Not going to do a long recap - anyone interested in my journey from day 1 can go back to the previous thread links and find my entire story. Here are the main tidbits: BD in spring 2017; W moved out in a few weeks after that; we sold our brand new first home that we had bought 6 months ago; started DBing just after W moved out; definite EA; I started to put my life back together, which didn't really pick up until 6-8 months after BD; spent most of 2018 doing personal recovery work and figuring out life; I started the separation agreement process end of 2018 - we both agree on everything and so it's just getting paperwork done; and we will jointly file for D as soon as the agreement is done with.
Hence, the title of this thread. I am in the legal endgame right now and once all of that is done, it will finally close this chapter in a formal way. I don't have any desire to recon with W even if she flips the switch - she needs to do too much work and I don't want to wait around for that eventuality - the chances of that happening are very remote.
I am doing really well. Had some major setbacks on 2018 and I had to shelve some of my personal goals and plans, but I am getting healthier and should be able to pick it up in a month or so. I am so looking forward to it.
Kids are doing better, but they do still have some difficult days. My parenting game is on point and my relationship with my kids is a thousand times better as I have gone through my own personal growth which has allowed me to improve myself, resulting in my improved parenting.
I am diligently working on my growth mindset and here are some things I am doing this year:
1. Learning French. I started classes and hopefully by the end of this year, I should have a good working knowledge of the language. It will be an added skillset making me more marketable in the job market, but also great to add another language in my arsenal. I already speak 4 languages.
2. Get my diet and workout routines down.
3. Consistently do meditation and waking up early. Get proper sleep every night.
4. Be brutally intentional with my time. I have a schedule that I follow and it's amazing how much I can get done. The schedule also includes down time so I can recharge.
5. Get my main GAL activities on and be diligent about my physical healing so that I can start doing more stuff.
6. Have $hitloads of fun this year and plan some solo travel and travel with kiddos.
7. Start dating
I know there were some previous convos on my last thread and I will bring them back here. Don't worry about threadjacking - I am at a point in my sitch where we can have more wide ranging conversations as I am not looking for direct feedback on anything. I have my DBing and what I need to do covered.
Thanks for the perspective on dating and what your experiences have been. I am also wondering if the dating scene is better in larger cities. I was on a couple of dating apps and it was a bit absurd. However, I need to up my game and I also want to meet women in natural settings. 2018 was more of a hermit stage for me as my main GAL activities took a hit. But with me ramping those up this year, I know that I will have more opportunities.
Sex is abundant if you just want to get laid and you relax your standards - men and women. I know I can get that if I want, but I think I'd rather have a date along with it than just being strictly between the sheets business. I am looking for some connection. I am excited to explore all of this and I'll keep y'all posted on my trysts with dating.
I am glad to hear that you are feeling ready to put yourself out there. You have a very clear idea of what you want, and more importantly of who you are, and that will serve you well in the dating arena. My only recommendation would be to push the limits of your comfort zone as much as you can without betraying your values. Putting yourself out there, dating different people, making yourself vulnerable - these can all be highly uncomfortable, but it is in that discomfort that most of our growth happens. I look forward to hearing of your adventures.
And I look forward to hearing about you heading back to the climbing gym soon as well!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
I have followed your sitch from the begining, great strides you have made. I also commend you are being able to navigate the negotiations for separation/divorce. I for one cannot understand why in my sitch I am still married. I saw Joseph9 get D'ed rather quickly and I was hoping for the same.
2019 will be a great year Maika, I wish you all the best.
As for the dating sites, you will be in crazy world with many broken people. Most of whom are not trying to better themselves.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Thanks Davide for the dating advice. Yeah I definitely need to get outside my comfort zone and also start meeting people naturally. I can't wait to get back to the climbing gym. I have been working diligently on my rehab and I am at 99.9% on my knee. I think a few more weeks of strengthening the knee will get me there and then I can start back from scratch. My plan for 2018 was to get to at least a 5.11a. So, let's see how I do when I get back and how quickly I can progress and then I will calibrate my climbing goals for the year.
BH - Thanks for dropping by! I do follow your sitch as well and sounds like you are in a very good place for yourself. Getting through the legal bureaucratic stuff will be a good closure for me. Hopefully can get it all wrapped up in the next 4-6 weeks. Dating sites - thanks for the tip as well. I know what I want and I am in no rush so that's working for me at least.
You have been a beacon of strength Maika, you did some soul searching and did all the hard work it takes to fix as many flaws you have. You will make a great life for yourself, you have the will, courage and now the knowledge.
Thanks a ton Sia! I hope you and your babies are doing well. When I look back at Jan 2018 and now with 12 months passed, it's like night and day. I am in such a better place now. All the best and keep us posted in your thread how things are going.
I love your initial post in this thread, lots of talk about where Maika is heading in life and very little talk of W Love your to-do list too! Nice work!!
Thanks for the fist bump AS! Yeh, exW is pretty much in the rearview mirror and getting further and further out where I can barely make her out in my view. 2019 has already been pretty good so far, and it's just getting better. Feeling excellent! Hope you're doing more than well.
