My updated manifesto. For GAL activities I'm planning a trip to El Salvador with a co-worker later this month.
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LIFE GOALS – A BETTER ME
This season of my life has been tough. Use the pain to become a better man, a better father, and a better Christian. Control what I can control to become that better man every day for the rest of my life. I control my own happiness. Things will get better. God has great plans for me. I will survive. I am not a loser. I am lovable. I deserve to be loved.
1) FAITH. Strengthen my relationship with God. Draw closer to Him. Continue to read the Bible and other Christian resources. Continue with fellowship at work. Regularly, attend church. Regularly, go on missions trips. (Goal: Join a serving Life Group.)
2) KINDNESS. Continue to volunteer a lot. Continue random acts of kindness. Always be humble and kind. Always do what I feel is right. (Goal: Be kinder when I'm driving.)
3) FORGIVENESS. Do not be mad at XW. She just wants to be happy. I am the one who largely failed her. Forgive her.
4) ATTRACTIVENESS. Always dress nice. Always look nice. Get my swagger back. Get back to being an alpha male. Be confident, upbeat, relaxed, and fun.
5) RELATIONSHIPS. I avoided the big mistakes in my marriage (abuse, cheating, work/life balance, being a bad parent, etc.), but I made a lot of little mistakes. Identify and improve on the little things I could have done better.
a) Connectedness. Always treat my SO as my best friend. Enjoy and appreciate time spent together. Do little and big surprises. Date nights. b) Communication. Listen to my SO, actually hear what she is saying. Learn her love language. Study her. Learn what makes her tick, what her concerns are. Use resources like The Love Dare, Divorce Remedy, etc. to better myself. c) Attitude. Don't overreact to nagging. Nagging shows my SO is still invested in the relationship. Be positive, patient, and forgiving.
6) FATHERHOOD. Continue to be fully invested in my relationship with my daughters. Continue to use resources to better myself as a father.
7) LIFESTYLE. Continue to exercise (walking, push-ups, sit-ups, squats, curls) and diet. (Goal: Stay below 165 pounds.) Continue to get eight hours of sleep. Continue to quit chewing. Continue to re-engage with family and friends. Grow my circle of Christian friends.
8) BE MYSELF. Get back to doing things that I like.
a) Golfing. b) Outdoors (camping, fishing, hunting). c) Traveling. (Goal: Visit all 50 states.) (Goal: Visit all 6 habitable continents.)
9) GROW. Try new things. Become handier around the house. Be more self-reliant. (Goal: Become a better cook.) Maybe try sky diving and/or salsa dancing.
DAILY GOALS
Exercise (60 pushups, 120 situps, 120 curls, 60 squats, planks for 2 minutes, walk for 1 hour) and diet. Read the Bible and another self-help book. Daily SOAP. Talk to at least one family member or friend . Talk to the girls as often as possible. Stay positive when interacting with others, optimistic for my future, and cordial (never act on emotion) with XW. Pray for a positive future for myself and the girls. Pray to have the strength to forgive XW.
LONG-TERM GOALS
Join a serving Life Group. Be kinder when I'm driving. Stay below 165 pounds. Visit all 50 states. Visit all 6 habitable continents. Become a better cook.
Happy new year to you and yours. Love love love the manifesto.
No. 5 relationships really resonated with me. I too managed to avoid the big things but let the little things slide. So, I am adding a little something ... notice and appreciate the little kindnesses and efforts our other halves put in (when we have other halves) and in return do little things back - a phone call when they're away to say u miss them, putting aside time for them, really listening when they speak ... just generally being more thoughtful.
I will say again what I said back when you were spinning ... you are awesome.
Happy new year to you and yours. Love love love the manifesto.
No. 5 relationships really resonated with me. I too managed to avoid the big things but let the little things slide. So, I am adding a little something ... notice and appreciate the little kindnesses and efforts our other halves put in (when we have other halves) and in return do little things back - a phone call when they're away to say u miss them, putting aside time for them, really listening when they speak ... just generally being more thoughtful.
I will say again what I said back when you were spinning ... you are awesome.
FS
Thank you, FS! The bottom line is that I took my marriage for granted, and I also stopped making myself attractive in a lot of ways. All I can do now is live and learn.
Disappointment today, but it has nothing to do with my XW. We got our first offer on our house. The potential buyer later rescinded the offer. We are now on a time crunch to get this house sold.
GAL activities consisted of going out with family/friends yesterday and today. I enjoyed it, but it threw me off my daily routine of dieting and exercising because I stayed overnight at my cousin's house. I feel a tinge of guilt when I don't stick to my new schedule.
I've done a great job with detaching and GALing, but my GALing is interferring with my 180s right now. Need to get back on track. I'll see the girls this week and then I'm heading on a vacation to El Salvador. Looking forward to that.
This was my entire December - spent mostly eating and drinking
There has been quite a bit of drinking and cigar smoking on my end. I'm focused today, so hopefully I get back in the groove. WAWs are weird. I received one text since I saw XW last Wednesday. Today, I get seven texts about unimportant stuff and then a 30 minute phone call based mostly on the unimportant texts (which I kept trying to end early). The call came like 15-30 minutes after most of the texts, so not even enough time for me to respond to them. XW snooped on why I don't need her to drop me off at the airport now. I told her I'm heading to El Salvador and will spend a night at my friend's house before we fly out. I had no plans to tell her, but she asked if the flight was booked and that was why I wasn't flying out. XW loves to travel, so I didn't mind telling her. I still enjoy talking to her. I guess I'm not completely detached.
I'll tell you what. When you start doing GALs and 180s for yourself and not your S, you really turn a corner. At first I dieted and exercised, went out with friends, etc. all with an eye on how my XW reacted. I've taken it to a different level now. It's much deeper and has a better chance at sticking. I don't have full on NGS, but I have some traits. I'm working hard on not being so defensive, thinking about my wants and needs, and eliminating covert contracts. I've set hard goals that I'm sticking to. They include volunteering at least 2 times/month, doing daily prayer and SOAP, keeping to a harder exercise routine, calling at least one friend or family member/day (I had convinced myself that I wasn't a phone person). I've surrounded myself with good male role models--which is breaking me of being a procrastinator. Alpha males don't need their wives to make them lists. I keep a schedule/calendar now. If something needs to get done, I do it. I'm working on being a better cook, but I have some work there. I never considered myself a handy man, but in the last few weeks I've done a few things that I would have hired somebody to do or would have procrastinated in doing. I really like the direction I'm headed. I have a ways to go, but I've come a long ways in a short time.
For GAL activities I'm planning a trip to El Salvador with a co-worker later this month.