Building my best self and life with or without W

[Did]

I assumed she was at a guys house. She told me she went on a date because D4 was repeatedly asking to ft and she was out. The circumstances don’t matter. I’m not paying any support in feb. She can be a part of my life and commit to working herself and our marriage or she can take steps to get divorced and do the work herself.

[SteveLW]

Did, hang in there buddy. YOu've been dragged through the ringer by her. We've tried to encourage you to empower yourself to not allow that to happen anymore. It sounds like you are progressing in that regard! Know we are pulling for you and I continue to pray for your sitch.

[neffer]

Yes. We are all team Did here man. No more "she"s in your posts. Cmon man!

Stay strong man.

[Hurt213]

Did,

Been reading up on your sitch, and boy do I see so many parallels between your and my sitch.

I am slowly but steady realizing the same things you are, and I too get fooled and played like a stradivarius. I say no more. I say, lets heal, be strong for our kids, find joy in what we have, and change what we can and want too. Let the rest be, because it is not up to us to persuade, empower, or control our crazy former partners.

I dare you, to not "blog / journal" one single entry containing WW for the rest of January. I will do the same. If you have read my sitch, you know that I need to as well .

Love is all around us, so embrace it, open up for it, and dont waste your energy on someone who doesn't want to be loved. Maybe down the line, maybe not, but hey, live in the moment, because, your daughter is growing bigger, wiser and more beautiful by the day - I know since im sitting writing this, after having just tugged in my own D5. Do not miss out on ANY of these special moments, because you are busy trying to please / read the mind of a woman that hurt you so profoundly. Dedicate yourself to you and your daughter and let every piece of the puzzle fall in place naturally. Maybe that spouse piece will be familiar, and maybe it will be a whole new adventure. Carpe diem my friend, carpe diem..

[ovrrnbw]

played like a stradivarius

Whoa.I had to go to the dictionary there.


Did, you can do this.

[ovrrnbw]

Did,

how'd the weekend go?

[Did]

Hey ovr thanks for checking in. Sorry for typos from my phone here between jobs. I came here to post my first blog article. Wonder what you guys think? I’ve gotten some good feedback so far. Going to make a Facebook group for divorce, expired relationships and separation. In hopes of generating a bit of a platform to start coaching people and finish my book by the end of the year. I still have to go back and clean it up a bit and make the website look better before really getting out there. If you read it you’ll know who I am but that doesn’t really matter to me. I have no secrets.

https://thecatalystforchangedot.wordpress.com/2019/01/17/the-catalyst-for-change/

Weekend- Coached all day Saturday got dinner with my dad. Wrote, workout, haircut sun then got D4. Had IC yesterday dropped D4 to w. During IC we talked about the end of this separation and how to approach it with w.

3 Bullet points. Understand how damaging the past was. Take accountability. That is no longer who i am and I can’t change the past. No more talking about it or other partners traumas etc. This separation has gone long enough and I don’t accept it anymore. This is what I want in a relationship starts with mutual respect and a safe space to grow with a partner who is inspired and admired etc. appreciate the fact I have D4 half the time and work hard as F to maintain multiple businesses and grow as a man. That will not stop and should be fing inspirational to a woman like god I love this man who works so hard on himself as a dad and to support us. W has said you’re a great dad miss you etc. so wonder if she will jump at her last chance. But I doubt it.

You Can level up and grow with me or not. What I want but don’t expect to happen is to be in a space when you’re dating someone and have a drawer at their place maybe sleeping together a couple nights per week. I’m not scared of divorce and I expect that to be the outcome. If she doesn’t want what I want I’ll tell her to go do the work to get the divorce. If it’s mediation she can split the cost. I will not bring up money. And I will not be paying anymore until the divorce agreement is in writing. If she wants to start spending time together and working on growing together. I may pay rent only which is $1000 less than I’ve been paying. Highly doubt this is the outcome. And if she says let’s date to get to know each other or anything like that I will say that doesn’t work for me. No more breadcrumbs.

Are you in or are you out. This convo will happen when I get back from Vegas. Next week.

Had a real estate appt and coaching my HS lacrosse team today. Dropped D4 at w again. I’m having her every night through wed afternoon since I’m heading to Vegas Thursday - Mon. Not sure about this stuff seeing her for drop offs. D4 has been sick now I’m feeling it and w is too. She got a bunch of meds and I asked her for some. She gave me meds. No pursuit etc. Eventually should / will have a babysitter or nanny but W is available and still not working. I have been reading some stuff about divorcing with compassion and emotional intelligence. Instead of fighting like two opposing parties. That is the page W is on. I do love her and care about her. But I will no longer enable her. Here is an article a friend sent me ;

https://www.ftdivorcecoaching.com/s...4f2d-a26d-0b745e624e7b&utm_source=so

I’m sure I’m making some mistakes here. Go ahead and swing those 2x4s. I asked wife to get lunch or coffee next week already. She said with me??!! Lol. Then she said she’ll have anxiety. I said don’t worry I’ll buy. Either way. I’m ready to move on one way or another. No more anchor holding me down she can swim with me or swim without me. Or she can swim and I’ll soar. Future is bright. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Growth is on the other side.

Cheers!

[SteveLW]

Or....imagine going complete no contact unless it is about D4? You've tried all of the above before.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

I don't believe you are insane.

[Did]

Steve do you mean no contact no support and just not communicate what’s going on at all. And she can figure it out on her own? Or have the conversation say I’m done with the separation this is what I want. You in or out blah blah then NC.

[ovrrnbw]

Steve means you don't respond to her at all unless it's in regards to your daughter. Flat out ignore her, except for your daughter. You drop your daughter off as quickly as possible.

The conversation will do nothing but add pressure to your W. What's the point of it? To TELL her you're done and over her? Well she won't believe it until you SHOW her. That's why the NC. You aren't healed. She isn't healed. You both need time and space. I think this is the best course for you. And you are trying and DOING some of the right things, if only you could get your W's talons out of your back for a while.

During IC we talked about the end of this separation and how to approach it with w.

If you want to end it with divorce, which I know you don't, then you would just file for divorce and let some cop serve her divorce papers and cease contact.

Since I know you want to save your marriage, give her time and space and go NC to prevent her from keeping you attached to her. What's the longest you've gone without talking to her throughout this whole situation?

I think you are feeling pumped up and inspired to make a positive change in your life. That's awesome! You are used to success your way and now. The fact that this isn't happening very quickly has got to be frustrating. But you probably haven't even gone more than w or 3 days without communicating with your W about nonessentials.

I'm gonna read your links and I'll let you know what I think there.