Agree with everything you said. I can honestly say that I am in a good place. I am where I want to be. And there will never be a sitch #4 or #5. Because I am where I want to be, if she were to BD #3 me, as I've told others, my response would be, "Okay, so how quickly can you be out of the house?" I am in a much better place within myself.
I also appreciate the comfortability vs complacency point. Very good. I think I can honestly say that while we are more comfortable I have not become complacent. And I won't. Ever again.
Tryin to convince me ?
Or yourself ?
A little of both? LOL One thing I am sure of now is that you can never be sure of anything.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I don't have accounts with any SM...and I am not going to create one. It isn't that I don't trust you Mach1. It is just that I don't want to patronze SM in any way.
Your call buddy...
Just pretty sure you are gonna need an ear sooner, rather than later...
Although, I must ask..
Why the hostility toward SM ??
I mean, it's not like you are on a public forum, exposing your deepest inner emotional pain or anything....right ?
Exposing your deepest inner emotional pain is easier done anonymously than in plain sight.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Agree with everything you said. I can honestly say that I am in a good place. I am where I want to be. And there will never be a sitch #4 or #5. Because I am where I want to be, if she were to BD #3 me, as I've told others, my response would be, "Okay, so how quickly can you be out of the house?" I am in a much better place within myself.
I also appreciate the comfortability vs complacency point. Very good. I think I can honestly say that while we are more comfortable I have not become complacent. And I won't. Ever again.
Tryin to convince me ?
Or yourself ?
A little of both? LOL One thing I am sure of now is that you can never be sure of anything.
Is it workin for you ???
Cause I'm not really buying much of it..
I think you are just as confused by this as anyone reading along might be.
One day you are heartbroken, the next reconciling,the next you are unsure if you are reconciling, the next thinking about leaving yourself, the next you are happy again, then worried about another bomb, no wait..I'm happy and in a good place....
WTF ?
Again....did you answer my questions ??
And just FYI, I don't really need the answers, they are for you....
However, I can tell from most of your words that you glossed over them pretty quickly.
I don't have accounts with any SM...and I am not going to create one. It isn't that I don't trust you Mach1. It is just that I don't want to patronze SM in any way.
Your call buddy...
Just pretty sure you are gonna need an ear sooner, rather than later...
Although, I must ask..
Why the hostility toward SM ??
I mean, it's not like you are on a public forum, exposing your deepest inner emotional pain or anything....right ?
Exposing your deepest inner emotional pain is easier done anonymously than in plain sight.
Why yes, because anonymous means a lack of accountability also...
And just to be clear...
IF an EA is with an anonymous person, then it doesn't count as an EA ??
I don't have accounts with any SM...and I am not going to create one. It isn't that I don't trust you Mach1. It is just that I don't want to patronze SM in any way.
Your call buddy...
Just pretty sure you are gonna need an ear sooner, rather than later...
Although, I must ask..
Why the hostility toward SM ??
I mean, it's not like you are on a public forum, exposing your deepest inner emotional pain or anything....right ?
Exposing your deepest inner emotional pain is easier done anonymously than in plain sight.
Why yes, because anonymous means a lack of accountability also...
And just to be clear...
IF an EA is with an anonymous person, then it doesn't count as an EA ??
That's some pretty advanced WAS logic there....
I never said that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Agree with everything you said. I can honestly say that I am in a good place. I am where I want to be. And there will never be a sitch #4 or #5. Because I am where I want to be, if she were to BD #3 me, as I've told others, my response would be, "Okay, so how quickly can you be out of the house?" I am in a much better place within myself.
I also appreciate the comfortability vs complacency point. Very good. I think I can honestly say that while we are more comfortable I have not become complacent. And I won't. Ever again.
Tryin to convince me ?
Or yourself ?
A little of both? LOL One thing I am sure of now is that you can never be sure of anything.
Is it workin for you ???
Cause I'm not really buying much of it..
I think you are just as confused by this as anyone reading along might be.
