Yes, it is "worse before it gets better" but because YOU will get better (you are! every step of the way) not because she will. Who knows why she's acting that way. Just shrug your shoulders and find something fun to do.
Your question sounds like you're inquiring if she's on the edge of changing. I think that's a way of trying to mindread or read the future. Your WW is acting terrible, so you should gently step aside while she is swinging her fists at everything around you. Do not get hit, do not engage.
I am getting better. Stronger. And that is why I was able to have the conversation I had with WW yesterday about not wanting a D anymore. I backpedaled. As AS said, trying to shock her out of it backfired. I thought it as much the day after but did not bring it up since.
I have expressed to her that I don't intend on living like we are forever, but yesterday I did tell her that I can put up with this a little longer. I did make it clear that I don't want this divorce.
I had hoped that she would not bring this topic up again but she did.
Hindsight is 20/20. I could have kept my mouth shut when I said "divorce" but I didn't. I could have told her things calmly but I didn't. I have owned up to it and I told her as such.
I have been anger-free (to her) for almost three weeks. I know that it's going to take months of consistent behavior to take root and even then who knows what is going to happen as time progresses.
I have also told her that this experience humbled me and taught me a lot of valuable lessons. She sees and acknowledges the changes I'm making. When she tells me that, I say that this experience, as tragic as it is, was needed. I have been the happiest I have been in a long time. And I am going to show it to her and try to share parts of my happiness with her. My goal is not to nice her back. My goal is to show how much more amazing I am. She gets to choose what she wants to do.
My growth has been slow and painful. But I am starting to see the fruits of my efforts.
Laugh as loud as you can, then look her dead in the eyes "That is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time!" Smile , pause "Do you have any other good jokes?"
I seriously typed out almost the same thing and then deleted it and revised it to the above post, LOL! But yes, it would be very tempting to respond like this
Originally Posted by Phoenix9
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
She's trying to manipulate you by the way. Don't fall for it.
Is this WW getting more desperate at this point? Do WW's act like this when things are not going their way? Is this the "It gets worse before it gets better" part?
I'm not sure "desperate" is the right word, but yes this is the kind of "extreme" things a WAS will say to get their way. You were paving her way down easy street by pursuing the D on your own, doing the heavy lifting for her. Now you've put it back in her court and she doesn't like it. She doesn't want to stay married, but she doesn't want to be bothered with actually having to do some work to make it happen. Plus she would LOVE to be able to tell everyone that YOU were the one that pushed D through to help her save face. So where she's coming from is perhaps a nice little threat will be enough to coerce you into jumping back on the D bandwagon. If you don't respond favorably she may very well threaten something worse, like "I guess I'll just go hire a lawyer" or "we'll see what the court has to say when I tell them how abusive you are." Just depends on how vindictive she is. At the extreme she may very well go nuts having unprotected sex just to get pregnant and "teach you a lesson". Let's hope not but honestly I've heard just about everything here including that.
I'm not sure "desperate" is the right word, but yes this is the kind of "extreme" things a WAS will say to get their way. You were paving her way down easy street by pursuing the D on your own, doing the heavy lifting for her. Now you've put it back in her court and she doesn't like it. She doesn't want to stay married, but she doesn't want to be bothered with actually having to do some work to make it happen. Plus she would LOVE to be able to tell everyone that YOU were the one that pushed D through to help her save face. So where she's coming from is perhaps a nice little threat will be enough to coerce you into jumping back on the D bandwagon. If you don't respond favorably she may very well threaten something worse, like "I guess I'll just go hire a lawyer" or "we'll see what the court has to say when I tell them how abusive you are." Just depends on how vindictive she is. At the extreme she may very well go nuts having unprotected sex just to get pregnant and "teach you a lesson". Let's hope not but honestly I've heard just about everything here including that.
I hope not either. I made my bed and I have to sleep in it, I am just starting to get concerned that I have made things worse, despite me trying to turn it around with my attitude adjustment in the last three weeks.
I am just starting to get concerned that I have made things worse, despite me trying to turn it around with my attitude adjustment in the last three weeks.
Drop the rope and let go of the outcome.
Always do your best. Your best will change day to day.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Can you get out of the house? Either permanently or temporarily stay elsewhere? Seriously. She thinks you're coming home tonight. Don't. Go out and stay at a hotel.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Can you get out of the house? Either permanently or temporarily stay elsewhere? Seriously. She thinks you're coming home tonight. Don't. Go out and stay at a hotel.
She is going to OM2's place. I am going home to spend time with D4. I have a temp place that I stay at three times per week.
I didn't think I was allowing her to do that. I thought that what she does is her business and to leave it be. This includes her doing OM2 stuff. What am I doing that is making her eat cake?
I didn't think I was allowing her to do that. I thought that what she does is her business and to leave it be. This includes her doing OM2 stuff. What am I doing that is making her eat cake?
You have no control over what she does. You only have control of your response. You obviously know she is being intimate with another man, yet you are choosing to pursue her.
Where are your personal boundaries?
These are two of mine: I do not want to be with a woman who does not want to be with me. I will not share my woman with another man.
I guess from my point of view, she gets to go be intimate with OM while you are babysitting. Then you have to leave while she gets quality time with D. Sound like a perfect arrangement for her to me. All her needs are getting met by multiple men.
Anyway, have you purchased the book? I think the exercises are helpful. Maintain your personal boundaries with everyone.
Are you an expert in 4-6?
Originally Posted by R2C
1) Start off by living a healthy lifestyle. Make healthy choices when eating. Drink plenty of water. Get good sleep. Exercise regularly. Take care of your body. Alcohol in moderation. Set a goal to reach, and then maintain, your ideal weight.
2) Make good grooming and hygiene a ritual. Accentuate the differences between the sexes.
3) Dress with style - fit, compliment, cohesive, unique, personal touch
5) Awareness/Flirting ( 93% of communication is non verbal (body language) – study and enjoy what you find attractive and your body will naturally follow your thoughts. It is the ladies job to catch and hold a mans eye, several times if needed. This signals it is OK for him to approach. It is the mans job to approach the woman.
6) Social proof - Enjoy interacting with everyone, especially attractive members of the opposite sex.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
