Posting here is great when you are going through the battle. . . . What it also does, is it keeps you stuck in all of that ^^^^
I agree.
There are new skills you need to learn now. Hard to learn multiplication and division while showing everyone how to add and subtract.
I know your sitch turned around quickly. I believe that is a double edge sword. I have very loosely been following your thread.
Can you summarize status of your R for me?
We are reconciled at this point. We are in piecing. Things are going along very well. I did have a moment last month where I was questioning if I should have reconciled. I am not sure if all LBSs go through that after a while of Ring and piecing. I was surprised how strongly this feeling was. I thought it would be more of an urge, but wow, I was literally at a couple of points very close to blowing things up. (Note, when I say "very close" it is relative. I would always come here first to get talked down off the ledge.)
Also, a couple of months ago I got the urge, maybe related to the feelings of regret at not having taken the out, to snoop on her. She is fully transparent now so snooping was very easy to do. I found absolutely nothing. Her words and actions have all been very consistent since last spring. Also when I first started going through the feelings I mentioned, she was very concerned. Talked about how great things have been, what had changed, why I seemed distant? And this was despite my best efforts to hide what I was dealing with. I took advice here and told her that I was dealing with somethings, trying to make heads or tails of it, and that I would talk to her about later.
On a long car ride I did have a conversation with her about how I was dealing with some feelings of being unsure about things related to what happened the year before. (This all coincided with the 1 year anniversary of BD.) She was very apologetic and remorseful. I hadn't seen that from her since our MC ended in July. It was one of the best conversations we ever had. I haven't said this here yet, but I think that conversation, and how great she was through it and since it, really helped those feelings I was having to subside.
That's pretty much it. We continue to be in-sync, connected, and things are going very well.
Originally Posted by Gordie
Listen to Mach1
ALWAYS! He is awesome. Asks great, probing, thought-provoking questions.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I just got caught up on your sitch and see that you have hit a rough patch in the last little while. Having seen you responses to the others I feel you are in good control of your emotions and actions. You come here to help others freely and share your wisdom openly. I feel that you are definitely a man of substance and will be able to navigate these difficult times. My prayers are always with you! Blessings!
Thanks LW. AS I told R2C, the intensity of the feelings I was feeling took me by surprise. Luckily due to my learnings, and this forum, I was able to work through all of that to get back to a good place. And thanks for the prayers, they are greatly appreciated!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am a naturally untrusting guy. And if you burn me once it's even harder. Twice I usually write the person off. Forever. The fact I didn't do that proves to me that I deeply love her. She has even commented on that. But you're right, for dinner reason I hope back. Pride? Stubbornness? Selfishness? Some or all of those?
I think its a combination of all of those things...
Pride has certainly doomed a relationship or 5 million before. It certainly could be a part of this one...
Stubborness ?
Yea, I mean it could be confused for being steadfast, or ironclad in your morals and convictions...
Selfishness ??
You certainly seem to be a generous and giving person here...
However...
You aren't the person that you are here, at home..
The anonymity is gone at home, and you are left with a stripped down Steve
My guess is, and the reason I asked the questions...
WHY are you prideful ??
WHY are you stubborn ??
WHY are you selfish ???
My best guess would be fear...
Fear of being divorced
Fear of being embarrassed
Fear of failing
And to maybe an even greater degree ??
Fear of succeeding....
What are you so afraid of ???
Think about these buddy, along with with re-reading my questions from the last thread...
Because until you can answer those and be totally honest with yourself...
How much do you really know about you, so that you can give yourself to her ???
All great questions. Once the house sells I will get back in to C and explore all of this. Fear is a good description for a lot of my motivations. She is only the 2nd person I've ever let get this close to me, and I was burned badly by the first. And have been burnt by her as well. For someone that has trouble trusting out of the gate, that definitely has an impact.
Fear of vulnerability was the first thing that came to mind when I was reading your post. And your last question is very profound. We both want to get back into MC as soon as the house sells. MC was awesome at helping us reconnect. And we'd like to continue with that to give us tools to stay connected.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
