Unfortunately, when you are formally divorced, you are going to have to work out a schedule if she goes back to work. She won't be readily available anymore. She isn't going to bend to your schedule if she has to work.
You keep wanting to have this conversation that if she becomes what you need her to be, you' want to make it work. If she really wanted to do it that way, she would come to you and say "what needs to be done to make this work?"
You telling her what to do isn't going to work. She's got to want to do it, and if she wants to, she will, and show you by action.
You will have to come to a schedule if you divorce. Obviously. You really should come to one now. Is that too much reality? It shouldn't be. It should be reality for her. And you should get used to it also. You catering to her every time she wants a break bc she can't deal IS YOUR VISITATION SCHEDULE at this point. You make that happen. But you can't also a regular one? <laughable>
Thanks Ginger you’re absolutely right. Schedule she is going to be doing septic system designs on her computer from home and she should be very flexible. I have no issue getting a babysitter if needed and go week to week as I’ve told her multiple times.
There’s no reason for me to say anything about what I want unless she says what can I do to make this work. She lost me. She left. I’m done with the separation and leeway. No reason to talk about anything but D4.
Support next month $0 - $1325. $0 is basically telling her go get the divorce which is what I was expecting. If that looks bad should we go to court something she strongly wants to avoid then maybe just paying her rent at $1325 is best. I truly feel like there is a better future for me out there. And I’m going to go get it.
Not going to post much for a couple days. Thanks for everyone’s advice and opinions.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Airport heading back from Vegas. Going to talk to w this week. Short and sweet. Bullet points.
I realize how hurtful my actions were and I’m sorry I’m not my past and I can’t change it. When we were dating previously the foundation was extremely unhealthy. We’ve had a lot of space and time and I feel we’re both getting to a healthier place now.
If you want to have any connection or friendship with me that is part of our marriage. I recently read something that said unless you can go on double dates with your ex don’t be friends there are still feelings there.
Level up with me as I continue to better myself and my future. Or don’t.
If money comes up- I’m going to pay just the rent ($1000 less) $1325.
Minimal contact during trip. She sent me a handful of Instagram posts and Facebook posts. I didn’t respond. I did respond about D4 kindergarten discussion and schedule for next week. We will discuss kindergarten along with topics above at lunch or coffee this week. Want to do it somewhere public. Thoughts?
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Bro... You seem so level-headed in regard to the thoughts you put into play regarding other peoples sitches. You seem to have a lot of good things going for you, and you need to embrace that, for you.
You are stalling and repeating your pattern, and I have been there... and I have been getting the 2x4's thrown at my face for it, and im glad, because if not, I would still be there...
look at your bullet points my friend.. You see them as points to how you both have redeemed yourselves, and are now healthier, wiser and ready for round 2.. I know you will be fine with or without, but I also can read between the lines, that you really really want it to be with....
Your bullet points, will not work in your favor. You engaging in this conversation, will not work in your favor. You need to let go. Get to a the point, where she is a person you care for, because of what you shared in the past, but in the present, she is really messing you up with this repeating cycle. Let go, and then you will see clear. Work on you, be the great dad I know you are from reading your journals. Do NOT talk with her about those pointers, they will just come off as pursuit, and she will only be pushed away with the knowledge that, despite your efforts to rip loose from her, you are still detached, and she will use this against you.
Be strong my friend - this is the worst time of your life, but its time, it passes, and new time overflows the past and presents you with something great for the future, I am sure of it.... But that can only happen, if you decide to let the past be in the past.
You are the one, who makes the difference in you, nobody else. Love yourself enough to let go, only then can you let other people and even maybe your old companion, love you like you deserve to be loved.
BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018. EA: June 2018 PA: August 2018 - ongoing Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.
Do NOT talk with her about those pointers, they will just come off as pursuit, and she will only be pushed away with the knowledge that, despite your efforts to rip loose from her, you are still detached, and she will use this against you.
Pretty sure he means you are still attached, not detached.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Airport heading back from Vegas. Going to talk to w this week. Short and sweet. Bullet points.
I realize how hurtful my actions were and I’m sorry I’m not my past and I can’t change it. When we were dating previously the foundation was extremely unhealthy. We’ve had a lot of space and time and I feel we’re both getting to a healthier place now.
If you want to have any connection or friendship with me that is part of our marriage. I recently read something that said unless you can go on double dates with your ex don’t be friends there are still feelings there.
Level up with me as I continue to better myself and my future. Or don’t.
If money comes up- I’m going to pay just the rent ($1000 less) $1325.
Minimal contact during trip. She sent me a handful of Instagram posts and Facebook posts. I didn’t respond. I did respond about D4 kindergarten discussion and schedule for next week. We will discuss kindergarten along with topics above at lunch or coffee this week. Want to do it somewhere public. Thoughts?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Did, it’s clear you want to do what you want to do, not what we suggest.
That convo should not happen if you want to listen to our advice .
But you can’t seem to help yourself.
To Ginger's point. A question for you:
What are you planning on saying to her that she doesn't already know?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