One day you are heartbroken, the next reconciling,the next you are unsure if you are reconciling, the next thinking about leaving yourself, the next you are happy again, then worried about another bomb, no wait..I'm happy and in a good place....
WTF ?
Again....did you answer my questions ??
And just FYI, I don't really need the answers, they are for you....
However, I can tell from most of your words that you glossed over them pretty quickly.
Mach, i can assure you that at the time I read them I gave them my full attention. Yes I answered them for myself. I am not sure if I was ever unsure we were Ring, but admittedly this last year has me unsure of much in life. Did you see my quote from the Queensryche song "I Don't Believe In Love"? "She said she loved me, I guess I never knew....but do we ever, ever really know?"
So do I have moments of being unsure? ABSOLUTELY! Does that mean I am walking around in despair? Not at all. Does it mean that I it causes me to keep from being becoming complacent again, like I was pre-BD? Absolutely.
As far as thinking leaving myself, yes, I did struggle with that. Not really sure where that came from. I really have no complaints about how our relationship is now. I guess I was focusing too much on her lack of housekeeping, being a bit lazy, etc. I was doing the exact OPPOSITE of your "love is what you give, not receive" head shot. I am back now to focusing on loving and giving, rather than brooding and wanting to receive. I was never in a bad place, just having pangs of regret at how I handled BD and the immediate aftermath.
Note, not sure if you read my thread carefully or not, but when I was going through that her intuition detected that something was wrong and she was distraught. Despite my insisting it was just my issues I was working through, and that she need not worry, she was very worried. A year ago she wouldn't have given two craps.
So are we in a better place today? Much better. Is it all unicorns and rainbows? No! It is marriage. It requires care and feeding.
Based on my words, which of your questions do you believe I glossed over?
Last edited by Steve85; 01/25/1901:33 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Based on my words, which of your questions do you believe I glossed over?
It's just a feeling that I get when I read you Steve. And yes, I have read all of your threads...
I don't walk away with the impression that I get from a man with confidence about himself in the situation that he is going through, or in your case, has gone through.
I don't get the sense that you are confident in how you feel, or why you feel, or even if you feel them.
When a man first meets a Woman that he is attracted to, there is nothing that will keep them from swinging on a grape vine, beating on their chest, and screaming to the world their love for that Woman....
In a much lesser, yet no less important show of affection, I don't get that from you.
The "why" in that, could be a number of things.
And hear me out here....
Posting here is great when you are going through the battle. You learn to detach, and how to stand on your own again, how to block out the noise, and to not believe what you hear, and about half of what you see.
It teaches you to really take a look at yourself, and respect your space, choices, and life on your own.
What it doesn't do very well, is to teach about the re-connection during reconciliation.
Or forgiveness after the affair. Forgiveness for her, or moreso even more important.....yourself.
How to believe, how to trust, how to feel again...
What it also does, is it keeps you stuck in all of that ^^^^
You read and post to others, and same as most WAS...
Truth is what you feel inside..
OPS becomes your own, and while it might not apply to you specifically, some how it morphs into it..
Dude, from the beginning, have been a valued beacon of light for many posters here. Prolific at times now...
Even in the beginning, when you were wrong or unsure, you held your ground on your morals and convictions....
I challenged you about the SM because I wanted to see your conviction about it..
The same conviction I want to hear about your marriage with, your love for her with...
And I don't feel in your words about your marriage today....
You love your daughter profoundly, and I know that because I sense it in your words....
Yet I don't see that when you talk about the marriage.
I feel like there was a blip in the marriage(again), it took some time, she's back, things go back to normal, rinse-lather-repeat...
When I challenge you, all I get is the "I can assure you" part..
From past experience, when I get told to "trust me" , or "I can assure you" line ??
What have you been up until that point ??
Untrusting ??
Unassuring??
And just like you said, we are anonymous, so all I have to go by, are your words, and patterns of words.
What you type, is what I know about you.
And I get the feeling at times, that you are trying to convince that you are fine. You may very well be, I just don't believe you yet....
I am on your side buddy, I hope you realize that...
