this: if her IC and family are encouraging divorce, they may be pushing her back to you. Are you going to keep pushing her away or are you going to let her come to you? If you decide you'd like to let her decide, then respect the time and space she needs to process everything and don't add to her emotional confusion by pressuring her with questions about reconciliation.
Go read my thread from day 1, I was the same as you buddy. Click on my name, then the number showing all my posts, then click to my oldest posts and you'll see my old thread.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Ok Over, please help me understand how her family and the IC could be pushing her towards me? Also, thoughts on doing MC with her? I feel like that could be her platform to permanently dump me because she was adamantly against MC over the past months; why so interested now? I have ceased all R talk and we are actually getting along pretty good. You're right I want her to decide. No one should force someone to be with them. Thanks for the golden nuggets of knowledge man
H36 W37 SD14 SS16 M 2 YEARS BD 12/25/2018 Still living together, sleeping together, etc
The could be pushing her to you by simply telling her to divorce you. That's pressure, just like you pressuring her by asking her to reconcile with you.
I don't see any reason not to do MC but maybe others will have an opinion too. If she's gonna use it to say she tried everything and Scott just [censored], then oh well.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
