You’re not alone. I’m in this place, too...I’m sorry.
I’m sorry you’re there as well. It’s a very uncomfortable place to be in. Limbo is not fun. I love my H with all that I am and that’s the only reason I’ve held in this long.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
glad to see you back. It is OK to take breaks from here. Just know that we do get concerned and worry for people that just disappear without letting us know.
Originally Posted by Living
I feel like I’m torn. I’m torn between trying to remain true to my vows and stand for my marriage. I try to think maybe this is the worse in for better or for worse. Maybe we can survive this. I’m torn between wanting to be patient and hopeful.
The other side of me wants to say forget this mess. This is not what I wanted for my marriage. Part of me wants to walk away. We are living like roommates and I’m better than this. However something is holding me back and it pisses me off. Like why can’t I just walk away from this fool? Why am I allowing myself to live in limbo and wait on him to wake the heck up?
This process is definitely the WORSE in your vows. Only you can hold up your side of the vows. It is also the time for you to clarify what you want in a marriage.
Somewhere in the future, hopefully you can be direct with H. Right now based on what you have told us, I believe the indirect behavior is your bes option. But no one knows. At some point, "This is not working for me" speech might need to be made to H.
Only you can figure this out. I believe knowledge is power. Now is a time for you to get more knowledge. Find your happy without him.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
glad to see you back. It is OK to take breaks from here. Just know that we do get concerned and worry for people that just disappear without letting us know.
Originally Posted by Living
I feel like I’m torn. I’m torn between trying to remain true to my vows and stand for my marriage. I try to think maybe this is the worse in for better or for worse. Maybe we can survive this. I’m torn between wanting to be patient and hopeful.
The other side of me wants to say forget this mess. This is not what I wanted for my marriage. Part of me wants to walk away. We are living like roommates and I’m better than this. However something is holding me back and it pisses me off. Like why can’t I just walk away from this fool? Why am I allowing myself to live in limbo and wait on him to wake the heck up?
This process is definitely the WORSE in your vows. Only you can hold up your side of the vows. It is also the time for you to clarify what you want in a marriage.
Somewhere in the future, hopefully you can be direct with H. Right now based on what you have told us, I believe the indirect behavior is your bes option. But no one knows. At some point, "This is not working for me" speech might need to be made to H.
Only you can figure this out. I believe knowledge is power. Now is a time for you to get more knowledge. Find your happy without him.
Thank you Ready2Change. I think indirect behavior is best for now. I’m not sure how long that will last but for now I do feel that’s best. I am committed to holding up my side of the vows up until divorce papers are signed, if it comes to that. I refuse to cheat or break my vows in anyway. If I has to walk away from this marriage I want to do so with dignity. I want to do so knowing I did all that I could to remain true to my vows. I want to walk away and be able to hold my head high.
To be perfectly honest with you when it comes to myself, I’m not unhappy. Sure there are things I recognized I needed to work on, but I started working on myself at the end of 2017. The only thing that makes me sad is the state of my marriage. Other than that, I’m not unhappy. That said, I’ve still got work to do. I’ve got plenty of things to keep me busy. But when I get a moment to be still, that’s when it hits me. However, I know what you mean when you say “find happy without him”.
This year is going to be the year that decides if we will remain married or not. I WILL NOT go into 2020 living with my husband like a roommate. So I guess he has less than 12 months to get it together. The ball is in his court. In the meantime I’m going to continue to take care of myself and our son. I’m going to work hard and make as much money as I possibly can. I’m going to continue with GAL, I’m going to get my spiritual and financial houses in order. The other day I finally truly prayed for my marriage. I asked God to take over and to help me to let go and trust his will. I asked God to help my husband to find his way back to me. We will see what happens. I’ve prayed about it and God’s will, wlll be done. I’m going to start going back to church because I also think that will help me.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Hello everyone, I have a moment this morning and I thought I’d check in. Sending lots of love and hugs to all of us in this struggle.
There isn’t much to update on my sitch. We are still pretty much going through the motions. Some days are good and some are not so good. There are days when I find myself really angry at my H.
We are still sleeping in separate rooms and we’ve both gotten used to that. It’s funny how just a few months ago and for our entire relationship I couldn’t sleep if he wasn’t in the bed with me. And he couldn’t sleep if I wasn’t there, now it’s seems we are both sleeping just fine without each other. I will admit that there are some nights I miss having him beside me. When I feel this, I usually wake up in the morning angry.
The crazy thing is when I’m angry or just feeling hurt, he notices it. He comes to me and says, I know that there is something on your mind, do you want to talk about it? And I never do.
Over the past few weeks, I feel like I see the old him more often. The person who cared about how I felt. There are some days where he is so sweet to me and he reminds me of the man I married. He’s also gone from talking as if we are over to talking about things in the future. Let me give an example, one of the things that he said to me a couple of months ago when he claimed he wanted out of this marriage was that I talk about things as if we will be together. He said there isn’t going to be a future because I want out. For example I would say next year when we decorate the house for Christmas I’m going to do X differently. He wanted no part of that because in his mind he wanted out and there wouldn’t be an “us” next year.
Now I find that more and more it’s him who is making references to things that will happen in “our” future. I’m not getting my hopes all up but I’m just pointing out that I see this happening.
He’s also started to do some of the things he used to do like gently kiss me in the morning. Or he’ll hold me tightly and let me know how much he loves me. Again, all things he used to do when things were normal.
Now all of this is not to say that things are great because they are not. I mean for Gods sake my husband and I are sleeping in separate rooms. There are some things that are going ok but our marriage is still on life support. There are days when I feel comfortable being patient and standing for my marriage. Then there are days when I say, I should just pull the plug and end this. Normally on the days when I feel like pulling the plug, he does something so sweet that reminds me why I fell in love with him. It’s almost like a divine intervention. Like the high power is trying to tell me something. I don’t know maybe I’m foolish to think that.
Anyway that’s my update. My work is keeping me busy so I’m thankful for that.
Last edited by Living; 01/23/1901:31 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
He comes to me and says, I know that there is something on your mind, do you want to talk about it? And I never do.
Is this old H behavior? Is it behavior you want from H?
Ready to Change, yes that is what my H would have done before he was abducted from the MLC aliens. I don’t know what I want anymore. I’m in tears as I type this response...What I really would want is for my H to go back to the way he was before he was abducted. However, day by day I try to learn to live with the fact that most likely that won’t happen. He’s still in therapy trying to work through his internal issues. There is a lot that happened to him in his childhood that is really affecting him. I do commend him for getting the help. But I just don’t know what I want. To be honest most days I just feel like I’m floating or just existing. I have so much on my plate right now that I just get up and float through the day.
Last edited by Living; 01/23/1907:09 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I am really sorry you are struggling. The truth be told these things usually take years to completely unfold. Mine lasted 3.5 years.
On the positive side I can almost guarantee that you will come out of this a better person.
Thank you for the encouraging words LH 19, I truly appreciate it. I pray that you’re right that when all this dust settles that I’m a better person. Between my H and my children, I’m exhausted. But I still get up everyday and thank God for life. I just have to trust that God will see me through it. Thanks again, today is not a good day but tomorrow will be better. : )
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
