Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Let me get this straight; yelled "F U" at you because you didn't give her the Hulu password fast enough for her liking, is that correct? Oh my. I'm literally shaking my head right now. She is really something else! I am sorry you have to deal with that. I do appreciate your honesty too. It can't be easy.
I see what you mean about your conditions being that she attend MC with you and then changing your mind. You want to be consistent. A good MC should be able to see her bratty behavior and know how to call her out on it. Is that happening? I wish I had better advice for you. It's hard because this has been going on for awhile and she has become accustomed to "getting away with bad behaviors." My sense is that you are, or you will, going to get tired of this. That may be the point, when she thinks she is losing you, that she may be willing to change. Until then, you might be stuck with some of this cr-p attitude from her.
It almost feels as if you are raising a rebellious teenager (similar to a toddler, but with more life experiences and power to do things). She walks around high and mighty and then when she doesn't get her way, she acts out. It is a form of control and manipulation. I am not even sure how aware she is of how toxic it is. But she does it because it works for her. She is getting her way.
The thing about raising toddlers and teenagers, is that it is a lot of work! The ones that are strong willed require twice as much parenting. You have to be firm and consistent, show plenty of tough love, and you have to demonstrate strength and calmness. You cannot let anything slide under the radar, but you only give it minimal energy, as they cannot have power over you! I think DBing for you is going to be like raising a rebellious teen. You cannot be afraid of losing her love and affection. The opposite is true; as she sees that you are confident and not putting up with her BS, she might pitch a fit initially, but she will learn that you are someone she can come to respect. Sandi talks a lot about how a woman has to respect a man before she can love him.
Unfortunately, you have your work cut out for you. If you decide this M is not worth that much work, I would agree you are reasonable in deciding to get out. Nobody deserves to have someone they live with yell F U at them! Your home should be a place of peace and safety.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
I don't know what to do to address it. I got up and left the room and didn't speak with her the rest of the night. Then this morning she tries bumping into my leg with her leg - several times. Then making noises. I said "Yes?" a coule times, then I asked her what's going on with her leg? She just made more noises so I said "I'm confused, are you being nice now?"
Then she got huffy when I got out of bed without snuggling her. Then she said goodbye while I was on the toilet. So I said goodbye through the door. More huffing. Then she hadn't left so she gave me a hug goodbye when I got out of the bathroom and told me she's annoyed. I asked about what and she replied "you know". What a way to live!
But anyways I'm pumped for finishing my online training, getting training in LA, and starting the new gig in March. And in a couple of weeks I'll have more free time too so that's awesome.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I don't know what to do to address it. I got up and left the room and didn't speak with her the rest of the night. Then this morning she tries bumping into my leg with her leg - several times. Then making noises. I said "Yes?" a coule times, then I asked her what's going on with her leg? She just made more noises so I said "I'm confused, are you being nice now?"
Then she got huffy when I got out of bed without snuggling her. Then she said goodbye while I was on the toilet. So I said goodbye through the door. More huffing. Then she hadn't left so she gave me a hug goodbye when I got out of the bathroom and told me she's annoyed. I asked about what and she replied "you know". What a way to live!
But anyways I'm pumped for finishing my online training, getting training in LA, and starting the new gig in March. And in a couple of weeks I'll have more free time too so that's awesome.
ovr, are you guys in counseling? Either IC or MC? Or both?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Last I read I thought you two were in MC, how is that going?
If you two are recon, I'd think it would be okay to at least express to her your feelings about F U and see if she can at least change some of that behavior, that's a small start in the right direction. If she does, it means she's considerate of your feelings and can display some control. If she can't well, how can she change the other bigger stuff no matter how supportive you can be for her?
I'd look at the small stuff as opportunities to openly communicate your wants and see how that goes, but that's from my limited scope of assuming she is all-in.
If she's not all-in, what is the purpose of MC or continuing opposed to pulling back to the first steps of DB? Looks hard and demanding having to adjust to the swing of the sitch. (())
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
We went to a couple MC in the summer, met with our priest in December, but we are not really in MC yet. Tonight is the first night of MC since her last episode of running back to the OM a month ago.
W is starting to see her IC again.
I am not seeing an IC.
The purpose of MC is it was part of the conditions for letting her back in my world and to hopefully heal this sitch.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
If I could go back and do anything differently in my M it would be speaking up and communicating. Well, there are a lot of things I would have done differently like never marry the A hole, but I digress.....
You did not like the way she spoke to you. You should say " I do not appreciate you speaking to me like that" instead of the passive aggressive silent treatment.
When she tries to snuggle you when she wants it because she wants it, but you aren't feeling it because she treats you like cr@p, how about keeping it real?
"W, I don't feel like snuggling right now. The way you spoke to me earlier actually turns me off and does not make me feel affectionate."
My ex treated me like poop. And he couldn't figure out why I did not want to be intimate with him. The stuff outside of the bedroom really does translate inwardly. who wants to be vulnerable with someone who treats you like cr@p?
Just be honest with her. What do you really have to lose? You only have more to gain.
I am 38 now. Turning 39 this year. My ex was 28 and I was 27 when he dropped the bomb. The difference was we had a 6 month old at the time. My daughter is my life, and she was our IVF miracle baby. But I honestly I wasn't in such awful denial about who he was and either really really spoke up the right way (I just became horribly passive aggressive because I couldn't say anything because he was always right and I was always wrong). I wish someone she was a real man's child. I feel bad for bringing her into a marriage that I knew was on bad ground.
If you want children, please, make sure you get to a healthy place first. I wish I knew what I know now back then.
