I feel bad I haven't been to the gym, maybe worse is that the last week I started online gaming with a brother of mine and a few friends.
Adam do you think your W would be more attracted to Mr. Olympia or the worlds best gamer?
On sooooooooooo many levels. Do not miss the gym to play video games!!!
Hey LH,
I agree with you, it's embarrassing to share. I've been away from working out for a week now to a hurt foot and I don't like it. There's been an unexplainable pain shooting up from the bottom, but no sore or tender area. It's caused a weird limp when I walk.
I've been Cut before and I let that go with what I called the daddy weight, getting comfortable eating the bad foods and I didn't have a healthy self image. I sabotaged myself not realizing the impact it had on her. Loving myself starts with taking care of myself. I have two brothers who are pretty stocky working out 5 days 2 hours in the gym. When I first got BD I was working out with them. Both also play online and the younger one re-introduced me to it after a few years being gone.
Going to throw some weights around and do some running or try to.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Hey Adam, I haven't been on in a while and took a break from the working out myself during the holidays. Gained 6 or 7 pounds and I have just started getting back at it hard. I realized being in shape was my first realization of who I really was and am and will not let that slip away.
I too enjoy gaming but mine is more of the casino type but I said to myself late last week that I will not go back to being a couch potato....I was and am an athlete at heart and will not go back.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Hey lost, that's good to hear you are staying active. I've gone to Vegas a few times but was never any good at any of the tables. I remember one of my first times, one of the guys was asking me a question at the table. He said something like how would you like that split, and I just said "sure" not having any idea what he meant... I never did like losing money so I don't play much. If I go back, it would be for the Grand Canyon. I'm thinking about road trips now and making a bucket list... never did want to do one before, but I have this new breath of life in me.
I haven't been doing much different. This last weekend I turned 44 and my son turned 11. Was cool watching the eclipse on my bday. I also just had the D talk to my two boys with my W. We let them both know and my S6 said "Aww, so wait.. so does that mean I will change schools?" W told him that they were moving out to her new house with a better school and he was sad because he said he liked his school. I had already heard that children his age can be a bit egocentric and he won't get it until he notices I am no longer living with them. My older one took it okay. I am watching for signs of any changes and making sure we keep an open dialogue. There was no blame, no hatred or resentment. We were there for the kids. Made sure to tell them we loved them and it wasn't their fault. It was our responsibility for this. We didn't pretend everything was going to be okay. We asked if they had any questions. I'm allowing time for my older one to process this. I am not hovering over him.
I also let W know I found some apartments in between work and her place. I also told her when we were rehearsing our talk to the kids (because she was concerned I would blame her and discuss the nitty gritty) that I was not going to do that, I need for my kids to respect their mother and love her. I didn't want them to take sides. I told her how important that was to me however I also wanted her to be happy and I deserved to be happy and this meant trusting someone who wouldn't lie to me on a small thing, because I know if that happens there is no trusting the person would be honest on something serious. I basically said I was done and I couldn't be her friend for what she's done. She asked about how this would affect our co-parenting and I told her we can still effectively co-parent. I think it turned out okay with the boys. Was very tough though. We still talked relating to taking care of the kids so I know we can be amicable. It's been 5 months since BD. I don't yearn or pine for better days.
In another month or two I will be in the new apartment. I am still looking for an attorney for my first consult. I have been stalling there because they don't offer much on the first call about availability. The one email I got was generic and didn't answer my two questions I had during the call. I know it's important to protect myself legally, and it will happen. I think it will happen after I move into my place though. I also think the second wave of emotions will hit me again and during this solo time, I will get a better glimpse of who I am.
I also haven't gone to any IC. My therapy has been typing all my posts here and then deleting them. Walls and walls of text and feelings poured out for no one but me. I've also been watching videos by other people. What I gravitate towards is not having a need or attachment on others. Still here, reading and learning. Still working out, being with the kids and even enjoying myself playing games(substituted the jigsaw puzzles for more pc time). I got it set up with my oldest one for when we're separated we can at least enjoy some gaming time together.
When we physically separate, I will use that newfound energy and turn it into something positive, like really getting back into shape, kicking it into overdrive. I won't be able to do the 50/50 custody split and that sort of bothers me with limited time with the kids. I feel like it's better with them in one home while young rather than switching them from place to place constantly. Who knows... I say W and I can't be friends but for the kids, maybe somewhere down the road we can spend time together for them, meaning she might invite me over on a weekday for dinner or something. I don't know how that will play out but I'm sure we will make the best of it.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Dude don't delete the stuff you write, post it up, get it out there. You never know who you might help or who might be able to help you by reading that.
I wouldn't put off GAL or going to the gym. Do that now! See the lawyer ASAP! Get into IC if you think you want to.
I'm glad you were able to tell your kids in a calm, collected matter and not respond to your W with hate or fear. That means a lot. Maybe you can fill out your signature line too with the relevant stats. That would help b/c I can't remember, did your W file already?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Dude don't delete the stuff you write, post it up, get it out there. You never know who you might help or who might be able to help you by reading that.
I wouldn't put off GAL or going to the gym. Do that now! See the lawyer ASAP! Get into IC if you think you want to.
I'm glad you were able to tell your kids in a calm, collected matter and not respond to your W with hate or fear. That means a lot. Maybe you can fill out your signature line too with the relevant stats. That would help b/c I can't remember, did your W file already?
Hey ovrrnbw, Thanks for commenting! I'm still hitting the gym at least 3 times per week. Once separated, I'll have a lot more time I might want to burn at the gym instead of going to an empty apartment. I expect the emotions to run high and all those hormones will need to be put to good use. As for GAL, got a dinner with a large group of coworkers even with the boss on Friday. Work related GAL. W and I working on the house to prep it for sale so that is keeping me busy. I stopped doing the husbandly nice stuff but I do move the heavy things she can't lift. She wants something from the top shelf, she can get the step ladder... that sort of thing.
I agree on lawyer, not sure bout IC. I think its still early for me and IC.
Some of the writing was free flowing ramblings I didn't want to have readers waste their time on since it could be anything that popped to mind, out of order, and sometimes makes no sense. Sometimes it's tracking a thought process and I can see how I went from left to right and all over the place. Not pretty if my purpose is to convey a message to an audience. Most of the writing is not done with that intention. I get what you are saying, and I'll be mindful to share. I have benefited greatly from reading other peoples sitches and just lurking.
W hasn't filed yet to my knowledge.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Hey Adam...good to see you on here. Yes post as much as you can..I did and it helped and it will be read. Many who have been in IC and dealing with similar sitches can offer help based on your posts. Don't think it is wasting our time or yours!
As much help as I have gotten I'd like to think I can help someone who is struggling in those stages where they don't know where to go next.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
NP, I know I went through a lot of "routine" in my sitch and still do. But I know my thoughts were routine and some of the things I posted about. I was always happy when I got responses to my thoughts whether it was validation or suggestions.
As long as you are good keep doing what you are doing that works.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I read somewhere that part of the grief cycle was also isolation or loneliness. I questioned this and if I was going through it if its part of the depression stage. If then led me to thinking back about my past, and I may or may not have shared this as I do type and delete to clear my mind. When I was a troubled teen, my mother moved us back to the country and I locked myself in my small room the whole summer. I would draw and draw and draw. The food was sometimes left at my door and I would only leave the room to use the restroom or bathe. When I was young, growing up Pentacostal and going to bible classes gave me opportunities to meditate for long periods , just me and God. I've grown up a country bumpkin running wild barefoot through the woods as a little kid. I find peace and serenity in the wilderness. I am listening to people who lecture about loving yourself and not needing approval, acceptance , or love from others. I have a lot of work still left to do and I've found it best when I do them alone. Don't get me wrong, I value everything here, everything. I value the wisdom, shared knowledge, and tremendous support. This forum has put me on the right path and reminded me of who I am and what I hold important.
I'll post, read up, post more and cycle through giving my mind some rest in between.
My next step is setting some appointments with a couple lawyers closer to where my apartment will be at. There were options to travel cross town or conference call but that felt really impersonal.
I know anytime I try to express how I feel or think I know how I feel, that changes to the opposite because life is like that. So I know better to think I am out of the woods.
When I come across so many stories, I can feel the pain and I can get teary-eyed but when it comes to W and I, I don't feel direct sadness in the moment. I do sometimes still wonder but I think this is normal and I allow myself to attempt to process as much as I can before I need to put energy elsewhere.
I'm also kinda comfortable like a load is off my shoulders because I no longer feel like I need to rush things, like it was my responsibility to quickly find a way to save the marriage for everyone's sake. I can breathe and look forward to this new opportunity.
As for women, I work in an office full and there have been a few who talk to me that could turn into something but I don't mix work like that and ontop of that I am still married. It goes back to being okay being alone and I don't think it's fair for anyone else ATM. Only a few select people know of my sitch. Hard to hear people asking about W but I tell them with a smiling face that she is doing well.
Well I ran 2 miles today in the gym at work and have been in the garage for a while. Time to head home.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Adam. Regardless of what your W says, I would NOT absolutely NOT move to an apartment before consulting a lawyer. Remember to believe nothing they say.
